Halloween Is Canceled FOREVER

January 21, 2012 / Posted by:

The answer to the question “Does true love last forever?” has just been answered with the sad image of Heidi Klum’s vagina saying “One day you’re in, ze next day you’re aught!” to Seal’s peen (which I’m pretty sure looks like this). Today is the day that Halloween and the meaning of love have joined hands and jumped to their deaths, because TMZ reports that Heidi Klum has kissed her marriage to Seal on both cheeks before saying “auf wiedersehen” to it after 6 years

This is not supposed to happen and TMZ doesn’t have a lot of answers. They’re hearing that Heidi will drop divorce papers into the hands of the L.A. County Superior Court by as early as next week, but they don’t say specifically why she’s clubbing her marriage. Heidi and Seal seemed like they were both queefing out hearts for each other when they were together in Aspen over the holidays, so some for real shit must’ve went down between then and now.

How can a couple who spread the cheese thick every year by renewing their vows in a lavish ceremony not make it? How can a couple who kept the costume industry alive by wearing lavish coordinating costumes every Halloween not last forever? How can a couple who has inspired me to use the word “LAVISH” twice in one paragraph not stay together till the end of time? WE NEED ANSWERS! Heidi and Seal owe it to us to gently sit us down at the table in the eat-in kitchen, give us each a juice box and tell us with puppets why daddy is moving out.

Oh vel, the only good thing to come out of this is that Heidi and Seal will renew their divorce vows in a LAVISH ceremony every year while wearing LAVISH costumes. Keep the lavishness alive, HeiSea!

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