May The Power Of Godprah Compel You To Watch OWN
Mark February 12, 2012 as the day our Earth God, Oprah, actually begged us mere mortals to return the favor we owe her for giving us OPRAH!
As obviously none of you know since nobody is watching that shit, Oprah's cable network OWN is still on the air, but it could be letting out its final breath any day now. To put things into perspective, if OWN was an anus, it would be an anus belonging to me. Because only one or two people want to get near it and after they do they regret spending time with it in the first place. It's like the Trinity Network if the Trinity Network was run by OPRAH! I've watched OWN a few times, but shit ain't for me. It's too preachy, too serious and it wants me to learn a life lesson from it. Fuck that. The only lessons I want to learn from TV are how to complain about the wall color when I'm buying a house (House Hunters), how to react like a crazy fool when the taxidermist unveils my stuffed dog to me (American Stuffers) and how to pick the perfect outfit to wear before a drunken girl fight so that the censors have to blur out my exposed asshole (Bad Girls Club).
Anyway, OWN isn't doing too well in the ratings and so Oprah is starting to get desperate. A quick minute after the Grammys started on Sunday night, Oprah asked her nine million followers on Twitter to switch their shit to OWN:
“Every 1 who can please turn to OWN especially if u have a Nielsen box.”
Some of her followers dared to speak out of place and told her she was being unethical and corrupt. Those followers have since been wished into an endless field of TVs that play nothing but reruns of the Iyanla show.
Deadline says that Oprah's begging blew up in her face, because it's against Nielsen laws to openly ask a Nielsen family to watch a specific show or network. In this week's ratings, Nielsen will add a note to all of OWN's shows stating that Oprah tried to cheat and shit.
I would've watched OWN on Sunday night IF I had a Brigitte Nielsen box, but I don't and I'm a little disappointed by this. OPRAH is OPRAH. You'd think that after she desperately begged for viewers, she then would've Tweeted: "Everybody, look under your La-Z-Boy right now. YOU GET A NIELSEN BOX! AND YOU GET A NIELSEN BOX!" Oprah's omni powers are slipping.
And I would feel for Oprah, but the truth is, she brought this upon herself by bringing this:
....upon us. Karma, etc...
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The Big O should just sit her fat-ass down and retire. Her network is shit. I would be surprised if it lasts until the end of the year. She did this before with Oxygen. How come no one remembers her first network?
I can't stand her or any of the people she helped make famous like that jerk Dr.Phil.I hope she goes away from television.She deserves to fall on her butt.
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Oprah looks tired as all hell. Girl, you need to take a nap!
Can't she be out of the spotlight for even a second? It's like she doesnt want to sit down for fear of not being able to get back up. She deserves a break... why is she so afraid to take one? No one will forget you , Oprah! You will live on through Dr.Phil, Nate, Dr. Oz and Gail!
Oprah: if U want me 2 watch UR channel, pay my ass.
(Seriously? Is she 14? R U 14, Opes?)
This story has me LMAO! Only ever saw her old show at my dentist's office where I was nowhere near the remote! So there! :D
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"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
ahahahahahaha.
oh well oprah won't lose sleep over blowing $1 billion or whatever she spent on this network, she still has like $50 billion in the bank or something, i think one of her titty can hold $500 million.
the only way she can get the ratings up is to get tom cruise to jump coaches again and perhaps kick dr fake phil in the balls!
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 5:17pm.
Just hot men with tools.
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That's why my girlfriend and I watch Holmes on Homes. A ripped Canadian saying "oat and aboat" and carrying power tools. Swoonworthy. Only thing better would be if he played hockey in every episode. Oh well, I'll take what I can get.
I loathe this woman. I hope her network fails. How does she expect it to go anywhere when she shows only reruns? Dr. Phil reruns too...
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:36pm.
Submitted by guest on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:27pm.
Submitted by z80 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:23pm.
This sounds worse than Jehovah Witnesses on bikes. Yikes.
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those guys came to my house one time... asked if there was anything they could do for me... I told them my yard needed mowing. they just stared at me. hahahahahaaa I shut the door.
^^^^^^
I hated those fuckers. I was home sick with bronchitis and they saw me in the kitchen and they trucked up to the front door (in the 70s and 80s they always brought a little kid with them) and they RANG AND RANG AND RANG the fucking doorbell bc they knew I was home. I finally answered the door and said, "I'm sick with bronchitis and I'm supposed to be sleeping! And why isn't that kid in school? What district is he in? Do I need to call the cops? And besides the fact that I'm an agnostic, I would never be part of a religion that has to recruit people door to door!" and slammed the door in their face. They never ever came back to my parents' house ever. My mom was so proud.
i hope she continues to pour money into this money pit. i hope she holds onto this until she is broke!
Submitted by i_heart_jack on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 5:34pm.
