Randy Travis was shuffled off to the drunk tank in Sanger, Texas at around 1 this morning after the cops ruined his buzz by catching him guzzling from a wine bottle while sitting in his car which was parked in front of a baptist church. If you put a banjo and a sprinkle of twang on that last sentence, it really would sound like a country song. As soon as Randy Travis smears some lip chap on those crackle lips (Seriously, couldn’t the cops have given Randy a dollop of Vaseline for his mug shot moment?), he should write that song.
NBCDFW says that someone called the police to complain about a suspicious-looking vehicle parked in front of the church. The cops answered the call and found Randy sitting in his car. When Randy rolled the window down, the cops practically got tanked from inhaling his 100 proof wine breath. Randy had an open bottle of wine on his lap, so the cops killed his car party for one and dragged him to jail. Randy was booked on public intoxication and dried out in the tank for a few hours before he was released.
Who hasn’t been arrested for getting drunk on the blood of christ in front of a church? But the thing is, Randy Travis lives in some town called Tiogra, which isn’t far from where the cops got his ass. So why wasn’t Randy getting plastered under his carport like all the Texans I know? Let’s hope that Randy learned a valuable lesson from this. The lesson being that when a trick you met from Grindr (or Craigslist, or from calling a number you found scribbled in front of a urinal in a truck stop bathroom) tells you to meet them in front of the baptist church with a bottle of Chateau Diane, tell them to come to your carport instead!
No, seriously, I had this friend in L.A. who never let the tricks he met online come into his house. He’d meet them in front and then take them into the garage. They’d do their thing on an old futon and then he’d kick them out. His reasoning was that he was too lazy to go to their house and he didn’t want them to come inside his just in case they were thieves. He’d tell them that his dog didn’t like strangers. So there’s your Ho Shit tip of the day! Hopefully, it goes from my blog to Randy’s eyes.