All Hail The Second Coming
Because making your first public appearance in the pages of a magazine is so average (see: Suri in Vanity Fair), Blue Ivy Carter has graced the eyes of the masses for the first time on her own Tumblr page and she's already a genius since she scribbled this handwritten note out:
We welcome you to share in our joy. Thank you for respecting our privacy at this time in our lives.
-The Carter Family.
I think we can all exhale now that we know that Beyonce's genes won the battle. I see a whole lot of Mama Tina and even a drop of Ashanti (that's for all you pillow baby conspiracy theorists). I also see a little bit of my Salvadoran tia after she got all her hair chopped off at Supercuts, but that's a story for another day. Speaking of hair, that baby has so much of it! That baby's hair is laid like Jesus. Or she could already be fooling us all by having the best lace front in the game.
But seriously, I'm a little disappointed by these pictures of our new messiah. I mean, where's her halo halo?
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nobody gives a shit about you except your paid bloggers who have to give a shit to get paid and your stupid stans beyonce.
___________________
"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
It’s not how light the baby skin is, it just has Hispanic features and looks much older than a newborn about 8 weeks old.
Congrats to it’s Hispanic mother. I hope these two retards have paid you well.
It's just a shame to try to pass a hispanic baby as their own black baby, it has absolutely no resemblance to either one of them.
I'm embarrassed for the ignorance some of you are displaying over this innocent babe. You know who you are and YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
is it me or does this kid not look african american? Can rich people now order their children brighter with that in vitro shit?
..
.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
OK there seems to be a little confusion regarding the "race of the baby". Just go ahead and google Beyonce's nephew and look at how light skinned/blue eyed he is. Solange's ex-husband is black. And there is no way that baby was the "biological child of a white woman" cause it was a bit of a scandal that she got pregant out of wedlock and they had to put together a hurried up wedding.
Now, do I believe Bey carried and gave birth to Blue Ivy? Hell no! But I do believe it is their biological child. She already looks a little like both of them. Besides, they are both too narcissistic to raise a child that does not carry their genes. that was their whole purpose in having a child...
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THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
Submitted by vegaschick on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 5:36pm.
Actually, Thamar I did. I'm not sure which prison GED program you learned English grammer from, so I'm having a little trouble deciphering your post.
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Actually, it is more likely Bellevue than prison. If you could decipher the post at all, that is quite encouraging. Usually there is no interaction with others at all, just some haiku bullshit about flying and not wanting to something something!!
Feel blessed s/he came out of their coma and picked you to spill crazy upon.
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Submitted by Meatblocks on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 10:17am.
it ain't awesome until flatts shits on it.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt
Er, that's GRAMMAR with an 'A'.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Actually, Thamar I did. I'm not sure which prison GED program you learned English grammer
Vegaschick I call your post major horse hockey to provoke.No one f'n TELLS their husband they are using a surrogate!!!
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Actually, Thamar I did. I'm not sure which prison GED program you learned English grammer from, so I'm having a little trouble deciphering your post.
We've discussed it and he doesn't care either way. I'm lucky he has the money to do it and I get to stay fabulously thin. Either that or we're adopting.
Submitted by Hotmami on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:37pm.
SFRB! Ahahaha!
Re: Men and babies. There are also the ones who aren't ready to raise/support the children they make, but are ok with raising someone else's.
Cough.
======
Hands Mami a shank...
Submitted by Fronika on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 3:43pm.
Oh Christ, it really is a Mothers' Union meeting below. Fcuk off to Mumsnet you lot.
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Lord, ain't you hateful!
Submitted by Fronika on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 3:43pm.
Oh Christ, it really is a Mothers' Union meeting below. Fcuk off to Mumsnet you lot.
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aaawww... somebody's momma never taught them how to spell "fuck".... tragic.
OT: i still think this kid looks like a piece of plastic
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by Amandachalynn707 on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 11:49am.
