Ever since Ashton Kutcher broke the vows of an open marriage by getting caught dicking side piece after side piece, there have been rumors that Demi Moore was back to numbing the pain with the sweet nectar and she’s been looking like she’s barely surviving on kosher coke, hair strands and Kabbalahtinis. Well, it looks like she has been and that shit has caught up with her ass, because TMZ says that Demi was (cue the dramatic music) was RUSHED to the hospital last night after she had some kind of substance abuse issue. “Substance abuse issue” is just publicist talk for: Bitch went too far with the coke.
Some police insider tells TMZ that paramedics showed up to Demi’s house in L.A. last night after somebody called 911. They looked her over for about 30 minutes and decided it was best to take her to the hospital. Demi was kept in the hospital overnight and she’s seen been moved to a “facility” to get more help. Demi’s publicist jacked all of us off when they said this:
“Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends.”
Exhaustion? Are we still using that one? I was unaware that we all time traveled back to 2004. Listen, we’re all grown ass adults here, so a bitch can tell us that Demi is exhausted from doing Klonopin curls into her mouth and that she needs to improve her health by drying out. While Demi is drying out, I hope she sits on her bed and has a moment of clarity where she realizes that she’s actually Heather Locklearing it over Kelso from That 70s Show. Kelso! All this for Kelso. If you’re going to have a meltdown, at least have a meltdown over a non-douchebag.