A picture of Adele with a handful of Grammys is worth a thousand fishnet-covered Lady CaCa madbitchfaces and for that reason alone my soul ejaculated out a million happy faces over her winning EVERY-FING (look at me, I’m typing in cockney) last night. Adele was rolling in the Grammys and Lady CaCa was rolling in the derp. YASSSSS!
Seriously, a truck with British plates probably pulled up to the back of the Staples Center last night to take all of Adele’s Grammys back to England. Adele won a Grammy for showing up. Adele won a Grammy for her Catherine Deneuve hair. Adele won a Grammy for her Louboutin nails. All of Adele’s Grammy speeches won a Grammy. Adele’s snot ball won a Grammy. Adele’s pre-posh Eliza Doolittle impersonation won a Grammy. Adele won a Grammy for having the same name as my abuelita. Adele won a Grammy for not being that hipster cunt Bon Iver. Adele won a Grammy for writing the perfect songs for scorned hos to loudly sing to as they shred the clothes of the bitch who screwed them over. Adele will win a Grammy next year for this:
That ten hour-long show was just a waste of time. They should’ve held it in the factory where the Grammy trophies are made and just showed us Adele picking up each award from the conveyer belt and throwing them into her wheelbarrow while singing Whitney Houston songs.