May The Power Of Godprah Compel You To Watch OWN
Mark February 12, 2012 as the day our Earth God, Oprah, actually begged us mere mortals to return the favor we owe her for giving us OPRAH!
As obviously none of you know since nobody is watching that shit, Oprah's cable network OWN is still on the air, but it could be letting out its final breath any day now. To put things into perspective, if OWN was an anus, it would be an anus belonging to me. Because only one or two people want to get near it and after they do they regret spending time with it in the first place. It's like the Trinity Network if the Trinity Network was run by OPRAH! I've watched OWN a few times, but shit ain't for me. It's too preachy, too serious and it wants me to learn a life lesson from it. Fuck that. The only lessons I want to learn from TV are how to complain about the wall color when I'm buying a house (House Hunters), how to react like a crazy fool when the taxidermist unveils my stuffed dog to me (American Stuffers) and how to pick the perfect outfit to wear before a drunken girl fight so that the censors have to blur out my exposed asshole (Bad Girls Club).
Anyway, OWN isn't doing too well in the ratings and so Oprah is starting to get desperate. A quick minute after the Grammys started on Sunday night, Oprah asked her nine million followers on Twitter to switch their shit to OWN:
“Every 1 who can please turn to OWN especially if u have a Nielsen box.”
Some of her followers dared to speak out of place and told her she was being unethical and corrupt. Those followers have since been wished into an endless field of TVs that play nothing but reruns of the Iyanla show.
Deadline says that Oprah's begging blew up in her face, because it's against Nielsen laws to openly ask a Nielsen family to watch a specific show or network. In this week's ratings, Nielsen will add a note to all of OWN's shows stating that Oprah tried to cheat and shit.
I would've watched OWN on Sunday night IF I had a Brigitte Nielsen box, but I don't and I'm a little disappointed by this. OPRAH is OPRAH. You'd think that after she desperately begged for viewers, she then would've Tweeted: "Everybody, look under your La-Z-Boy right now. YOU GET A NIELSEN BOX! AND YOU GET A NIELSEN BOX!" Oprah's omni powers are slipping.
And I would feel for Oprah, but the truth is, she brought this upon herself by bringing this:
....upon us. Karma, etc...
• 
Submitted by Stock Broker on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:25pm.
STOCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*SMOOCHES & HUGS*
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:53pm.
Bar, do they tell you what to watch? Are ALL shows tracked or just the non-pr0n ones?
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nah, you had free reign. Aside from the little extra cash, they broke our DVD/VCR player which was only a month old. We found it on ebay and it was refurbished. They replaced the same model, but brand new.
GardeningGirl - If those asshats pass up my No Trespassing sign and ever show up on my doorstep, I'm gonna do like your friend and answer the door nekid. What a brilliant idea!!!
The Phil had a wonderful, awful idea. http://ford-life.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/GrinchF1.jpg
Bar, do they tell you what to watch? Are ALL shows tracked or just the non-pr0n ones?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Whenever someone says "I'm not a racist, but..." personally it *colors* my view of them, so to speak. I don't care and I'm not going to argue, but if you want to be "not a racist" just don't be a racist. If what you said sounds like it was said by a racist except for the part where you said you're not a racist, it's possible that it didn't come off the way you had planned.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:42pm.
Now we have a locked gate and 700' of driveway. It's a good deterrent
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that sounds lovely....
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
Submitted by guest on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:41pm.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
SDR - One time when I was like 19 and had crashed at my best friends house after doing some underaged drinking (shocky face) we woke up to tapping on his front door and the JW were there. Well this was in the middle of his Cure phase and his hair was dyed black and his makeup was fucked up...plus he was naked (no worries, he played for the other team). He opens the door and they took off running! They NEVER came back!
Submitted by barburger on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:46pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:37pm.
Submitted by barburger on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:29pm.
Dog,
We had a Neilsen box for 2 years. What they got from us must've been pretty boring, we basically watch all the same shit. One a quarter you got a check for $150.
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Did you get an Easter basket???
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nope, not 1 GD Peep. LOL--we only did it because my husband was laid off at the time.
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*sends you a case of stale Peeps*
I understand. Difficult times call for difficult measures. ♥
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:42pm.
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Sucky, I think that you missed the part where I said that I don't own a TV. They literally blast you with questions while you're telling them to go away like how often do you watch television, when do you watch TV, what is your favorite website, what do you think of satellite dishes, how often do your surf the internet, blah... The chick was asking my neighbor If I get any mail from Comcast for fucks sake.
