Hot Slut Of The Day!
Lisa Woodman, a 28-year-old single mother of four from Worcester, West Midlands in England who has been banned from every club in her town for dressing like a sophisticated and refined young lady. Worcester: The Town That Hates Elegance!
There are many injustices in the world (examples: In-N-Out refusing to sell animal style-scented lube, the Kardashians making millions of dollars instead of sucking dirty ass for coins and leftovers in a Bangkok brothel, etc..), but one of the greatest injustices is that this 28-year-old (I had to type her natural age in twice in case you thought I was suffering from a concussion the first time I typed it) flower can’t dance in a prestigious nightclub while looking like a morning shift hooker who hangs out in front of trucker bars in hopes of getting some business from drunk dudes with their beer goggles still firmly on.
Lisa tells the newspaper of the people, The Daily Mail, that all three clubs in Worcester (Mode, Tramps and Velvet) banned her after telling her that she’s too old to wear the official ho shit uniform and they won’t let her in until she covers up. I’m not sure I want to live in a world where a top shelf tramp like this can’t get into a club named after her people. As I organize a Million Old Slut March in front of Tramps, read the plight of an English rose and be moved:
“None of the pubs give me any hassle about my outfits so why do the nightclubs have such a problem? There were teenagers and girls in their 20s wearing much more revealing outfits but they went straight in. When I asked the bouncers why me and my sister weren’t allowed in, they just said ‘You’re too old to wear that get-up’. I couldn’t believe it. I’m only 28 and still consider myself young.
I always like to look sexy when I go out on the town. I split up from my partner last year and I was really upset so I had a boob job in April and got into shape going to the gym and now I just want to flaunt what I’ve got. I normally wear short skirts and one-piece outfits which might be revealing but never show off too much. I like my high-heel boots and mini-skirts. I’ve got loads of them – they usually cost between £20 and £50 but when I let my hair down, I like to look my best.
One doorman even made me walk up and down and turn around in front of people laughing at what I was wearing. I was totally in shock and really humiliated. I look after myself and I’m only 28. I just want to be treated with a bit of respect.”
The problem doesn’t lie in Lisa’s Christian Louboutugjob boots or her Chanel: Slut Label dress, it lies in the club owners of Worcester. They know that if they let Lisa into their clubs, every girl would immediately club her boyfriend over the head with a cocktail glass, throw him over her shoulder and head for the exit door, because she knows she could never compete with this kind of modest beauty. It’s sad to know that prejudice against sophisticated ladies still exists today. There’s only thing for Lisa to do. She’s much too much of a brilliant, untarnished diamond for Worcester to handle. She needs to move to the old ho shit mecca: HOLLYWOOD!
Hollywood doesn’t only embrace graceful swans dressed like Grand Theft Auto hookers, they give them reality shows and paparazzi deals. Lisa, let the Statue of Skank Liberty, Courtney Stodden, welcome you to the promise land.