The only show I've ever watched on OWN was "Supersize vs. Super Skinny" which is a recycled U.K. program. I watch it mostly because the doctor on there looks like a younger version of Julian Sands.
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I was flipping through the channels one day and I saw that young-old wrinkly old bitch Gillian McKeith on TV one day . I was wondering what was going on because I hadn't seen her since "You Are What You Eat" was yanked off of BBC America. She's either full of shit or needs a double quarter pounder with cheese and a side of fries because for someone who's a year younger than my Mom she looks old enough to be my grandmother.
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"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
DesparOPRAHHHHHHHH, why don't you come to your senses?
just letting you german shepherd supporters know that one is up for best of show at Westminister tonight . . . Team Dogs!
she came back too soon. how can her fans miss her and yearn for her new network when she never. went. the. fuck. away?!
also, i'd rather see a full page of pete d. photos than a single photo of this unqualified, sanctimonious, drawling quack
For someone as smart as Oprah, I wonder if she is realzing that there's just not a big enough market for OWN. I happily admit my admiration for her but the network is mostly a bore. What is about being a hugely-successful billionaire that has her wanting more?
Oprah forgot that the economy is in the toilet and people like me are not going to pay an extra $10 plus fees on a cable bill to get her shitty channel. Hey if it was on my cable line-up for free I may have checked out a few shows but sure as hell am not paying to see that shit.
Only show I watch on OWN is unfaithful. I happen to discover it right after I found out my boyfriend cheated on me which is probably why it caught my eye.
I fuckin depise Oprah.
"I was surprised by the shiteous quality of OWN. I've watched a few shows (go ahead - judge - you don't know me!)"
Are you kidding? I wouldn't judge you in a million years. Wonderful people like you who watch this already confirm what I knew, so I don't have to pay for the programming or watch it. We should be thanking you.
What Oprah failed to realize is that her success was based on the fact that her fans wanted to see HER. A channel filled with third-rate reality shows of celebrity has-beens 24/7 is not what her fan base wanted to see. That and the fact that it is a premium not basic cable channel (meaning you have to pay extra to get it)was just a bad idea to begin with.
The only show that has been a success is "Oprah's Life Class" which very closely follows the format of "The Oprah Winfrey Show". Go figure.
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THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
Oprah SEX TAPE (with Gayle of course) to boost raitings in 3, 2, 1...
show porn! hell yea its ratings GOLD!
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
The only show I've ever watched on OWN was "Supersize vs. Super Skinny" which is a recycled U.K. program. I watch it mostly because the doctor on there looks like a younger version of Julian Sands.
Submitted by elmo533 on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:11pm.
And it's not even a FUN Fergie show. I mean, Fergie is royalty AND trash who's produced some of the biggest scandals in royal history. That sounds like a delicious guilty pleasure right there... but instead it's all about her feelings and neuroses!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Can't imagine that the Big O really cares what the rules are .... I found myself watching Own one snowy Saturday when a marathon of 48 Hours Mystery (or something like that) was on, but it ain't easy. The commercial breaks are constantly spamming you to watch other Own shows and it gets ... sappy. Real fast.
My friend J and her husband and kid were a Nielsen family. She ended up not liking it - their technician had a tendency to stop by when you don't want him to. They only pay you $20 a month. They're kind of like the TV society - every visit they'll ask twice if you have any other TVs that aren't connected to their box (which you are NOT allowed to touch in any way). Any adult movies start out with this premise? I'm thinking: yes ...
She needs to cut her losses and stop bleeding money through that boring-ass, preachy, feel-good network. Srsly if you have to BEG people to watch stuff on your network, just give up. They're not gonna.
I'm watching that show on HGTV where a hot dude shows you how he fixes up rental apartments for maximum money. No feel good, no preachy, no sad life stories and psychoanalysis. Just hot men with tools.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
@ sybil, I saw that episode too, didn't they have a kid or wanted to adopt? I just kept thinking that kid is going to have such a great life!
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Dark-sided!
In order for me to watch this channel, Gerard Butler would have to be giving me nonstop orgasms while it's tuned in. I've been checking my email and he had not returned my repeated messages, sooooo..... Orpha is out of luck.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
I'm still waiting for the announcement that this is a hoax. It sounds like something the Onion would publish, it's THAT corrupt. Even for her.
I've taken to clicking on OWN just to see what's on so I can laugh at the ridiculously clichéd programming. It's like a Crap Of The Day type of thing:
*click* "Places In The Heart" AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
*click* "Waiting to Exhale" HAR HAR HAR!!!
*click* "Beaches" STOP YER KILLIN" ME!!! *mops brow*
Here's an idea Opie. Why not put shit on your channel that somebody wants to watch. Instead of making an entire channel just to jill off your ego?
