Blake Lively Out, Rooney Mara In

January 30, 2012 / Posted by:

Rooney Mara, seen on the right looking like Alfalfa after eating a whole bunch of pomegranate seeds, has taken the lead role in Steven Soderbergh’s new movie after the bag of mumbles with blonde hair we call Blake Lively was dropped. In Side Effects, Rooney will play a pill-popping mess who goes crazy while waiting for her husband to get out of the clink. Carol O’Neal (government name: Channing Tatum) will play her husband and this shit also stars Catherine Zeta-Jones and Jude Law. It starts shooting sometime in April.

IndieWire reported last week that one of the movie’s main investors pulled all their cash out after Steven Soderbergh cast Blake NotSoLively in the lead role, because they weren’t exactly impressed with the highly-trained thespian skills she lays down in the PBS’ masterpiece drama series Gossip Girl. Since Blake was with the movie’s money, Steven Soderbergh dropped her and picked up an Oscar nominee instead.

If anybody can play a sedated, fucked up mess, it’s not Blake, but she wouldn’t be that bad at it since she naturally carries herself like a permanently confused inbred kitten who treats the concussion it suffers from with NyQuil and generic Valium. But Blake getting dumped isn’t the funniest thing about this. I mean, investors pulled their money out over Blake, but yet they were okay with Channing Tatum? Or should I call him, Sir Channing Tatum, since he’s obviously going to get knighted for his contribution to the art of making water damaged cardboard seem interesting. It has to burn a ho’s ass lips off knowing that she got fired for being a shit actor, but Channing Tatum doesn’t.

Anyway, here’s Blake’s replacement Rooney Mara wearing a garden of angel labias with David Fincher at the Tokyo premiere of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

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