Stacy Keibler Has Officially Been Replaced
Nothing says "Stacy Keibler, please pick up the box of your belongings at the front gate and immediately report to the halfway house for exCLOONunicated hos" like this picture of George Clooney queefing hearts from her eyes while holding hands with his new heartmate Colin Firth at the BAFTAs in London tonight. Finally, after trying out bland trick after bland trick (the robot call girl that is Sarah Larson is not included in that list), George Clooney chose a red carpet escort I can finally get behind in every fucking sense.
You know it's a perfect match when George has a sneaky "I've got the double-sided dildo if you've got a high tolerance for pain" look in his eyes and Colin Firth is trying to quietly scream HELP! with his facial expression. Luckily for him, Colin Firth managed to get away and George was stuck with his other soul(and hole)mate, Brad Pitt who left St. Angie in her crypt tonight.
And before I get to who showed up to that shit tonight to get their award (winners here and Uggie was robbed yet again), let's all throw up our hands and watch as our chonies shoot off of our crotches from the sight of this:
It's not unusual to hump your monitor when you see the original panty creamer Tom Jones. Tom looks like a stick of dynamite filled with Cheetos dust just exploded up in his face and he's still excited about it. This is the charbroiled piece George Clooney should hire as his next escort.
Anyway, here's all the tricks and hos who got glamour ready by spraying their crotches with perfume for the BAFTAs tonight: Jessica Chastain, Jean Dujardin with his wife, Gary Oldman with his wife, Octavia Spencer, Christina Hendricks and her magnificent chichis, an alien from planet Disco Ball, TILDA!!!, Viola Davis, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Penelope Cruz, Brad Pitt, Colin Firth with his wife, DanRad, Clooney and the hot piece who can give me melanoma of the tongue if I lick on him.
Wenn.com, Getty, Splash, Bauer Griffin, Wireimage
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George should hire me to be his date.
(973) Jersey Strong
Tom Jones looks possessed in this picture.
(973) Jersey Strong
Mme Dujardin, Mrs. Oldham and Mrs. Firth all look incredibly classy. Lucky guys!
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Auri sacra fames
I've always thought Tom Jones had African blood, the older he gets the more I'm convinced of it. Nothing wrong with that, just sayin'.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
Submitted by Rasclaat on Mon, 02/13/2012 - 12:16pm.
What's wrong with Tom Jones' eyes and why is he orange? I never did get why people thought he was handsome.Ick.
You'd be surprised, in my Mom's day they'd be flinging panties at him! Seriously! With his unbuttoned chest shirts, and tight-tight rubber pants, they'd get THE VAPOURS!!!!! No joke!
What's up pussycat? Oh ooooo oooouuu ou! :P hahaha
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"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?" MK
Submitted by Rasclaat on Mon, 02/13/2012 - 12:16pm.
What's wrong with Tom Jones' eyes and why is he orange? I never did get why people thought he was handsome.Ick.
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too much plastic surgery. and vanity.
he didn't always look like that. he was much handsomer back in the 70's, when he hadn't messed with his face yet.
Submitted by Rasclaat on Mon, 02/13/2012 - 12:16pm.
What's wrong with Tom Jones' eyes and why is he orange? I never did get why people thought he was handsome.Ick.
^^^^^^^^^^^
I think he was channeling Pennywise.
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What's wrong with Tom Jones' eyes and why is he orange? I never did get why people thought he was handsome.Ick.
I'd do them both (Clooney and Firth).
I'd effe the hell outta them both.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
I filed into a theatre in London just steps behind Colin once. I could have reached out and grabbed his cute little butt.
Only Brad was there last night. Interesting. Anything to do with the fact that one Billy Bob Thornton was giving an award to John Hurt???
BACK AWAY FROM COLIN, YOU BITCH!!!!
HE'S MINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
BORING BORING BORING BORING.
Good God, this awards season has been absolutely snoozeworthy mostly because of the boring ass hos nominated.
Clooney needs to hang it up. With every awards season, with every new escort he ages 10 more years. He's reeking of desperation.
Tilda Swinton used to be an extremely daring actress who was completely left of field. I didn't think she was a particularly great one but she always chose ggod projects. Anyways after the Oscar she has been going after 'edgy' and looking like a fool every time. And this time it's no different. She's bland.
Michelle "I'm a mom first" Williams needs to quit her bambi act. In her capacity as The Widow Ledger she can only wear shitty, basic dresses and trot out his dead body every awards season for votes. The sad part is she's probably the best actress in Hollywood now. She should just sit down and stop being so precious.
And dear Meryl should stop giving grandiose speeches and acting shocked and wearing ridiculous bags.
Glad to see St. Angie not hogging the limelight for once.
God, I hate these awards hos. Wish Snooki, Coco and that beautiful angel Courtney Stodden would crash the Oscars. George can buy Courtney as his next awards season escort.
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Trailer Trash.
I always think Michelle Williams looks classy. Unlike most, I adore her haircut and if was tiny like her, that is how I would wear mine. Except mine is very curly and if I did have it cut like that I would like very much like Mr. Tom Jones instead of like Michelle. The ladies seem to dig him so maybe I that might be something to look into...
SWINTON is wearing another deadly dull un-SWINTON-ish dress, which makes me fear she's had it with the Bowie-alien stuff. Too bad. Love the Flock of Seagulls hairdo, though.
I guess Streep thought "The British are much more tolerant of aging boobs, so I'll let 'em fly!" Also, Michelle Williams has been competing with herself to find THE MOST BORING DRESS EVAR for red carpet events, and she's still on a winning streak. I fear for the Oscars.
