Sheyla Hershey’s Mega Chichis Saved Her Life

February 9, 2012 / Posted by:

When we last heard of the Brazilian blossom Sheyla Hershey, she was lying on her death bed after she tried to kill herself because she was forced to downsize her 38M titties and she didn’t want to live in a world where she didn’t have two globes of pure silicone suffocating her lungs (aka asTITSiation). It was a true titty tragedy (aka a tragititty). Well, those same plastic chest planets that almost put her in the grave, kept her out of the grave this past weekend. This is the information the Surgeon General needs to order that a “FAKE TITS SAVES LIVES!” label must go on every bag of chichi gel.

Sheyla tells The Mirror that after she got boozed up at a Super Bowl in Houston, TX, she sort of kind of smashed into a tree while driving home. Sheyla wasn’t wearing a seat belt, so the sheer force of hitting a tree should’ve sent her flying through the windshield to her death. But thankfully, Sheyla has a pair of 38KKK built-in airbags that saved her life. Sheyla denies that she was drunk, but she was still arrested and will have to answer to the DUI charge in court next month.

It makes my nipple slits smile knowing that Sheyla has fully recovered from her suicide attempt and has realized that the world needs beauties like her to keep spinning and she will continue to stretch out baby blue cotton jumpsuits (Really, the fuck is she wearing?) with her enormous tits. But then it makes my nipples slits frown knowing that the Houston Police Department put this beauty behind bars for even a quick minute. That is an injustice! Sheyla is a precious gift and if she left this world, the silicone industry would go bankrupt and fake tits would become extinct. It would be a sad world. And Sheyla’s hippo ass tits stopped this from happening. So she should be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize, not arrested! We need a petition for this shit.

And I also need to see Sheyla reenact this crash on The Insider. But only because I need to know how she’s able to drive with those quadruple stuffed chest balls in the way. Did she remove her driver seat and just drives from the backseat using two cat grabbers? Does she drive with her tits and uses her hands to reapply her exquisite eyebrows? I bet it’s the latter. There’s really NOTHING Sheyla’s life-saving tits can’t do.

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