February 5, 2012 / Posted by:

Obviously, I lie telled in the post below, because Madge’s Darth Vadar crotch had a starring role in tonight’s Super Bowl halftime show. I don’t know whether Madge’s dark spirit is trying to exorcise itself out of her eye sockets via her neck veins or if it’s trying to escape through her gargoyle snatch. The only thing I know is that if I were wearing a crucifix around my neck, it would’ve turned upside down before exploding into dust. Somebody get the priest and a gallon of holy water, but this is some serious dark-sidedness.

via Buzzfeed

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118 responses to “UPDATE: I Lied”

  1. Datura says:

    I didn’t think any part of her could compete with her arms in the sheer terror department, but I guess I was wrong…

    Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb

  2. BaconSlut says:

    My Persian cat pays more attention to his ass hairs.

    “Uh, hello, room service? I’d like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores.” -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead

  3. Janetrenowins says:

    Oh God. I just. Ugh. This does validate my statement to my fb friends that bitch stole all the camera’s from Desperate Housewives for this thing. Looking at that photo..there is just no fucking way she looks as good irl as she looked tonight. Is there some kind of magic make me look like a 20 year old button on camera’s now or can you actually photo shop live? I’m not very into tech shit.

  4. missskitttin says:

    The nun dress was not good. She looked like an older chorus teacher.

  5. Winnyfranfran says:

    What am I looking at here? Is that her hairy crotch? WTH? I didn’t watch this mess. I hate football.

  6. Twas Brillig says:

    Looks like pelvic bone bruising, not enough fat in her ass.

  7. kndall44 says:


    Gisele’s prayer circle….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!11!

    I guess Tom didn’t have a prayer!


  8. Janetrenowins says:

    Submitted by missskitttin on Sun, 02/05/2012 – 10:19pm.

    The nun dress was not good. She looked like an older chorus teacher.


    Yes, but the dress at the end at least covered, well. All of ^ THAT ^ up.

  9. karen says:

    ” Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer”..William S. Burroughs

    halftime show kicked ass. old girl was on her A game. Excellent game. Go Giants!

  10. TimC says:

    I love how her cheek implants are trying to run down into her eyes. Speaking of Brazilians (not you, baby jesus) she reminds me of Catherine Helmund at the funeral in Brazil (the movie).

  11. bourgie says:

    The only bad thing about the performance was this idiot dancer in gray. Annoying. This is the kickoff to a mad busy year for Madge. Go on wit your bad self.

  12. Migraineuse says:

    I’m glad to know I’m not the only person who gets that inner-thigh discoloration.

    Not sure I’d show it off in front of millions of viewers though.


    “This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa.” — Who Datt

  13. Condi the ingrown toenail says:

    She covers up her granny hands and stringy arms, but proudly uncovers her dried up coochie? Good lord. Talk about misplaced priorities.

    And under no circumstances is she a “girl” anymore. Hasn’t been for many years.

  14. MedusaChrist says:

    Those cheeks! Yikes…the puckering… it looks like cellulite on her face… wtf.

    The worst part of the performance was that hackey-sack Richard Simmons doing that hippie tight-rope stuff while Madonna tried to weirdly bounce along with him.

  15. WithinReason... says:

    “Madge’s Darth Vadar crotch” and her “gargoyle snatch”
    Hahahahahaha LMFAO at this MK!
    She did flash in the vaginal area then!
    Close-up, close-up!!

    Lotta jumping and acrobatics going on too! Lucky if she didn’t put out her back! HOT boots btw!

    “What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?” MK

  16. boston61 says:

    Madonna was great! Take that Gaga! I wish she did Borderline her best song IMHO. She looked gorgeous but we know that is an illusion.

  17. swirlrn says:

    Some kind of strange triangle shaped dick-toid crashed into Madonnas left thigh during the half time show as a dark storm tornado cloud loomed on the right.

  18. parissucksliterally says:

    that happened fast in real time, so I don’t think this is fair.

    But whatever.

    Don’t u call this a regular jam
    I’m gonna rock this land
    I’m gonna take this itty bitty world by storm
    And I’m just gettin warm
    -LL Cool J

  19. PrettyHateMachine says:

    What the fucking hell? It looks like she has pubic hair spread all over the inside of her thighs?

    And this whole picture looks like the Wizard Of Oz, when the house fell on the witch.

    Whatever, I am over her and her crypt keeper hands.

  20. FabulousDivaBuns says:

    It’s also an awful small crotch maybe that’s why she looks for young boys.
    Anyway I just can’t with the whole mess it speaks volumes for how bad everything is when people think that was good. It also shows how inconsequential Nikki Minaj and MIA are they were just like back up singers it was lame. I don’t like any of those hoes but I was hoping someone would bite it and although they didn’t they also didn’t bring it and Madonna was awful wobbley. No one told her to put her 53 year old behind in a leotard and try to do the running man infront of 150 million viewers that was her doing. So cutting edge that Madonna. Please she’s never had a genuine or talented bone in her body it’s all copying smoke and mirrors that shot of her face proves it.

    I have one thing to say…You Bettah Work.

  21. TimC says:

    Submitted by Migraineuse on Sun, 02/05/2012 – 10:41pm.
    I’m glad to know I’m not the only person who gets that inner-thigh discoloration.

    Not sure I’d show it off in front of millions of viewers though.
    I assumed it was because that skin has had a dense italian pubic bush violently ripped out of it.

  22. Mento says:

    What is she, hairy down to her knees? Gross. Get a razor or some skin bleaching, grandma.

  23. howcomebubblegum says:

    Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sun, 02/05/2012 – 10:56pm.
    that happened fast in real time, so I don’t think this is fair.

    But whatever.

    I agree. Team Madge!

  24. Spaz de la Whoreta says:

    I’m not a fan of hers, so I don’t really want to defend her, but yeah, what parissucksliterally said – this happened in a split second real time. And from what I’ve seen of Britney’s performances lately, granny here moves a whole hell of a lot better in comparison. I’m several years younger than Madonna, but I would never attempt a cartwheel in heels, with or without assistance.

    The discoloration is disturbing. Maybe she’s bruised up from all the rehearsals for this, or maybe she has one of those pyramid things that used to be advertised on the side here.

  25. boston61 says:

    Her 80’s stuff was so simple and catchy. Everything she does now is over produced and empty. Her new video has awesome special effects but the song is made of plastic.

  26. Feral says:

    Sad to say, that’s brutal to look at…but M and her handlers should have known better so its hard to feel much pity.

    “The Gods send nuts to those who have no teeth”

    Find a rock!

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