I was actually a surrogate. I went to college, we own a house and have nice cars. We're not rich, but we're far from desolate. I was a surrogate for a friend of a friend. I had met her a couple of times. They tried for 5 years to have a baby of their own. They tried adoption at one point, got the baby, and then the father and paternal grandparents of that baby contested the adoption and won. They were heartbroken and did not want to risk that again. I found out about all of this while we were at a girls margarita night. I had two kids, got pregnant as soon as we started trying, was in labor for 3 hours or less both times, and was not even in need of ibuprofen after. I did have an epi during. It was so easy for me, and just listening to her made me feel like I needed to help her, so I did. They did not use my egg, the dr's grew an embryo and then placed their baby in my oven. So now you have at least one instance of a woman who is not in great need of cash being a surrogate. *tounge sticking out*
Good for you! That is such a nice story. Glad you were able to help your friends realize their dreams of a happy family.
Oh Christ, it really is a Mothers' Union meeting below. Fcuk off to Mumsnet you lot.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
Stop giving birth, people. Not enough oil and taxes.
Soylent greeeeeeeeen!
My friend gave birth to a baby for her boyfriend's mother, she gave up ALL rights to the child and the grandmother legally adopted the child. After the promises to my friend that she would get to see the child once in a while and get updates and photos, 'grandma' never did any such thing and it broke my friend's heart.
There might be 'some' happy stories about 'surrogates' but, giving birth is no 'cake walk' for most people and carrying a child in your womb and not bonding with that child on purpose is seriously FUCKED UP both for the woman carrying the child and for the baby too.
@Bossy I wanted to be clear that there are definitely miserable parts of pregnancy; I didn't have a fairy tale pregnancy but I was very lucky overall. I was very sick with some of them, exhausted, heart burn, etc...and I am very aware that each pregnancy is different. I just didn't want you to write of pregnancy completely just based on your fear of body issues. Pregnancy and motherhood is one of those things that you can't truly comprehend until you experience it and people's words don't hold much weight until you go through it yourself. There are just such incredible moments like feeling your baby move, or the baby responding to your voice, or when your husband lays his head on your belly and talks to your baby that makes me sad to think some will miss out on ;) Those are just awesome moments that you will never get back and it honestly makes the rest so worth it! No matter what you ultimately decide, I wish you the best :)
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:58pm.
Yep. I did have platonic single males .. but their brains kinda migrated toward sex a lot and.. I guess it's ok if I'm super horny.. but then there goes the point of a platonic friendship? I had one male friend I said I wanted just to be friends with .. and that wasn't cozy in his brain because he didn't wanna see me as just another friend or treat me like any of his guy pals. Wtf? I didn't say punch me in the shoulder and treat me like a man. I just didn't want sex. And no.. didn't want to be treated to dinner and bought jewelry for. That is DATING. Anyway ... things get gay in the end sometimes.
TexnDoc on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:54pm.
I once delivered a baby as a student to a woman who has a raging stomach flu and I got peed, pooped and projectile vomited on. It was like delivering Linda Blair full demon.
OH. MAH. DAwG.
The horrendous smell must still linger somewhere in your limbic system like a frightened child hiding in a closet from the bogeyman.
Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:42pm.
I very rarely see my married friends because of new babies, or them totally having miserable marriages making being around them virtually impossible without wanting to beat them both to death. I basically have platonic, single, male friends at the moment who fit well into my life style. The single gal pals I have are OBSESSED with finding a man, gettin' a ring on it and popping out a little babah immediately, and I am just not down with that behavior. So I kind of ditch the single girls right now in favor of peace and fun.
I used to hang with a fun married couple who obviously hid their marital misery from me well, because out of nowhere, they divorced, so there went my fun! Now both are obsessed with out doing the other in finding a new mate. NO FUN TO BE AROUND! And YES, it is all about entertaining ME! hee hee!
<"Submitted by Karen Flatts on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:41pm.
If anyone is looked down on for pooping while giving birth, whoever is doing the "looking down" is an utter fucking moron.">
I once delivered a baby as a student to a woman who has a raging stomach flu and I got peed, pooped and projectile vomited on. It was like delivering Linda Blair full demon.
