Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

January 24, 2012 / Posted by:

It is really hard to believe this former A- list boy bander and now a C who kind of was his own one boy band has always been in the closet. Despite every single public romance he has had with a woman he has always wanted to come out. He has been caught so many times and given the perfect opportunity to come out, but he keeps waiting and waiting.

He dated this at the time, huge tween actress for a very long time but most of the time she was having sex with our boy bander’s brother. The brother is where she was rumored to have picked up the gift that keeps on giving. The good news for the brother was that since the boy bander was “dating” her, the brother never got in trouble for having sex with a minor for almost a year.

One time our boy bander was on tour with a different girlfriend. This girlfriend was a singer and is now an actress or she may still be both. Anyway, this actress/singer had no clue that our boy bander liked guys and was a virgin at the time. She got the gift that keeps on giving from a different band guy. Anyway, the virgin walked in on our boy bander on his knees servicing one of his male backup dancers. About an hour later the virgin was gone.

One of the boy banders best “girlfriends” was with this celebutante who made her name in some sex tape action and a reality show. Anyway, she was totally into the fact that our boy bander liked guys and was into having threesomes. She moved on though because a celebrity couple offered her more money to come stay with them for awhile.

I don’t think there is any truth to the rumor that our boy bander had sex with the celebrity father of one of his other “girlfriends.” She is also a celebrity, although I wish she was not. (CDAN)

Jonathan Knight has already waved his I Love Peen flag high up in the air, so I can cross him off the list (although, I’m still waiting for Jordan Knight to wave his). JC Chasez has a brother, but he doesn’t fit into the rest of this shit. The Maddens didn’t really fit all the way either, so I’ll go with The Carters!

Gaybander: Nick Carter?
Huge Tween Actress: I don’t know!
Brother: Aaron Carter?
Virgin actress/singer: Willa Ford?
Celebutard turned fuck tape star: Parasite Hilton?
Girlfriend whose father the gaybander didn’t sex on: Tila Tequila (HA)?

or

Gaybander: Aaron Carter (even though he never touched the A-list and was never in a boy band)
Huge Tween Actress: Lindsay Lohan?
Brother: Nick Carter?
Virgin actress/singer: Hilary Duff?
Celebutard turned fuck tape star: Kari Ann Peniche?
Girlfriend whose father the gaybander didn’t sex on: Brooke Hogan?

And since we’re on the subject of one of the Carters being gay…. I wish I was making this next part up, but I’m not. Some dude I dated for like three weeks kept a framed picture of Nick Carter on a table next to his sofa. I figured that shit just came with the frame, but I was wrong. This motherfucker told me that Nick Carter is his favorite dude to jack off to, so it’s easier for him to just leave a picture of Nick Carter out all the time instead of pulling up pictures of Nick Carter on his laptop every time he’s jack it. Practical? Yes. Something I needed to know? No.

How could I get it on with him on the sofa if I knew he was just picturing me as a portrait of Nick Carter in a Pottery Barn frame? Okay, I could and did, but still.

Sundance Blind Item – This what now counts for an A list Tween television actress was flirting heavily with this director who is the boyfriend of this usually annoying B list movie actress. Anyway, the director was going to keep it at flirting until the tweener told him she was over 18(barely). Hello hotel room. I’m sure the excuse he gave to his girlfriend for missing her big event was priceless. Our B list actress was out of her mind ticked off. (CDAN)

Demi Lovato (or that chick on iCarly), Kate Bosworth and Michael Polish?

This young celebrity is gay. His parents didn’t feel that his sexual orientation would enable him to be successful, so they pushed him into marriage early to maintain that wholesome family image and to quash gay rumors. They picked out a star struck young lady for him, and quickly announced their engagement. Imagine the young girl’s surprise when she found out that her sexy new husband didn’t want to have sexy time with her. They do smile and kiss while posing for PR photos, but then he goes cruising for guys on the internet. He also likes to hit up the gay bars when he’s in LA. You might think that he has the best of both worlds, but he is actually miserable in the fake marriage. For right now, though, he just isn’t strong enough to get out… or come out. (Blind Gossip)

Kevin Jonas, but I’m going to blind myself to this blind item, because Joe Jonas is supposed to be the gay one.

Which squeaky-clean pop star is desperately trying to keep his pot-smoking habit and hookups with a Las Vegas hooker under wraps? The young crooner’s famous girlfriend wouldn’t care so much about his wacky weed habit, but she probably wouldn’t appreciate the cheating! (National Enquirer via Gawker)

Justin Bieber? But he’s obviously not toking up enough. He needs to smoke from his SpongeBong until the good shit does us all right by numbing his tongue and the rest of his yodeling parts.

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