VaJohnny Is Pretty Much Over
Radar started digging a grave in the Hollywood Relationship Cemetery for Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp's relationship a couple of weeks ago when they reported that V and J are no longer rubbing their greasy, dirty, cheese-covered parts on each other. (What's really sad is that when Vanessa and Johnny rub on each other, their bodies churn out a gourmet ball of French American cheese jelly that is best enjoyed on a slice of stale bread with a glass of red table wine.) Well, People Magazine just jumped into their tractor and dug a bigger hole in VaJohnny's grave, because they say on their cover this week that the love between Vanessa and Johnny is flatlining.
People's sources say that Vanessa, Johnny and and their two chirruns used to live a simple family life in a small town in the South of France. You know, they'd skip around in berets all day and then spend their evenings baking baguettes on the wood burning fireplace in their 18th century chateau while reciting the works of famous French poet Pepe Le Pew. Charming shit like that. But not anymore. The family spends most of their time in L.A. now and Johnny and Vanessa are hardly ever together. People doesn't really spit any details on their website (you have to flip through it at Barnes & Noble if you want to know more), but their source says that after 14 years, it's all but done.
People Magazine is usually the voice of the publicist, so when they go rogue, it has to be true. This doesn't really leave me with the sads inside. The bar on Hollywood relationships is so low that Lucifer is using it as a butt dildo, so 14 years is FOREVER in Hollywood years. It does kind of suck, though, that the image of Johnny sticking his tip into Vanessa's ultra wide teeth gap is no longer relevant. Vanessa's nights are so not going to be the same without hearing Johnny give her that dirty talk like, "Tell me you want me to finger that gap, pute!"
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People doesn't really spit any details on their website (you have to flip through it at Barnes & Noble if you want to know more)
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HA! Does anyone even buy magazines anymore? If I want to read one I read it at a bookstore or steal one from my doctor's office.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:26am.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:19am.
Every single female in Hollyweird (and some not)
+++++++++++++++++++++
cue M.E. moving to L.A.
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bags are packed, looking for a cute apartment.
Sad.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:18am.
Mike according to OK magazine AJ is pregnant with her seventh child. Maybe it's Johnny's.
Woohoo!
Wrong. Johnny is obviously spending his days in London with Madonna honing that masterful fake British accent.
Every hip Hollywood chic is indeed gonna be burning all sorts of offerings and voodoo dancing around to try and get at Johnny.
Moved to LA...sigh. LA celebrity culture is like a vortex, sucks the souls out of people. Hipster haven, hangers on, celebrity stank don't smell in LA, good times roll as long as the money flows...just don't lose your cash, or get old...
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The calliope crashed to the ground...
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:19am.
Every single female in Hollyweird (and some not)
+++++++++++++++++++++
cue M.E. moving to L.A.
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by mike on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:08am.
That ludicrous quasi-Scottish accent he's been speaking with lately was probably the last straw
HES A grad of madonna berlitz skool of fake euro trash accents
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I shall add, we may soon get to see a string of Johnny+1ho all over the tabloids, but Vanessa has bagged many a hottie back in the day (Lenny Kravitz, for instance) and in my country, where Snooki pink lips with neon Barbie teeth are not considered the height of elegance, men think she is really gorgeous. So I have no doubt she won't remain single for long.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:19am.
Every single female in Hollyweird (and some not) will be sticking their implants out, licking their collagen-loaded lips, and denying themselves hygiene to land this guy.
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I'm telling you, it's gonna be fun to watch.
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
I mostly liked that you barely saw them together, have no idea what their children look like and he could care less that hes been sporting the same dirty boots to every event for the last ten years.
I think he's having a midlife crisis (also known as Angelina Jolie) Karma's coming your way Brad Pitt
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Opinions are like a**holes, everybody has one
Submitted by Happy Hour on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:15am.
NOOO I liked that they were living the simple life with all their millions.
*****
WTF? Simple life? He owns a villa in France and a fucking island somewhere. I hate him and don't care. He's a phony with a phonier accent. Now I will pray to the gods that Brangelina break up next. St. Angie Ho is pregnant again? They must constantly have an infant around in order to be happy.
This gives me the sads. These two were so genuine (aside from his dumbass faux accent) and I always loved how they preferred to live far from the madding crowd and raise their kids away from Hollywood.
Man. BloHan will be all over this one. He's rich, he's weird, he's a chainsmoker, and he'll be single. Aaaaand BONUS! He might be able to help her with her "career". As if.
Every single female in Hollyweird (and some not) will be sticking their implants out, licking their collagen-loaded lips, and denying themselves hygiene to land this guy.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Nooo! It gives the sads because I'm French and this beautiful international love story used to make my heart all warm.
But maybe what caused it was Johnny heard her latest music - not really offensive, but kinda shitty in a Starbucks kinda way.
Nigella and Jamie ain't got shit on Titli !
http://titlisbusykitchen.com/
Love is a myth....
or a miss, according to Vanessa...
Mike according to OK magazine AJ is pregnant with her seventh child. Maybe it's Johnny's.
It's the Asston Lesbieber Timberlake curse of the fedora. Turns you into a douche. Or only douches wear them. Don't ever buy one MK.
Holy shit can you imagine the chicks he's gonna "date"... If I was him I would get the Jack Sparrow costume out of the closet and hit the bars!!!
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
NOOO I liked that they were living the simple life with all their millions. Now they kids will have to get used to a parade of whores a.K.a. Daddy's girlfriends.
Submitted by mike on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:08am.
That ludicrous quasi-Scottish accent he's been speaking with lately was probably the last straw.
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Amen. From what I hear, he's a decent person. But that faux accent and his overall look just irritate the fuck out of me.
Now Angelina can leave Brad for him!
Now that would be a couple I could really hate.
suprised he stuck it out w/ this gap tooth hag that long
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
sad, see what Hollywood does to you
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
That ludicrous quasi-Scottish accent he's been speaking with lately was probably the last straw.
At least they lasted almost a decade and a half. Not 2 weeks or 72 days.
*side eyes Sinead and Kim K*
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K