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Ya know, if someone was that persistent, I would have let them come in (with proper ID of course) and set their shit up. Then when they got to the part where they put the wires on the TV, I would have been all "Bitch, I told you I didn't have TV". At least you would have gotten the Easter basket...
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:37pm.
Submitted by barburger on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:29pm.
Dog,
We had a Neilsen box for 2 years. What they got from us must've been pretty boring, we basically watch all the same shit. One a quarter you got a check for $150.
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Did you get an Easter basket???
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nope, not 1 GD Peep. LOL--we only did it because my husband was laid off at the time.
That dumb bitch's channel ruined Discovery Health. Now there is Discovery Fit & Health but it is on a higher cable package, that bitch is costing me money!!!
I saw a commercial for her new show, she was eating dinner with some Amish people while she screams, in that fucking annoying Oprah way of hers, "YOU'VE NEVER WATCHED TELEVISION?!?!" Bitch, they are AMISH!!! I've never respected the Amish way of life more until I realized that the legitimately have no clue who the pretentious gas-bag is.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:36pm.
Submitted by guest on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:27pm.
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
This sounds worse than Jehovah Witnesses on bikes. Yikes.
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those guys came to my house one time... asked if there was anything they could do for me... I told them my yard needed mowing. they just stared at me. hahahahahaaa I shut the door.
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When Mr. Spot & I were first living in sin, the JW's came to our crappy wood-framed rent house and knocked on the door. Now, Mr. Spot grew up in the middle of BFE and his nearest neighbors were 1 mile away. Suffice to say, he never had people knock on his door (he really enjoyed Halloween the first time though) and was amazed that people would come to your house to push their religious beliefs on you. The ladies tried to hand him some pamphlets and he declined. I am busting a gut in the background BTW, cause I KNEW what was happening. They tried again and he again politely declined. They shoved their pamphlet into his hand and I watched him turn red, throw the literature on the steps and slam the door. They quietly came back, got their papers and walked away. We weren't visited again.
Now we have a locked gate and 700' of driveway. It's a good deterrent.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:26pm.
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
I saw the dude a few months later installing a box in my neighbors house and he couldn't even look me in the eye. Ha Ha
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omg they sent a hot chix to yer place, tried to give you a basket of free shit AND money just to know what you watch on TV? What an ASSHOLE.
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Sucky, I think that you missed the part where I said that I don't own a TV. They literally blast you with questions while you're telling them to go away like how often do you watch television, when do you watch TV, what is your favorite website, what do you think of satellite dishes, how often do your surf the internet, blah... The chick was asking my neighbor If I get any mail from Comcast for fucks sake.
Jack...ahaha!!! The fat ones on the bikes just crack me up. They're sweating profusely & sucking wind & hell bent on converting everyone. Just no.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
I don't think I get OWN. I thought Oxygen was an Oprah venture, too? Their original programming is garbage.
Drive by XXOOs, hors! Happy VD! And Oprah can fuck herself. She won't pick up the cancelled ABC soaps so she is dead to me. PRIORITIES, people!!!!
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sat, 07/23/2011 -
Is playing a cunt on the internet as satisfying as wanking into your mum's nightie? Because something tells me you'd know all about that.
Submitted by Gigaboob on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:34pm.
I come in and they're talking about periods. Lol.
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It's an Oprah thread. You're lucky we aren't talking about prescription-only Boniva and Eat, Pray, Love. LOL
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Submitted by barburger on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:29pm.
Dog,
We had a Neilsen box for 2 years. What they got from us must've been pretty boring, we basically watch all the same shit. One a quarter you got a check for $150.
---------------------------------------
Did you get an Easter basket???
*waits at the gate with hopeful eyes for Neilsen sales sluts bearing candy gifts*
Submitted by guest on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:27pm.
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
This sounds worse than Jehovah Witnesses on bikes. Yikes.
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those guys came to my house one time... asked if there was anything they could do for me... I told them my yard needed mowing. they just stared at me. hahahahahaaa I shut the door.
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
Oprah did comment on Whitney's death. She said something something angel something ... I don't remember. What sticks in MY mind about Oprah is the time she had Whitney on her show. On some big red stage with no audience. It was all about how Whitney was all clean and out of rehab and Clive was putting her back on tour. It was painfully obvious to me (and I do not have first hand knowledge of drug addiction) that Whitney was being less than honest and not 100% realistic about her life and her recovery. I was disappointed in Oprah. I don't know of she was using her for ratings or if she was so star struck by Whitney. The old days Oprah would have really tried to talk to her for real. Oprah isn't the same Oprah she was in the 80s and 90s. Money and power change people.
