Open Grammys Post: Hosted By The Promqueeninator

February 12, 2012 / Posted by:

If you’re watching this mess on E! right now, then we’re rolling our eyeballs in unison at Ryan Gaycrest playing the littlest therapist in the world by taking people by the hand and asking them in a quiet concerned voice about their memories of Whitney Houston. Lawd, I want to run to him, get on my knees and slap him in the face. We don’t give three or zero shits about what Parasite Hilton’s moment with Whitney was like. I’d rather have a conversation with a wet fart than watch Ryan ask that gutter skank Wonky about Whitney again.

Thankfully, my eyes stopped rolling and went to the back of my head after I this Russian American pop star named Sasha Gradiva (who sort of looks like an Xtina made of melted Play-Doh) sashayed by looking like the secret love child of T2 and Pink Prom Barbie as seen through the eyes of Quentin Tarantino. All these bitches are trying to out-CaCa each other (see: Little Red Riding Attention Whore), but Sasha did it on a budget with a clearance prom dress from Windsor Fashions, a can of chrome spray paint and toy guns from The Dollar Tree. I don’t know who Sasha Gradiva is and I won’t know she is tomorrow either, but all the foolery on her body is working for me. But I’m probably only saying that because I don’t really see a gun strapped to her arm, I see the ultimate no-no poker.

Anyway, this is your Grammy Open Post if you’re into it and I’ll cover all the fuckery tomorrow, because I’ll be too busy downing a doodybubbletini (vodka, Nesquik syrup and caramel lube ) while watching this mess.

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