Howzat ?
Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:22pm.
guest: I came across several artcles about it!
It makes sense - they are not going to send camera crews and deal with all that expense unless they are sure they are going to get a show out of it but the whole bit about narrowing it down to the final three and watching them "assess" all their options is pure bullshit!
And I'm mad because I like the show! But it's fakedy fake fake
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Thanks for the lowdown Irish Fury..very interesting! Best episode of Househunters Int: The St.John's in Hellerup, Denmark!!! A $2 million budget, insanely good looking, gay, all personality!!
i've completely forgotten oprah has her own network...her fail of own was written in the stars the minute she unleashed that disgusting dr phil on the masses...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Fie upon you michael for showing us that bald ass photo!! This is why I do not watch TV!!
OWN is full of cheap programming and it shows.
Reruns upon reruns.
Dated movies upon dated movies.
"Original" programs are talk/reality shows with her "friends," that require no script, few cameras, and no/low production in general.
And her being on the network, well, she was steadily losing ratings on network tv, so what is that gonna do, really?
One of the richest (and most connected) women in the world is shilling one of the poorest products out there.
I. feel. nothing.
Maybe if she put some good shows on instead of showing re-runs of herself and Dr. Phil it would get more viewers.
guest: I came across several artcles about it!
It makes sense - they are not going to send camera crews and deal with all that expense unless they are sure they are going to get a show out of it but the whole bit about narrowing it down to the final three and watching them "assess" all their options is pure bullshit!
And I'm mad because I like the show! But it's fakedy fake fake!
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Dark-sided!
In case Im not around later for open post - Happy VD all. You may not get a bunch of roses or some fatty chocolates but I wish you all love.
IF...lol.. how do you know all of this? @least they pay them something but it really should be as residuals too since they love to play reruns of that show.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
No one watches OWN cause all the shows suck. FACT. A show on Fergie? Pass.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
If you know the low down on House Hunters, it won't be the same for you so avert your eyes now.
The Lowdown:
To qualify for House Hunters, you have to be in escrow already. Your house is already bought, but your realtor signs on for it anyway (what realtor wouldn't want a As Seen on HGTV or HGTV's House Hunters Consultant on their bio?) and shows other homes that the couple agree to look at but will never buy.
They also need to submit a video of them in their previous show to compare the homes and show why they want to move.
However, the rule is that they have to be in escrow already and sign a confideniality clause.
The pensive "waiting" for short sale approval etc is done after the approval.
Also note: 99% of everyone who chooses a house, actually gets the house. This isn't the case in real life, it's not even remotely realistic.
Also note, over 90% of the homes they pick are already deserted and emptied by the previous owner. This is because the house is already bought and had to have been vacated already.
Same rules for HH International and they get paid a measly $400 for doing the show.
I watch it nearly every night but it's not the same for me now.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:03pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:00pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:59pm.
Dog, I own your dog avvie. for real.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hoof, wot?
I has a purebred male shepherd.
^^^^^^^^^^^
OH! I love Sheps.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:00pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:59pm.
Dog, I own your dog avvie. for real.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hoof, wot?
I has a purebred male shepherd.
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I have never loved life so much.
This is meant in the kindest way possible. Oprah, go fuck yourself.
Amen.
SDR
Thanks for the stale peeps!! Gotta go, lunchtime is over Big Brother watches. Take care and have a Happy Valentines day. Jacko, countdown to 3/15!
@KimberlyAnne ~ they weren't Amish, they were Hasidic Jews.
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:59pm.
Dog, I own your dog avvie. for real.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hoof, wot?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Actually, it wouldn't have occurred to me that she shouldn't beg for Nielsen families to tune in. Aside from the moral issue, at any rate. I had no idea doing that is a no-no.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Dog, I own your dog avvie. for real.
what the fuck, Okra , you need more money? ever see her main residence? it's the size of the HIGH
school I attended, which had three thousand kids at that time. juezzzz... I can't stand this broad, never did.
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I have never loved life so much.
Hey Stocky!!!!!!!!!!
Long time, no talk. Have you made it into Connie Selleca's pantaloons yet?
I was surprised by the shiteous quality of OWN. I've watched a few shows (go ahead - judge - you don't know me!) and the general quality is absolute crap. With the resources and friends-in-the-right-places power she has, the channel is abominable.
Shows like Don't Tell the Bride, Carson Nation, Anna and Kristina's Grocery Bag, The O'Neals and The Judds? FFS! It's one shit show after the other! Not to mind the endless loops and repeats, I'm surprised it lasted this long.
To beg for those with a Nielson box to tune in is insane - didn't she know you can't do that??Oh Oprah - bet your wish you still had your 4pm slot now, instead of holding Oprah's "master classes" and teaching us all life lessons . Yoda did it better, honey.
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Dark-sided!