Open Post: Hosted By Jean Claude Van Damme

February 14, 2012 / Posted by:

The only way to follow up a post about Billy Bob Thornton looking like this is with a post about Jean Claude Van Damme looking like this. Jean Claude didn’t do himself up like this on his own. JC is shooting Welcome to the Jungle in Puerto Rico and I’m guessing he’s playing a basement-dwelling mama’s boy who has always dreamed of enlisting in the army, but hasn’t gotten around to it since sniffing dirty panties he buys off of eBay and trying to unlock all the nameplates in Halo: Reach takes up all of his time. That’s the kind of douche who always has dried cum stains on the bottom of his t-shirt, because he’s too lazy to take it off during fap times.

Maybe it’s because I’m more dizzy in the brains than usual since the only thing I’ve put in my stomach today has been 3 Truvia packets, 10 cups of coffee, a banana and Raisinettes (aka The “I Hate What I’ve Become” Diet), but does Jean Claude look a little Brad Pittesque in the eyes to you? Bitch has that vacant stoned “Shiny! Shiny! I see shiny!” look in his eyes.

And because you’re wondering, I’d still hit it. I mean, wouldn’t you sit on his face just so you don’t have to look at his Fu Manstache anymore? Feeling that stache with your fuck part is probably a lot more pleasant than feeling it with your eyes.

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