So Xtina Sang "At Last" At Etta James' Funeral Today...
Let that screen shot be the warning label you need to stuff pieces of egg crate into your ear holes and hit the mute button on your laptop (Note: You can still hear Xtina's "soprano walrus giving birth while getting ass fucked without lube in a moving wind tunnel" yodel even with the mute button on).
Etta James was laid to rest in L.A. today and Xtina was invited by her family to sing "At Last" in front of mourners who should really get their knuckles chewed off for bringing their cell phones out at a damn funeral. I'm surprised their screens didn't shatter into a million pieces when Xtina's throat pushed out a sonic boom. My dog is still clinging to the ceiling and my ear drums are still lying at the opposite side of the room from listening to that last note. I swear it's like her voice is hanging on a bungee cord. Bitch's voice runs in circles, jumps up, hits the floor and does all sorts of cartwheels. It's like an acrobatic dog on the strongest kind of speed. Bitch SANG and it's a shame she didn't sing the orange off of her skin, because she's a few shades away from looking like a deep fried Cheeto and we all know what happens to deep fried Cheetos: they end up in the gulch of a Spears.
And Etta can finally rest in peace now that Xtina and her chichis are finished hollerin' and shit. But I do love open air titties in church.
UPDATE: Thanks to all of you who pointed out the shit trickling down Xtina's leg and in my professional opinion it's either:
a) Bitch is yelling her fake tanner off and the sweat caused it to run
b) Bitch's asshole is crying tears of shit, because she's clenching it so hard
c) Bitch pulled a Fergie
d) Bitch's pussy lips wore red lipstick too and it was starting to slobber off
e) Bitch is trying so hard that her tampon popped out and the bloody red river of embarrassment came streaming down
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Actually I think she is a great singer, she doesn't deserve such harsh criticism. I wonder if Etta thought about what people would sing when she was planning for a funeral. She only deserved the best.
That fucking nasty ass bitch had her bloddy period on ETTA's stage?!? What a piece of garbage she is!
I will NEVER look at her the same again!
What a dirty shank
NasTina strikes (out) again!
I don't think thats sweat or blood. Sweat doesn't just drip from 1 place like that...if it were sweat...her whole body would be dripping sweat and it's not. It could be blood...but there is only one picture where it looks really dark like period blood.
Now, the only thing I've ever had drip down my leg like that is sperm. So...that's my guess. She had sex right before going on stage...it mixed with her spray tan and started its way down her leg. Really, no matter what it is, it's gross.
Funny...she did the exact same thing when it came her turn at the Golden Corral buffet.
Suddenly my lasagne lunch doesn't taste so great
She and Shitney used to be thin and cute when they were younger. Now they are both fat short little trolls that don't wear underwear or tampons.
When Etta sang this song she purposely downplayed it so the lyrics and emotion could shine through. Christina just used it to highlight her pogo stick vocals, which flat out ruined the song. The family must have been horrified.
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www.charitywater.org
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Shit...what the hell???? Nothing seems to go right with this gal..
I think its time she goes back to get baptized while she is back at the church!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
That was awful! Xtina screaming, cell phones anad applause at a funeral. Tacky all around!
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Mon, 01/30/2012 - 6:42am.
Can you try and emote a little more Xtina? Oy.
She looks like she's trying to push out a massive turd.
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I don't think it was emoting. I'm pretty sure it was cramps!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I just fucking CAN'T with that shit running down her leg...
Tits in church aren't as bad as you think... Jesus was a boob man.
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Can you try and emote a little more Xtina? Oy.
She looks like she's trying to push out a massive turd.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart: @sinjin, the story happened in my little bumfuck town in Germany bout 30 years ago.. Poor girl.
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Oh, thanks :-)
@jussaying
Been there and go back there on occasion. Here's hoping you find you find you again soon. I understand that some situations call for the hard, nakid truth, so forget what I wrote. Us moo cows are known for sticking our wet noses where they don't belong.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Dr. Funk:
because I didn't know there was a whole movie!
Donna Summer
http://youtu.be/cdY8bPaJyS4
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We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
@TelevisedRevolution on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 9:48pm.:
PATTI LABELLE...just because:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHgzxHwGdCw
Christina still has a great voice.Not sure what the deal is with her and the warbling.Tone it down babydoll...and wear drawls next time.
Wow. Just wow. And I just watched that entire musical abortion just to see the wipe. Jesus Christ that was so painful to listen to my cat literally popped his head up from a snooze and looked at me like how dare I assault him with this horrendous noise.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Grace Jones:
http://youtu.be/lFJpbX1s5ng
just because.
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We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
ugh! nasty bitch.
