India has the Ganges, Israel has the Jordan River and last night Sarajevo had the most sacred holy stream of all when St. Angie Jolie broke down into a fountain of raw emotions after hearing that her homewrecking protégée, Sienna Miller, has given up the game. No, Angie Jo’s forehead tapeworm nearly quivered off of her face and she had a weepy moment while telling reporters at the premiere of her movie In The Land Of Nut ‘N Honey that she hopes her film will be a wake-up call to the world do something major about the serious shit that’s happening in Syria. Um, okay, but how can Angie’s movie be a wake-up call when it looks like it’s going to put bitches to sleep? No, I haven’t seen it. I don’t know. I’m sure if anything can stop wars it’s Angie’s directorial debut! And I shouldn’t throw any shade since Angie is wearing a beautiful vintage dress from Jessica McClintock’s funeral collection.
And do you want to do it or should I update Wikipedia with the newest sighting of a holy Weeping Statute?