LL Cool J opened the Grammys last night by asking the audience to tip the ego globes on their necks while he said a prayer for Whitney Houston. This reminded my ass of when I was dragged to church as a kid and was forced to bow my head during prayer times. I’d split my “bowing head” time between counting the lines on my red corduroy pants (yes, I wore red in church like a true sinful hussy-in-training), wondering if my mom would let me order that chocolate smiley face pancake at iHOP for breakfast and using my up-eye to see who else was slipping into a boredom coma like me. I didn’t see any hos doing this during LL’s prayer, but I did see Mitch Winehouse and Tony Bennett keeping their heads up in a sea of bowing domes. Tony’s head was too high with weed smoke (pepaw loves the good shit) to pull it down and Mitch was wondering where the hell the Jewish blessing for Amy Winehouse was? Or maybe it’s because they’re Jewish. Or maybe it’s because they’re just like me, watching LL Cool J slurp on his lips while reciting a prayer is a much more spiritual experience than bowing my head.
And presented without shade, here’s JHud’s tribute to Whitney.
Okay, maybe just a drop of shade. This would’ve been so much better if Kevin Costner carried Dolly Parton on stage during the middle of JHud’s performance and she sang the rest of this song. Dolly would’ve show JHud how that shit is really done (and by “that shit” I mean singing and wearing a lacefront).