Tim Gunn Hasn't Been Laid Since Reagan Was In Office
If you're 29 years old or younger, then I'm not sure how you'll feel knowing that through your entire life Tim Gunn never made it work all over a pair of greasy man nalgas. Not once. Tim Gunn closed up his downtown fuck shop (both locations) 29 years ago, swallowed the key and isn't planning a grand reopening anytime soon. Tim said on his show The Revolution (via UsWeekly) yesterday that he went celibate after a boyfriend screwed him up emotionally by putting him down while impatiently waiting for his dick to rise (at least I think that's what Tim is trying to say).
"I haven't had sex in 29 years. Do I feel like less of a person for it? No. Not even remotely.
It's very personal. I was in a very intense relationship for a long time. And my partner ended it, saying that, quite frankly, he was impatient with my sexual performance.
I'm a perfectly fulfilled person, but it's very physiological. I have feelings. It's not as though I'm some barren forest. I don't want to imply to anyone that I have a mandate that says no sex. I don't. I don't know what's around the corner."
I know this might be hard for some of you 24-hour slut whore tramp skanks to understand, but sex it not the be-all and end-all for some people. And yes, I know what your slut mind just imagined when you read "end-all." I did too. But for some, happiness is not a hard dick or a warm cooch. Mind boggling, I know. And yes, I know what your slut mind just imagined when you read "mind boggling." I did too. We really have to stop watching clips on Brazzers at the same time.
Tim seems happy, even though he hasn't had any of his parts around a peen for THREE DECADES, and that's the only thing that matters. But I bet Tim finds ways to get his. I bet that every now and again he slips on a harness made of Brooks Brothers suspenders and makes a trick (wearing a mask of his ex-partner's face) lick the bottom of his oxford loafer like his bitch.