Aww...whoever's she is, she's a beautiful little girl.
Dilated anus??? Anal gaping!!! HAHAHAHA
Awmighty Lawd, please don't show the uninitiated what's behind the curtain!
*passes out SCREAMING!*
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?" MK
Satan:
LOL.
Karen Flatts on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:41pm.
Babies sometimes poop their first poop when they are birthed too.
Birth! It's a shit-fest!
You women who are not giving birth to tax payers and government ponzi schemes should all be ashamed of yourselves!
*slaps all you non child-bearing vagina holders with a fresh placenta*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:27pm.
Yeah. I have a hard time finding friends my age (I'm 29) who have time to do anything. I understand work, definitely ... but so many people have kids that I have to kind of shuffle away or find ways to entertain myself. Kids really do take up one's life. Down to the movies you can watch. One wonderful exception being this cool couple I know who I can visit and get stoned with (they live in the country) and act like an immature fool with. They're my sanctuary when I get really tired of work and need to get away for a bit. But yanno..
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 11:40am.
Submitted by KidL on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 10:55am.
Re: some of these comments- Not everyone's body goes to hell when they have a baby.
I had a baby and within 5 days was back in my size 4 jeans. I didn't have to diet nor did I have any stretch marks. I had my daughter sans any pain meds and it hurt, but wasn't unbearable. I didn't pee or poop myself while having her but if I had, so what?
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Did you actually ask the Obstetrics nurses whether you pooped or peed? If not, chances are good you probably did, but they are trained that it happens in a majority of natural deliveries, and to no more mention that to a delivering mother than they would any other natural "outcome" of that process.
If anyone is looked down on for pooping while giving birth, whoever is doing the "looking down" is an utter fucking moron.
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Submitted by Meatblocks on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 10:17am.
it ain't awesome until flatts shits on it.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt
SFRB on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:37pm.
Does the Devil eat vegetables?
Satan, may I fig you?
I eat wal-mart people wearing fig leaves? That count? >;)
SFRB! Ahahaha!
Re: Men and babies. There are also the ones who aren't ready to raise/support the children they make, but are ok with raising someone else's.
Cough.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Does the Devil eat vegetables?
Satan, may I fig you?
*~*~*~* ========|D ~o ~o (_(_) ~*~*~*~*~*
So, my advice is you can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.
No anal gaping talk during precious moments!
SFRB on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:29pm.
Hahahahahahaha!
I like the way you sphinct, sweet leetle pink taco mami!
As long as you can pucker up, it's aaaaaaaaalllll good! >;)
Submitted by Bossy on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:27pm.
Have a good one Bossy!
Hello, I am 31 years old with one child, and I would like to say that before I was pregnant, my prolapsed anus measured 12.7 centimeters (that's 5 inches for you Ambericans) and after I gave birth, it measured 10.3 centimeters (about 4 and a half inches) so, yeah, some of us bounce back.
(This measurement was taking over my pink leopard spot leggings that I wear as pants.)
The secret is: EXERCISING IT! DON'T BE LAZY! EXERCISE AND FEED YOUR ANUS A LOT OF FRUITS AND VEGGIES AND YOU WILL BE FINE.
Everyone here who says that your anus will never be the same after pregnancy is right, but it can still be smaller than it was before.
*~*~*~* ========|D ~o ~o (_(_) ~*~*~*~*~*
So, my advice is you can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.
Okay, I'm done for the day. I'm more than sure I've reached my Dlisted word limit for the next month or so.
Do all babies have a lot of hair after they're born? I know nothing about that so....someone care to fill me in?
Some do, yes. My niece, for example (also mixed race), was born with a ton of thick pitch black straight hair, exactly like Blue Ivy. That hair was eventually shed and replaced by curlier hair in a medium brown color.
Me, I was born completely, utterly, bald (also mixed race). When I did get hair, it stayed pretty much straight until I was about 5, and then it got really curly.
Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:18pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:13pm.
Yeah! So, why do you think a lot of men bring up the baby thing? Doesn't that go against their idea of "freedom"?
