Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 10, 2012 / Posted by:

Jack in the Box’s Bacon Shake! Your search to find the perfect cup of blended romance to end your Valentine’s Day after proposing to your piece with a Pizza Hut ruby ring on a Pizza Hut breadstick (from Pizza Hut’s $10,000 engagement package) has ended. Jack in the Crack’s bacon milkshake isn’t on their menu, so you’ll have to say it loudly to the cashier, but it’s worth it solely for the “you’re a gross piece of shit” eyes of judgement you’ll get from the other customers who are about to order a delicious patty of creamed rat meat shoved between two corn syrup buns.

The Bacon Shake is made with vanilla ice cream, bacon flavored syrup, whipped cream and its topped with a cherry. It’s ONLY 773 calories and 75 grams of sugar per 160z serving! Yes, that number made LeAnn Rimes’ metabolism kill itself and I think I have love handles on my eyeballs just from reading that shit, but it’s worth it. SFist reviewed this mess and they say it basically tastes like sweetened pig vomit. That makes me want this in my mouth even more. (If you only knew how many times a day I say that sentence out loud.)

It’s bad enough that NYC doesn’t have an In-N-Out, but we don’t have a Jack in the Crack either. NYC is a magical gutter land where I can get a dry handjob from a crackhead while walking to the corner deli to buy seafood lo mein at 4am, but I can’t get a delicious Bacon Shake from Jack in the Crack here. Oh, well. Until I get to California, I guess I’ll just have to settle for a cup of sweetened pig vomit. They definitely have that at my corner deli. It’s not on the menu, but if I ask for it at the counter, they’ll get me a bottle of some from the back.

(For Jackie & Stacy)

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