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:29pm.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
no. if anything, you have a really light period, lighter than a period should be. I don't believe it would be timed the same as a regular period either. in any case, it's not a good sign.
this one woman was lactating to the point that she soaked her shirt and STILL didn't think anything was particularly amiss. I mean DUH
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Lactating? Wow. Pay no attention to the giant wet spot on my boobs. I think some of these people just lie to get on TV. But I also think that some of the haunted house show folks do, too. I watched a few last time I visited my parents. I don't doubt that paranormal things exist, but some of these people really seem like they're reaching.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
STOCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nielson box, ok, so like the Comcast box I have. Got it.
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:47pm.
I wish I had a Nielsen box. I've never known anyone that had one.
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No you don't!!!! I got in a huge drawn out fight with a Nielsen rep a few years ago and I almost busted out a window on his car because they're annoying corporate brainwashed assholes.
Long story short... Some random dude rings my doorbell and asks If I own a TV or use the internet. Without opening the door, I tell them to fuck off because I live in a big city and you don't open your door for anybody unless you want to get robbed or are a moron. Dude doesn't listen. I kept seeing the guy sitting in his little SUV in front of my house waiting for me to come out after I told him to fuck off at least twice. The Nielsen rep simply wouldn't take no for an answer.
Next, dude brings some hot piece of ass around thinking that he will bait me to come out of the house - still not going to happen plus I don't have a fucking TV anyway so their efforts are totally pointless. This chick started stalking me too. One time, the chick rang my neighbors door to get into the building so she could bait me to come out with a fucking Easter basket looking thing of free stuff?? She was waving the basket in front of the peep hole on my door while I was telling her to fuck off!!! Ha Ha The hot chick was really offended that her looks didn't close the deal too. Ha Ha
You would think by now that they were gone... Nope!! Dude comes back again and by now I think that I counted 7 or 8 times that they rang my doorbell, and these were just the times that I was home. I tried to chill out but basically lost it. He was sitting in front of my house doing some paperwork and I went downstairs, opened his door and just grabbed the paperwork out of his hands. I found my file and started trying to decipher it. The guy had the audacity to try and get me to sign up right then and there. After he figured out how mad I was, he told me that he was going to my neighbors house and that I ruined his algorithm by not joining the Nielsen family program. He was so brainwashed and more scared of not meeting his corporate target than getting punched in the face by me!! I actually felt sorry for the dude and just left him alone after that. It's pretty obvious that the Nielsen company messed his head up with their whole corporate you need us more than we need you mentality.
I saw the dude a few months later installing a box in my neighbors house and he couldn't even look me in the eye. Ha Ha
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I would have run outside like a maniac at the temptation of an Easter basket.
Spotty = Sucker for CANDY!!
They do sound a little warped though. We would probably get denied as we're quite boring out here in the country.
I come in and they're talking about periods. Lol.
too new age for me....Thanks Oprah but I pass....
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
I CAN.NOT with House Hunters. While the scenery is interesting and beautiful, the fact that these people view painting a room to be an insurmountable obstacle in their home buying choice makes me want to hurt them.
I downgraded my DirecTV a few months back and I don't get OWN now. I don't think I'm missing much. I may downgrade further now with all of the shit programming that is on.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:26pm.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
It is physically impossible to have a period when you are pregnant. You can however spot and have bleeding while you are pregnant. If you aren't regular and you have issues with spotting anyways that might be a legitimate excuse not to know. For a month or two. Not all 9.
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Thanks. That's kind of what I figured.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Dog,
We had a Neilsen box for 2 years. What they got from us must've been pretty boring, we basically watch all the same shit. One a quarter you got a check for $150.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
no. if anything, you have a really light period, lighter than a period should be. I don't believe it would be timed the same as a regular period either. in any case, it's not a good sign.
this one woman was lactating to the point that she soaked her shirt and STILL didn't think anything was particularly amiss. I mean DUH
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
This sounds worse than Jehovah Witnesses on bikes. Yikes.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
It is physically impossible to have a period when you are pregnant. You can however spot and have bleeding while you are pregnant. If you aren't regular and you have issues with spotting anyways that might be a legitimate excuse not to know. For a month or two. Not all 9.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:47pm.
I wish I had a Nielsen box. I've never known anyone that had one.
When I was a kid my family were "selected" for this honorable distinction. (sarcasm).
We declined.
I watched the trainwreck that is the O'Neils and Judds and also Shania Twang whining about her husband cheating on her, also Mackenzie Phillips on a hoarders show where they dug her out of her crackden.
Not surprised Orca tanked.
