Because When You Think Of Dusty Cooch, You Think Of Pimp Mama Kris
Quick Correction: When I think of dry coochie, I think of Bruce Jenner's dried-up labia face. But the makers of Zestra, a sex sauce for ladies with cottonmouth of the 'gina, think of Pimp Mama Kris and so they asked her to be the spokeswhore for their pussy lube. This is a genius move on Zestra's part since when you look at Kris Jenner's face, all the moisture evaporates from your wet parts and you need a bottle of lube more than ever. Try it. Stare at Kris' face and then try to tell me I'm lying after you look down into your panties to find a tumbleweed and a patch of dried tears.
Here's a piece from Pimp Mama Kris' introduction letter on Zestra's site:
You can’t always plan a romantic dinner or wait for a vacation to have amazing sex, so you have to take advantage of those moments of mutual intimacy. And that’s what I love about Zestra…it works in minutes and is easy-to-use. For me, it’s instant gratification. In a busy, complicated, hectic life, you can still fit in the time for sex, and you know it’s going to be enjoyable.Zestra is a safe, natural blend of botanical oils. And it’s clinically proven to enhance sexual desire, arousal and satisfaction in 70% of women. This includes women of all ages and life stages, as well as women on certain types of medication who experience sexual difficulties. That’s important to me. So whether you are 30 or 50, on antidepressants or just stressed from everyday life, Zestra can work for you.
Now, if you are reading this and thinking, “Okay Kris. Busy I can handle. Being over 50 (and fabulous!) I can handle. But what do I do if I’m bored to tears with my relationship?” Well, I’m going to give you the same answer. Try Zestra.
Kris doesn't mention this in her letter, but she also smears Zestra on Bruce's Cassandra face when he needs to make an expression.
Doesn't Zestra sort of sound like that gross shit Olestra? You know that crap they put in chips that gave everyone the butt vomits? I bet that when Olestra flopped, the makers repackaged it as lube and are now calling Zestra! It figures that a Pimp Mama Kris-endorsed lube will give you a wet pussy and a wet ass at the same time.
• 
She looks really good at first, but then I scrolled down. With her bewbs exposed like that the whole look is cheapened and the whole package looks like an old hooker.
Is this new product super expensive? Because lube can be bought almost anywhere.
what if i hate the bitch?
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
JUST GROSS
Submitted by joe shmoe: "Submitted by yepyepyep on Thu, 02/09/2012 - 3:57pm.
this older lady told me after your fifties you start drying up down there and she would understand if her husband went with a young girl because it gets that bad..
*****
What she really meant was she was counting the days until he started bothering someone else."
AH HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's something I didn't understand for the longest time. That a husband could be fucking on someone else and the wife wouldn't even care, or she'd even be relieved.
Submitted by SFRB on Thu, 02/09/2012 - 3:35pm.
Her nose looks like a very young river - all raggedy and windy.
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Young rivers are straight, old rivers are windy.
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
*side-eyes da-button's wienner*
THAT NOSE!!!!
Hey, she a crazy devil woman but I'd still bang the ass off of her. ba-buttons likes bitchy cougars.
She strikes me as the type who has hit on every one of her daughters boyfriends. Probably tagged at least one or two *coughreggiecough*
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
These people really will put their name on anydamnthing. Kim's ad for Valtrex and Bruce's ad for Easy Spirit in 3, 2, . . .
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Her titty balls are perkier than Lohans, and she's had 6 kids. Now ain't that a bitch. :-P
Charlie, so they don't want to be Armenian now?
“Okay Kris. Busy I can handle. Being over 50 (and fabulous!) I can handle. But what do I do if I’m bored to tears with my relationship?” Well, I’m going to give you the same answer. Try Zestra.
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hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa
oh kris, you silly bitch. do as i say, and not as i do. right?
she claims she is not a gypsy like the rest of them are and that she is black irish. she doesnt look black irish to me. she looks like a gypsy just like her ex husband and spawn.
I'm pretty sure Kris she is dutch which would make sense as to why khloe is huge.. whether or not she shares the same father as her kardashian sisters.
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Annelle, honey, what do you say we talk some trash.
Who broke her nose and then tried to put it back together?
