The Photoshop Awards: Kate Upton On Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition
Hours before Sports Illustrated was supposed to show off the cover of their annual For Horny Teen Boys Who Don't Have Private Internet Access issue on The Late Show last night, a gas station in Michigan leaked it after the magazine arrived early. A GAS STATION IN MICHIGAN! Sports Illustrated should've moved the unveiling to that gas station in Michigan, because that would've been a more fitting place to bring out this 80s cartoon mess of a cover. Kate Upton is only 19-years-old and I'm sure she's perfect in real life, but they sort of fucked her up. I'm sure before the cover shoot, the conversation between the editors went something like this:
"We need to shoot her from below so that her tits looks like two Junior Mints melting over the side of a picnic table. Then catch a pirate hamster, rip off his eye patch and throw it on Kate's crotch. Don't worry if it makes her crotch look like two jelly snakes fighting under a Spandex blanket. We're going to Photoshop her down low bits until she's got Barbie crotch. Oh, and don't bring our high-powered fan. We don't need it. We're going to give Kate a sideways Flock of Seagulls 'do with four cans of hairspray and a tease brush."
A MESS!
But like I said above, it's still an important day for horny teens whose parents won't let them be alone with the computer. It's kind of like the equivalent of what the JCPenney catalog meant to me as a young ho. Whenever that shit was dropped off at our porch (it didn't fit in the mail box, wink wink), I'd grab it, tear out the "underwear for men" section and basically stitch the pages to the back side of my chonies.
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The SI Swimsuit Edition has officially jumped the shark. It's hard to believe they once had such high-caliber models as Paulina Porizkova and Christie Brinkley. Now it's like they're lapping up Maxim's table scraps.
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"Buy the ticket, take the ride." Hunter S. Thomspon
Yes, she's a great looking girl. Still think the photoshoping is whacked, but aren't they all these days? Saw her in the other links and boy will she be able to sell lingerie! Healthier looking than many out there too. :P
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"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
I saw this year's batch of SI swimsuit models on The Late Show and just about all of them were busted. There are so many beautiful women in the world and this is what they chose? She's pedestrian looking and seems to be pretty damn stupid with a huge ego. But at least she's not anorexic and/or man shaped. I think they're trying to bring back the womanly body thing which is good. But that cover is just all sorts of wrong.
I think she's beautiful. Her figure is ok but the angle that this pic was taken in doesn't do it any favors. I don't see anything wrong with her jawline. Not every woman has to have a chiseled manly jaw. She has very womanly features unlike Giselle Bunshit who is very narrow, doesn't have a waist or hips and has an unfortunate jaw that any alpha-male would envy.
Her boobs are nice. They might look "saggy" to a lot/some of you because the angle in which the shot was taken in makes them look odly shaped. In fact, there are rumors she has breast implants. In pics where she is modeling lingerie in the runway, you can see a square shape at the top of her boobs. But when her boobs aren't pushed up by a bra, they have a natural sag which all breasts of women her age and with large breasts have.
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The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Hahahahahahaha!
Let's see how far the rabbit tard hole goes...
Thornhill completely fabricated the whole "Farrah" alt and later the faux Farrah and Thornhill marriage.
It's hilarious that he spouts his eligibility looks-wise as if he is a bachelor.
Hey, Thornhill, whatever happened to poor, poor Farrah? Did she get killed in a deep, under-cover Israeli attack?
Thornhill, please stay in your dungeon and dragons lair with your realdoll.
Anytime@ no words.. your comments are salient & funny and you don't care about popular opinion. Cheers.
Why is her boobs look like sad pancakes? She is so pretty otherwize. Her torso looks a mile long though. And SWIMSUIT edition? Hellooo, she barely has one on. At least the cover could have more suit than genitals.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
That picture needs full bush or at least some stubble. I mean c'mon no one's pussy hill is that baby smooth and perfect even with the best of wax jobs.
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
Personally, I think the cover is all sorts of horrible. The suit is not sexy, it is ill fitting and ugly. The camera angle is unflattering to what are really nice boobs. The cover model is pretty, but the photography is what is so shocking. You would think after all these years, SI would have flawless covers down to a science. This is a SI Swimsuit addition FAIL cover.