Dan Rad looks drunk again.
Gary Oldman's wife looks fucking disgusting. That is not a normal weight even for someone naturally skinny. She is total skin and bones. Ick. Someone feed this poor woman.
Christina, however, looks gorgeous. I think the dress looks great on her.
Where do I begin? Colin Firth- so hot. Has anyone seen "Single man"? Wasn't he amazing?
George C. loos like he always does, which is old.
Jessica Ch.-very pretty. Pitt looks like he always does, which is stupid.
Colin Firth and his wife win "cutest couple", and I love Gary Oldman, so I'll say he and his wife for runner-up, with Colin and George for 2nd runner up.
Why does Christina Hendricks always wear those types of dresses. Bulky, off centered and kinda ugly and old fashioned. With that body she should try a skintight dress or something.
Tilda's toes look they are in search of a tree to climb.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sun, 02/12/2012 - 8:49pm.
Colin Firth is mine!
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No, he's mine!
I just watched "Valmont" (1989) on youtube. Colin was panty-soaking hotttttttt!
Jesus CHRIST. I didn't even know that was Tom Jones until I read it. Yikes.
God I loovve Tom Jones. Yes, he is a little smarmy but I can't help it.
Seen him twice and hugged him once after a show.
What a voice! He has the best pipes in the business and even Elvis recognized what a raw talent he had.
We all know Clooney likes men. Tom Jones is one step away from the grave.
Tom jones!!!! My panties are wet!
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Now that is the way for a lady to wear a tuxedo (Colin's wife). And I covet those shoes.
Tom Jones...mmmmmmmm
Tom Jones is my avie!
I'm 26 years old and I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a huge Tom Jones fan. I saw him in concert once and he killed it! I don't care that he looks like a melting waxwork nowadays!
Oh, and Tom Jones is still HAWT.
Don't you deny it!
Brad Pitt even looks sorta fuckable here - what's that about?
Clooney looks like he's lost his mind.
I guess all award shows are dumb. Watching the BAFTA and the bimbo interviewing M Assbender on the red carpet asked him if he knew Clooney or Pitt. Is that the only question people have other than "what are you wearing?". Jezz.
Ik! That long hair on Brad looks nas-tee! I have an extra $12 rolling around in my purse I should take him in for a trim.
I love the style of Viola Davis' dress but not the color. If she had went with a cobolt blue, cream or red, I think it would have looked a whole lot better.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
On my bucket list: toss panties at Tom!
Forget his wife, Gary is the original HOT SLUT!!!! He carries himself with such APLOMB! Love him! Did you see how he held it together at that 18th century vampire fashion show like he was the head Nosferatu in charge? hahahahah Stars and other poseurs take note how it's done!!! ;)
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?" MK
Gomez and Morticia's daughter has grown into a lovely lady.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
The look on Tom Jones' face says it all. "Yes, I'm still packin'."
Clooney has never looked happier!
I watched hotty Jessica Chastain in "Jolene" last night...good movie if anyone is interested.
Sal, you sexy beast, where have you been hiding??
*smootches and fondles inappropriately*
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 02/12/2012 - 8:24pm.
I am embarrassed to admit this, but I totally dig some of Tom Jones music. Mama Told Me Not To Come w/the Stereophonics is a kick ass tune that I listen to almost daily!
YES, I have musical tastes of a 60 yr old sometimes!
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Tom's version of Mama Told Me is good, but Wilson Pickett's is better and Three Dog Night's version comes in third :) Good song though! I have all 3 versions on my ipod so I guess I'm 60 something too. haha :)
Colin Firth is mine! Clooney is a slut!
George looks natural for once on the red carpet!
But is it not unusual to be orange? Wow did Tom there go to Kenny Roger's surgeon? Doesn't even look like him, had to read to see who that orange ball of wax was.
Submitted by salacious on Sun, 02/12/2012 - 8:39pm.
What is Bai Ling doing there! oh wait, that's Christina Ricci! WTF did she do to her face? She should've stuck to getting photoshopped in magazines, there's no Ctrl-Z'ing out of that face.
LOL, I didn't even realize who that was when I saw the pic.
That's not a good look for someone who (ostensibly) turned 32 today.
Michelle Williams needs to grow her hair out at least a little. She looks like a 50-year-old. And that dress looks weird. It looks like she's wearing a pager.
"It's not unusual to hump your monitor when you see the original panty creamer Tom Jones."
Oh shit that made me laugh myself into an asthma attack!
MK if I wasn't your numbah one hag forever already, that would have done it.
I'm off to the ER now, can't breathe!!!
Colin Firth *swoon*
That is all.
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Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Sat, 12/17/2011
Bitchin' after the fact about a job that you wanted to do for the fat ass check makes you kind of dick. You go to work, do your bit, collect your money. Lik
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sun, 02/12/2012 - 8:37pm.
Gary Oldman's wife is awful fucking bony.
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Her clavicle could cut diamonds.
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Submitted by TequilaTax on Sun, 02/12/2012 - 8:38pm.
Gary Oldman's wife has the same body shape and Angelina Jolie. And everything thinks that chick is nothing but skin and bones.
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Agreed with that. Nothing sexy to me about skin and bones.
What is Bai Ling doing there! oh wait, that's Christina Ricci! WTF did she do to her face? She should've stuck to getting photoshopped in magazines, there's no Ctrl-Z'ing out of that face.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Gary Oldman's wife has the same body shape and Angelina Jolie. And everything thinks that chick is nothing but skin and bones.
How sad that Jean Dujardin is married. *sigh*
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Gary Oldman's wife is awful fucking bony.