@Hekki - I think Owen Wilson's nose is better looking :) haha
Submitted by yepyepyep on Thu, 02/09/2012 - 3:57pm.
this older lady told me after your fifties you start drying up down there and she would understand if her husband went with a young girl because it gets that bad..
*****
What she really meant was she was counting the days until he started bothering someone else.
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Does it turn you into a lesbian too, Kris?
the fine print on the Zestra package:
*Zestra is NOT a contraceptive. If you are planning on sexing your hairdresser, use protection!
Hahaha MK @ 'cottonmouth of the 'gina'..hahahahaha
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this older lady told me after your fifties you start drying up down there and she would understand if her husband went with a young girl because it gets that bad, so technically that is all I know about this product
and anything endorse by a kkk member will be shunned by me
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Did the silly bitch actually PAY for her nose to look like that?? This family has peaked fo sho.
Yes, Olestra! I remember they put that in WOW! Chips and said you could eat all the chips you wanted and not gain weight or something crazy. I don't think those chips ever gave me the runs, if I recall.
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!
First she endorses pee pee pads & now lube. Not painting a very pretty pitcher of your hoo hah there Krissy baby.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
what man in his right or wrong mind would bone this whore...I hate her and she is fuggy fug beyond words...her nose job is hideous as is her face lift and boob job, if you make a deal with the Devil at least look somewhat attractive, I think the Devil fucked her over by making her look this ugly and unappealing, she is a boner and wet vag killer for sure.
I've actually heard this stuff is good for menopausal women. Anyone hear tried it?
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
I think Kris is the perfect spokeswhore for Zestra. I'm sure she needs a boatload of the shit if she is doing her cross-dressing husband, Bruce.
Then again, Bruce may be the woman in their relationship and its actually his product.
Great nose job! *snickers*
Nice over-microwaved hot dog nose Kris! Hekki lmfao @ "Owen Wilson".
So. Sick. Of these people.
i started watching this show recently when i happen to catch it on e. usually late at night laying in bed. i like scott disick at lot. he is just a cool dude. very likable person. he seems to be the only one who is really himself and gives the impression he is real.
Oh Michael have pity and get this off the screen!
Dear OJ, please get out of jail so you can Nicole Brown Simpson the Kardashians, k thanks. Signed, The World.
She and Tori Spelling have the same collapsed nostril. they share a surgeon for sure.
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It's a Miracle, a true blue spectacle, a miracle come true.
We're together baby, I was goin' crazy till the miracle came through
-Barry Manilow
MK, your vivid descriptions never fail to gross me out....I mean that in the nicest possible way!
For no other reason than PMK endorsing this crap, I vow never to use Zestra or anything that ends with an "estra"!
I thought this whore already admitted that she hasn't had sex with Bruce in ages? On their faux reality show? I wonder how she's (shudder) going to work a plug for that product into the script on another episode of their crap. I would've loved it if the copy ent something like, ' when you've got 4 young kids at home and you're fucking everyone from the gardener to the hairdresser - you're going to need this lube to keep things running smoothly down there while your partner feels like he's throwing a hot dog down a hallway!'
Submitted by guest on Thu, 02/09/2012 - 3:29pm.
sugar...I'd have to pick pmk over camel joe.
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Her nose looks like a very young river - all raggedy and windy.
*~*~*~* ========|D ~o ~o (_(_) ~*~*~*~*~*
So, my advice is you can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.
Hey, Kris! Owen Wilson called. He wants his nose back.
It must be Skank Day at Dlisted. Happy Skank Day!
Just gross.
Yuck. Could this family stoop any lower?
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
It figures that a Pimp Mama Kris-endorsed lube will give you a wet pussy and a wet ass at the same time.
AHHHH Hahahahahahahaha!
I fucking hate celebrity endorsements. I want to write a letter to these people and tell them that I USED to use their product, but now that they're paying her ass, goodfuckingbye to my businesses. Like Advil and Jon Bon Jovi and his busy fucking life as a singer-songwriter-philanthropist-fuckwad.
sugar...I'd have to pick pmk over camel joe.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Her nose situation is unfortunate. Looks like it's been broken tons of times.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Ugh! Detest this vile crone!
If you HAD to choose between THIS woman's face and Jay-Z's face...
*~*~*~* ========|D ~o ~o (_(_) ~*~*~*~*~*
So, my advice is you can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.