While American Idol’s season 2 winner Ruben Studdard sang the National Anthem at the Puppy Bowl (he wishes), American Idol’s first winner Kelly Clarkson let the musical notes fly out of her mouth as she sang the National Anthem at the 47th annual Spandex Bulges in Motion Ceremony today. Besides Kelly Clarkson’s Rachel Berry hair, I don’t have a bad thing to say about this and I should pinch my tongue until I taste blood, because I always have something bad to say. Ron Paul’s main homegirl didn’t screw up the words (side-eye pointed toward Xtina) and my ear holes didn’t try to shut, so I’ll say the bitch did okay.
The best part besides the players looking like they were about to shit through their pee holes due to the excitement from being around all those Spandex bulges was the terrified look on those kids in the choir. I love a good “If I fuck this up, I’m going to get shanked in the face by an adult” look on a kid. That’s America!