As Halle Berry Makes The Smuggiest Of Smuggy Faces

February 11, 2012 / Posted by:

“See, judge, see, that evil blond bastard is abusing MY daughter! It’s like he’s purposefully teaching her how to plank backwards to make her and me look stupid. That’s abuse. Do something! Do something! I’m an Oscar winner!” is probably what came out of Halle Berry’s mouth in court yesterday as she presented the above picture to the judge as evidence that Gabriel Aubry is a threat to Nahla. It worked, because a judge ruled yesterday that Gabriel can’t spend quality time with Nahla without a court-appointed babysitter (or should I say, baddaddysitter) making sure he doesn’t kidnap her and take her to France to live with his fianc√©. Oh wait, that’s what Halle’s trying to do. I get their crazy antics confused sometimes.

Gabriel was ordered back to court last month after the nanny accused him of raging at her while she was holding Nahla. The nanny filed a police report against him and The Department of Children and Family Services was brought in to investigate. The nanny also claims that Gabriel called her a racial slur several times and yelled at Nahla in front of her. Radar reports that after DCFS wrapped up their investigation, they recommended to the judge that Gabriel not be alone with Nahla for the time being. That means he’ll have a monitor sniffing on his ass (Can I apply for the job?) every time he’s with Nahla and overnight visits aren’t an option anymore.

I’m going to look on the bright side of this mess instead of making yet another joke about how Nahla would be better off being raised by the crackhead hyenas from The Lion King than these two lunatics. In fifteen years or so, Nahla will be able to blame all her bad decisions on her fucked up parents and she’d be correct. And think of all the crazy stories about her crazy parents she’d be able to tell the hos at the bar. And think of the tell-all! This whole “raised by two mental hospital refugees” thing isn’t turning out to be so bad after all. /sarcasm

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