Who’s Sucking The Life Out Of Who?

January 29, 2012 / Posted by:

No, this isn’t a picture of a zombie Ellen DeGeneres siphoning whatever youth is left from her latest victim. This is Nick Carter and his girlfriend Lauren Kitt awkwardly trying to make out with each other’s cheeks at his 32nd birthday party at Vanity in Las Vegas last night. You’re thinking what I’m thinking so let’s just scream it together: THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT FACE??? (That question applies to both of them)

While Aaron Carter doesn’t completely look like he just fell out of a Faces of Meth Magazine, Nick looks like he’s been on the cover of Faces of Meth Magazine: AARP Edition. Should I call a priest who specializes in exorcisms? Should I call a damn doctor who specializes in leprosy of the face? Should I call somebody with hair clippers since I’m sure that 1970s Bieber pimp mop on Nick’s head is sucking all the hot out of his face. Those extra wide pube chops he calls sideburns are making Nick look like a 65-year-old David Spade who time traveled back to the 1970s to work as a low level porn producer in Hungary. I just wanna stick an IV drip in his hair and then gently blow his eyelids down so he can get some sleep. Damn.

Somebody get the number to 911 and call it, because this shit is serious.

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