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I think some bring it up, knowing that the relationship will end, and others "think" they will paint this great picture of mommy, daddy and baby making three, and life will be grand. They think they will eventually change your mind. B.S!
And YES, it does go against their idea of "freedom", BUT when they are ready, they are READY, and expect you to do the same. EFF THAT! I make it clear, I don't want kids, your kids, or our kids, and lately, guys are already saddled with one or two by the time they are mid 30's, which sucks.
Yeah, I am horrible, but I like children.....at a DISTANCE!
@Evil_Cupcake, hahaha I kind of like them telling me what to do! It doesn't mean I'm going to do it but the passion behind it, the conviction, it's all awesome. I'm actually annoyed when everyone agrees on something in a Dlisted post and then one person disagrees and they all get pissed and gang up on them. It's all about intelligent (and sometimes snarky) discussions and varying opinions! We can't all just sit around and nod at each other all day.
@HomecomingQueenRunnerUp, thanks for the comment. I don't really feel attacked. I actually like Dlisted for this very reason. People will give you their opinions and they're very forthcoming. In the end hopefully everyone gets something from it.
I've come away thinking that maybe I shouldn't 100% write off pregnancy. It's not like the facts that many of you have stated are new or surprising, but rather that having them come from someone in a very personal, emotional way makes me want to take them in and think about them.
Likewise, I hope some of you came away thinking that maybe if someone you know decides to have a surrogate because they've had a long road of body issues (it's not that I've always had a "perfect body" and want to keep it, I've had a hell of a road with self esteem and body image) and would rather start off their motherhood on a wholly positive foot you won't judge them as harshly.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 2:13pm.
Yeah! So, why do you think a lot of men bring up the baby thing? Doesn't that go against their idea of "freedom"? Haha. Well. Not all men are forever-bachelors. Or want to be. But I find it surprising how many wants kids more than I do.
What if Beyonce is really a lesbian and Jay Z is the "socially acceptable" male to make it look like she's heterosexual? Though in 2012, I find it hard to think of why her fame would go down if she admitted to being gay.
Submitted by Andrei on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 1:50pm.
I'm not really interested in having kids at all (I'm female).
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No kids for me either. Never have I wanted them, and I know I never will. I have ended many relationships in the past due to the "baby" thing being brought up.
Submitted by Bossy on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 1:57pm.
Bossy, you get no shade thrown at you from me. I think you have made excellent points in your post and frankly, I get tired of sanctimonious, judgemental telling everyone else how they should think, act and feel. If it doesn't bother your significant other (if you even choose to marry at all, if you are currently not married) why should anyone else be bothered by your choice? It isn't as if you would be forcing anything on anyone.
I applaud your honesty and your reasons behind wanting what you want. It is really no one's place to tell you what you want and how you want it is wrong.
Submitted by Bossy on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 1:57pm.
Hey, it may have seemed like I was criticizing you but I wasn't. I was only commenting on the fact that I was one of those lucky ones who likes my body just as much now (except for my c-section scar, which I plan to get lasered off).
I'm vain and ok with that, I just got lucky and I wanted to point out that not everyone gets a grody body from pregnancy, which you clearly know.
Also, fyi, I hated every second of being pregnant. I love my child more than anything, but I will not be doing it again. Pregnancy made me extremely uncomfortable in every way. And so, no, I don't think you're missing out--but others will disagree.
Good luck to ya ;D
Also .. I don't think having kids or not having kids is the question of all questions. Kids, to me, are just another part of life you choose to do or not do. Some people know they want them others don't think about it (like me). I'm not sure what the big deal about kids is. They are one way to be fulfilled in life ... as there are other methods, also.
I also see a little bit of my Salvadoran tia after she got all her hair chopped off at Supercuts, but that's a story for another day.
Hahahahahah, OMG. PULEEESE tell us that story soon, Mikey.
This kid looks totally like a "Michael Jackson baby," and you know what that means. Of course Beyonce "got her figure back" - it's the same one she had before this kid was born.
Cute though.