Whoever chose the photo needs to be fired.
Submitted by Banilla Bagina on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 7:51pm.
She's a pretty girl. No photoshop needed. Le sigh.
Paulina p was the best SI model. Also she is cool as sbit, still married to the fabulous freakiness that is ric ocasek and she is a decent writer (huff post) and oh! Non pareil.
No words and thornhill you both are wonderful..no arguing! Thornhill didn't you marry the commenter farrah back when ? Dlisted matchmaking!
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Thanks, Banilla Bagina! Appreciate it!
@Thornhill
You have no idea what a namesake is, do you?
Idiot.
This chickadee is HOT but that bikini might as well have just been painted on.
Ah, come on! she's cute and doesn't look bad body-wise. She doesn't have the body type I consider the best of all, but she's till attractive and not super skinny like other chicks. It's a photoshop fail, tho.
My problem comes with the media being taken over by pedos. She's just 19 and is already posing almost naked to gain fame and notoriety, even for 15 minutes. That's quite sad, but I wonder when will society bend over and get used to seeing 12 year olds in photoshoots like this one.. clearly, that's what the pedos want and are "grooming" us to tolerate in the near future.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Umm... why doesn't she have a snatch?
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
I did a double take at the pics of her in wht dress, I
thought Blohan took a bath and scrub.
Sorry this gal is meh vanilla at best. SI rocked it 80/90's.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
Submitted by warmjuice on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:30pm.
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:26pm.
are you m or f
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F
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
She's a pretty girl. No photoshop needed. Le sigh.
Paulina p was the best SI model. Also she is cool as sbit, still married to the fabulous freakiness that is ric ocasek and she is a decent writer (huff post) and oh! Non pareil.
No words and thornhill you both are wonderful..no arguing! Thornhill didn't you marry the commenter farrah back when ? Dlisted matchmaking!
She's a model? Say what? She's not ugly but she's not model material either. Looks like an 80's valley girl type.
She's cute and all, but utterly forgettable. She is seriously generic looking in every possible way. Can you tell her apart from Leo's new ho, or Adam Levine's piece? Doutzen Kroes is far more unique looking, and more beautiful
i'm sorry but she looks way below average to me..
I don't get it
Submitted by Andrei on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 6:41pm.
Unrealistic as fuck. I don't see how she barely has room for labia or is able to take a dick.
Didn't you get the memo? that's what men want women to look like - basically only a hole down there for them to stick it in.
If God wanted women to have labia he wouldn't have invented Photoshop.
She has the worst body-shape imaginable for a woman - rectangle with no waist.
And photographed from that angle her stomach looks like a parking lot. She is lucky she's thin I guess. I couldn't pick her face out of a line up of LA mall girls.
Unrealistic as fuck. I don't see how she barely has room for labia or is able to take a dick.
Someone said something about her gunt. I see no gunt. However, I do almost see her *unt thanks to that tiny piece of fabric. This looks more Playboy and less SI. Also, the MK description of how this picture came to be is hilarious.
i like SI in the 80's and 90's. good JO material.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Worst SI cover in 30 years. Crotchless trailer trash.
What we SHOULD look like? Did I just read that right? And this chick clearly has no bush, landing strip, or even genitals for that matter. And she looks like she has to pee. The boobs would probably look great though if they weren't squashed inside the toddler bikini.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
always with wingskini is not the look
Submitted by Stock Broker on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:33pm.
IMO, one of the best SI Swimsuit cover was with Ashley Richarson, back in 1991. Now that's what a woman should look like.
---And next time... kindly keep your opinion to yourself. We don't really care how you think we "should" look.
Signed,
Women
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"If you guessed Junie Hoang, then give yourself a slap in the face and follow it up with a punch to the eye, because that's what you get for lying." -MK
She would still look great if they had put her in a bikini that wasn't two sizes too small. Considering they barely covered her at all, they should have just used two band aids and a cork. Oh god, I just gave them the idea for their next swimsuit cover.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
While I appreciate that she doesn't look like a bag of bones - why is she wearing a swimsuit that could fit a 7 year old child? The bottom actually makes her look chunky when clearly she is not. To me, nobody can replace the perfection that was Christie Brinkley.
