Because When You Think Of Dusty Cooch, You Think Of Pimp Mama Kris

February 9, 2012 / Posted by:

Quick Correction: When I think of dry coochie, I think of Bruce Jenner’s dried-up labia face. But the makers of Zestra, a sex sauce for ladies with cottonmouth of the ‘gina, think of Pimp Mama Kris and so they asked her to be the spokeswhore for their pussy lube. This is a genius move on Zestra’s part since when you look at Kris Jenner’s face, all the moisture evaporates from your wet parts and you need a bottle of lube more than ever. Try it. Stare at Kris’ face and then try to tell me I’m lying after you look down into your panties to find a tumbleweed and a patch of dried tears.

Here’s a piece from Pimp Mama Kris’ introduction letter on Zestra’s site:

You can’t always plan a romantic dinner or wait for a vacation to have amazing sex, so you have to take advantage of those moments of mutual intimacy. And that’s what I love about Zestra…it works in minutes and is easy-to-use. For me, it’s instant gratification. In a busy, complicated, hectic life, you can still fit in the time for sex, and you know it’s going to be enjoyable.

Zestra is a safe, natural blend of botanical oils. And it’s clinically proven to enhance sexual desire, arousal and satisfaction in 70% of women. This includes women of all ages and life stages, as well as women on certain types of medication who experience sexual difficulties. That’s important to me. So whether you are 30 or 50, on antidepressants or just stressed from everyday life, Zestra can work for you.

Now, if you are reading this and thinking, “Okay Kris. Busy I can handle. Being over 50 (and fabulous!) I can handle. But what do I do if I’m bored to tears with my relationship?” Well, I’m going to give you the same answer. Try Zestra.

Kris doesn’t mention this in her letter, but she also smears Zestra on Bruce’s Cassandra face when he needs to make an expression.

Doesn’t Zestra sort of sound like that gross shit Olestra? You know that crap they put in chips that gave everyone the butt vomits? I bet that when Olestra flopped, the makers repackaged it as lube and are now calling Zestra! It figures that a Pimp Mama Kris-endorsed lube will give you a wet pussy and a wet ass at the same time.

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