Matt Boner Has Slipped Out Of The Glass Closet

February 13, 2012 / Posted by:

Matt Bomer, who has the exact genetic makeup of a brown haired Ken Doll, hasn’t exactly been playing a game of spin the dildo with John Travolta behind a stack of business cards for Renee Zellweger’s Beards ‘R Us in the deepest part of the closet. Matt Boner fans have known about his partner Simon Halls and their three chirruns since the beginning of White Collar time, but he hasn’t exactly been running through the streets in a rainbow thong while waving a peen flag. In past interviews, Matt would just wave away the personal questions and derail the interview’s train of thought with the twinkles that jump off of his white teeth and the shiny rays that shoot off of his extra-soft puppy fur hair. But at the Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards, Matt thanked his family while accepting the New Generation Arts and Activism Award. Towleroad transcribed Matt’s words so my lazy ass doesn’t have to:

“And I’d really especially like to thank my beautiful family: Simon, Kit, Walker, Henry. Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is. You will always be my proudest accomplishment.”

Some of you sluts might be confused by Matt’s words and are trying to figure out exactly what he’s trying to say. Let me translate it for you into a language we all understand. Matt basically said that HE LOVES PEEEEEEN and he loves his kids too. Yes, so we should celebrate the only way we know how: by fapping to these pictures of Matt Boner’s nipples TOGETHER! Don’t worry, I’ll keep my eyes on Matt Boner’s nipples and I won’t look down. We don’t know each other like that.

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