Stoney on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 9:32pm.
Stoneh, look for yourself:
http://starcasm.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Christina_Aguilera_legs_E...
Don't blame me for the voms! I'm just the messenger!
Omfg, she was wiping it with her hands??? During the performance?!?! Well fuck I guess I am gonna have to watch this stupid video.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Deb on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 8:36pm.
Right with ya, Deb. And your mention of the Pat Benatar legendary voice of all voices! *slaps self*. That voice out of such a tiny person! And, she did NOT warble. OMG could she hold a note! She was trained as an opera singer and she definitely upped the ante in the 'pop/rock' singing.
Another voice who can send chills down your spine is Ann Wilson from "Heart". Bam! POW!
Funnily, I have a really wide range but I had handicapped my own singing style with the warbling crap. It really becomes like a crutch that you sort of 'default' to. My husband (who is a musician) was like, "Cut that shit out! Hold your note!" It's so true, it's not pleasant to hear someone trying to show off their range or their ability to reach certain notes or go 'lilty'.
Ann Wilson still has a powerhouse voice but because she became obese, she has been rendered a nobody. :(
Satan, I just saw your post and Annie Lennox is a perfect example of what I was just saying! She WOULD have done an amazing original interpretation of "At Last".
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Satan on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 6:11pm.
Yep! Thanks for the video. That's one of my fave Moby songs.
I gravitate to alto women singers, too. Although you can have a great higher range and not over-do it like kd lange, Sheryl Crow, Pat Benatar and Ann Wilson (in the day), and Allison Krause to name a few.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by kissingassandcu... on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 8:14pm.
It's period blood, the end,
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Xactly. She was fortunate in the sense that it was obviously not a bright red, heavy flow gushing down. As others have observed it was probably brownish, watery pre-period or latter-period flow.
It's period blood, the end,
Kissing Ass and Cupping Balls. You're Welcome.
cliffdweller on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 2:42pm.
I still like Cyndi's version better. Less warble.
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I would have loved to hear Cyndi sing that song in her own style. It's annoying when people try to 'copy' the style of singing of another artist with their own voice. Sing in your own damned style! She's NOT nor has she ever, EVER been a "SOUL" Singer.
You know who would have NAILED this song without any effort? Annie Lennox!
I feel this same way about bad Hollwood remakes. If you're going to 'remake it', make it 'new' because if it was worthy of a remake in the first place, you're NEVER going to be able to dupe it, so, you might as well make it new and own it for that 'newness' good or bad.
Stoney on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 6:29pm.
Pretty revolting that she would sing at a funeral going commando on the rag. Nasty!!
The fact that she started to swipe at the trickles as they made their way around her ankles was even nastier. I hope she didn't shake anyone's hands right after that (or handle the mic).
I'm not gonna lie, other people's germs freak me out a wee bit.
*puts on sanitary blue nitrile exam gloves*
A bit TACK-EEE with all the phone cams out. Also should not have clapped at the end while whistling. It was a service, not a performance. Even though she still had to scream a "i can beat you mariah" belt here and there.
Submitted by justincase on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 7:08pm.
No worries. I just thought that she did a better job. ;)
Why did Etta's family invite this troll or did Etta have a soft spot for her????
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Submitted by cliffdweller on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 2:42pm.
I still like Cyndi's version better. Less warble.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhRTUbv5J_Q&ob=av2n
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Thanks cliffdweller. I remember Cyndi saying once,
"you may not like me but you gotta like my voice". I wish she would just go down the Blues alley for good because she is a soulful singer. They should have asked her to perform instead of the bottle blond clown with red lips and fake tits.
Submitted by Hotmami on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 3:54pm.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 2:45pm.
For whomever said, it can't be menstrual blood because it's not that watery and wouldn't run down your leg, YOU.ARE.WRONG.and Lucky.
That was me....women's periods vary, so I'm sure women have watery periods. Gross. Mine is just not like that.
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Like I said, you're lucky, but some women's unfortunately do, mine being one of them. Which is why I make sure to move fast and change up frequently, and would never think about going commando,even without being on my period, that's just gross. Especially at a funeral.
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
I could rag on Christina`s unfortunate attire all day long, but i give her that, she is one of the few out there today, who can give me goosebumps.
Listen to this and tell me she is not OWNING her part in this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbK-FATmbDQ
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Pretty revolting that she would sing at a funeral going commando on the rag. Nasty!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Deb:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGxA6-dGOmc
Totally controlled vocals and incredible soul without the 'over-doing' it part.