Hey- THIS IS CALLED A GIRL. STOP HATIN ON GUYS FOR BEING GUYS OK, we sick of constantly being persecuted for being INTO PUSSY did I mention THAT WE LIKE PUSSY? ISNT THAT AAAMAAAZING?I LIKE think about laAAAndiIng striIIps, brrreast-sts, did I mention brrreasts????????????????? OK OK I know I am going to get all this HAATE just cuz ima GUY fuck. Hey did you know I like pussy with haAAirRR on it? Yup, I said it. Man so many people are bothered by GUYS geeze. I mean if we don’t like sports cars and girls how could we call ourselves men? I AM A GUY-JUST A GUY (toilet flush) AND SHE IS HAWT
Upper boobage, side boobage, under boobage all in one shot! Could've been a good cover if they didn't turn it into a painting.
Appropriate hang for big boobs: check
http://designyoutrust.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/kate-upton-12.jpg
Perfect ass: check
http://sflchronicle.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Kate-Upton-in-a-thong...
She is perfect.
not feeling this SI cover...but if this is the best of what they got, then the other pictures must be ghastly...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I agree with Stoney and Stocky.
and Elle's SI covers , and Paulina's SI covers were freaking GORGEOUS.
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Get down on it, come on and, get down on it - if you really want it
Get down on it - you gotta feel it
Get down on it
-Kool & The Gang
@BD...amen to dat.
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It's so cold in the D....
Some haters on here. Let the men enjoy their uptons. If it was the other way around and some Hollywood stud had his cockhead out, you would need a mop to pick up all the twat juice.
We've got bush, we've, got, bush!!!
@ Irish - super cute, but alas, I'm too short to wear that style. And I likes to show off my legs in the summer!
Oh, is my post all wonky below?
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Dark-sided!
Photoshopped or not, she's just another blonde. I saw more pics of her and her body looks like shit. She's all tits but no ass and no hips.
I got this dress at JCPenney's (not my usual shopping place!) for Mexico and I'll be wearing it for our beach vacation in NC this summer. I loved it, especially with flat sandals (and I never usually wear flats!)
I know it's not everyone's taste but I love it for the beach or vacations.
http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?deptid=70656&catid=82416&grptyp=PRD&itemid=1d30f56&dep=WOMEN&pcat=Dresses&cat=Maxi&refpagename=XGN%252Easpx&refdeptid=70656&refcatid=80145&cmAMS_T=XGN3&cmAMS_C=FEATURE&cmAMS_Z=XGN3ABOVEPAGINATION&CmCatId=70656|80145
I wore it with these, in the brown: http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?GrpTyp=PRD&ItemID=1da6385&DeptID=70731&CatID=81530&SO=0&SelDim=4294957900%7e&CatSel=4294933649%7cflats&NOffset=0&Ne=4294957900+3+14+8+23+1031+5+840+1037+18+1545&pagesize=1&x5view=1&N=4294933649&Nao=0&PSO=0&bcCat=3&CmCatId=70731|81530
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Dark-sided!
Horrible picture. Her titties look all squashed.
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
@no words. Your actions don't justify your words or your namesake....
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It's so cold in the D....
i'm female and i have to say the SI covers in the 90's featured far more beautiful and 'real' looking woman. Somebody posted the link so I checked it out. Photoshop is evil.
Well, with that bikini bottom guess we don't have to discuss landing strip versus bare.
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:26pm.
are you m or f
JCPenny catalogs really brought out the bi in me when I was a kid. I was checking out the mens underwear and womens bras. Those were the days.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
She looks like a Kalamazoo stripper. Yes she has breasts and a snatch wow. Yes she looks more like an “average gal uh huh huh huh” wow. America get back your good standards.
who she be? is she related to Anna Nicole Smith?
Coma Caca!
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Somewhere Courtney Stodden (is that her name) is plotting this girl's downfall.