M.E., it's a box the Nielsen Company contracts with you to use and it tracks everything you watch and sends it back to their databases. You get some dumbass perks but they are impossible to get rid of once you agree to have one in your home.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
I saw the dude a few months later installing a box in my neighbors house and he couldn't even look me in the eye. Ha Ha
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omg they sent a hot chix to yer place, tried to give you a basket of free shit AND money just to know what you watch on TV? What an ASSHOLE.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
If OWN showed reruns of Golden Girls & movies like "Show Girls", I may tune in.
Good Afternoon Dlisted snow bunnies!
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:09pm.
Submitted by A.cotw on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:02pm.
This might sound obnoxious, so I will apologize in advance.
I don't understand females who don't take sex seriously.
The consequences of intercourse-physical,emotional,psychological,
practical,social-are greater for women/girls than they are for men/boys. Better to be fucked silly than fucking stupid!
Wasn't Dr. Phil inviting peeps from the show or interns or something into his office & then undressing in front of them? Who needs a shrink now hmmm? & his wife always always in the damn audience.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
WTF is a Nielson box?
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:47pm.
I wish I had a Nielsen box. I've never known anyone that had one.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No you don't!!!! I got in a huge drawn out fight with a Nielsen rep a few years ago and I almost busted out a window on his car because they're annoying corporate brainwashed assholes.
Long story short... Some random dude rings my doorbell and asks If I own a TV or use the internet. Without opening the door, I tell them to fuck off because I live in a big city and you don't open your door for anybody unless you want to get robbed or are a moron. Dude doesn't listen. I kept seeing the guy sitting in his little SUV in front of my house waiting for me to come out after I told him to fuck off at least twice. The Nielsen rep simply wouldn't take no for an answer.
Next, dude brings some hot piece of ass around thinking that he will bait me to come out of the house - still not going to happen plus I don't have a fucking TV anyway so their efforts are totally pointless. This chick started stalking me too. One time, the chick rang my neighbors door to get into the building so she could bait me to come out with a fucking Easter basket looking thing of free stuff?? She was waving the basket in front of the peep hole on my door while I was telling her to fuck off!!! Ha Ha The hot chick was really offended that her looks didn't close the deal too. Ha Ha
You would think by now that they were gone... Nope!! Dude comes back again and by now I think that I counted 7 or 8 times that they rang my doorbell, and these were just the times that I was home. I tried to chill out but basically lost it. He was sitting in front of my house doing some paperwork and I went downstairs, opened his door and just grabbed the paperwork out of his hands. I found my file and started trying to decipher it. The guy had the audacity to try and get me to sign up right then and there. After he figured out how mad I was, he told me that he was going to my neighbors house and that I ruined his algorithm by not joining the Nielsen family program. He was so brainwashed and more scared of not meeting his corporate target than getting punched in the face by me!! I actually felt sorry for the dude and just left him alone after that. It's pretty obvious that the Nielsen company messed his head up with their whole corporate you need us more than we need you mentality.
I saw the dude a few months later installing a box in my neighbors house and he couldn't even look me in the eye. Ha Ha
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:09pm.
Submitted by A.cotw on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:02pm.
Oh yes. And you wouldn't believe some of the excuses they use. I worked for an OB/GYN for 5 years so I know they are full of shit.
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Since you have experience, I've always been curious about this "you can get your period every month while you're pregnant" story that the I Didn't Know folks use.
Is that really possible? It seems to me that if the period came out, the water would break as well, wouldn't it?
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
TEAM HOUSE HUNTERS
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
FUCK OFF ORCA!!!!!!!
Oprah will use Whitney's death to boost up her ratings in 3, 2, 1...
Speaking of hot messes, did any of you watch Chaka Khan last night on Piers Morgan? I used to love that bitch but she looked either drunk or high talking about Whitney's death. She didn't make much sense either.
She lost a lot of credibility when she used to crow that she never endorsed political candidates for any reason yet when she finally endorsed Obama, she swore it had NOTHING to do with his being black. Bullshit, it didn't.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:09pm.
I would have watched IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GOOD TO WATCH!!! She only put up programs by her ass-kissers.
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Word!
That channel used to be my fix for all kinds of disgusting plastic surgery and human fatty shows and now it's not which equals me turning the channel to watch Storage Wars.
Brandi divorce Jarrod and use the money to buy the units yourself!!!!!
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
I can't with House Hunters anymore. I gave up the day this young couple, who were probably 21 years old, were on. She was a college student, he worked part-time, their budget for their first home was $400,000 (?), and she whined like it was her Super Sweet 16 while they looked at these gorgeous houses with marble, pools with waterfalls, etc.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
She better get back on the Paula Deen diet - her face is melting off again!