Agreed about your summation regarding Christina. She's a lazy vocalist and listening to lazy vocalists is annoying and 'grating' on the ears. I don't need to hear a person hit ridiculous notes and warble, warble, warble constantly. Sing a note, sing it on tune, sing it with passion while allowing the other instruments for the music to even 'count'.
Some of my favorite singers are Altos (Karen Carpenter, Carole King, Stevie Nicks, Linda Ronstadt, etc.) because it seems to me that most Alto singers stick out a note and hold it rather than doing the fancy schmancy annoying-to-the-ear tourettes singing. It's great to have a huge 'range' but abusing it and abusing people's ears with it is a whole different thing.
@Mickey Holland
I just went thru depression and gained 15 lb in a month so I need to be hard on myself right now....
I can't blame the pregnant look on the fibroids anymore :-(
sometimes you just gotta call a spade a spade.
i think her tampon leaked. there's no way that shit on her legs is tan mixed with sweat. what sweat?! she was just singing ffs not doing squats.
embarassing as hell.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Submitted by harperharper on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 5:01pm.
Heh, I think this is the sorta sexism people talk about with regards to period blood. Calling it a 'curse'.
Thats how I feel about the term 'camel toe".
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Well why is camel-toe sexist? Men with that problem get the term moose knuckle. Seems pretty much an even exchange without sexism involved.
Frito-Lay Study: Olestra Causes "Anal Oil Leakage"
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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.
Eww, that's menstrual blood running down that stumpy leg of her's. Reminds me of a symphony I attended a few years ago. The cellist came out in this beautiful gown and played a beautiful piece, when she got up and turned around there was a gigantic period stain the back of that dress. I felt bad for her and laughed at her at the same time. When you're a woman it happens.
There is no doubt that Xtina has the ABILITY to be a great singer, but instead she's a GRATE singer.
Her timing is awful, the circus-like turning every other note into an agonizing "showing off" her vocal gymnastics takes away from the songs.
And it's supposed to be a SONG, not a SEIZURE. I had to cut if off after 48 seconds.
Even though their styles differ, Xtina reminds me of Patti LaBelle, also a woman with a first rate instrument. In Patti's case she's a GRATE singer because there's too much damn screeching. If every note is the high note, nothing's special anymore.
ONE time did I enjoy Xtina's performance, and that was at least 5-6 years ago. It was an awards show and she nailed James Brown's "It's a Man's World". After that, it all sounds the same to me.
Don't even get me started on her look. Bitch is the apotheosis of tacky.
Lastly, RIP, Etta. Thanks for singing right and righteously.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Maybe Xtina should have used a spritz of Lysol instead of hanging a Wild Cherry Little Tree Air freshener from her hoo ha.
Too bad she still smelled like low tide.
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Vanity is the price of fame.
Heh, I think this is the sorta sexism people talk about with regards to period blood. Calling it a 'curse'.
Thats how I feel about the term 'camel toe". Sexism, misogyny.
“People say I'm indecisive, but I don't know about that.”
G.W.B.
First of all Christina is an impersonator secondly that throaty cum bubble that is always audible is just terrible. Third of all who the hell wears an extreme push up bra to a funneral with an open jacket. Lastly to qualify as BBW you have to be a big girl. Xtina is just over weight, not big. The girl is no taller than 5 foot. She's an oompa loomp with fake titty balls not a BBW. Look at her hands and feet She's supposed to be tiny. So in essence she's a pig.She has stayed well over her 15 minutes and it's time she was done. On another note it's a big F U to Beyonce so that's the bonus here.
I have one thing to say...You Bettah Work.
@sinjin, the story happened in my little bumfuck town in Germany bout 30 years ago.. Poor girl.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
someone with skilz needs to make an avie of her last warble and put it on perma-repeat.
Boston Bruins-- Stanley Cup Champs 2011
I love how many Dlisters' pets put the kibosh on this one. My dogs are still hiding so I can't ask them what they thought.
Boston Bruins-- Stanley Cup Champs 2011
Hotmami on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 3:54pm.
Some women have really thick, chunky periods too. I think I've had every period version possible so far. Chunky, thin, watery. Good gravy! <--sorry for that
BaconSlut on Sun, 01/29/2012 - 3:43pm.
I'm still itching, but REALLY trying hard to think about wasabi nuts!!!
Not to mention, there are usually spiders and other creepy crawly insects that hide out and make 'homes' in straw bundles. Can you imagine, you're already vulnerable and bleeding heavily and some psycho spider comes jumpin' out at you, "Bitch, you bleedin' on mah babies!". That would make the whole "Little Miss Muffet" shit look tame by comparison.
Curds and... Not going there.
Erases mental eraser board.
Wasabi nuts! Wasabi nuts take me awaaaaaaaay!