VaJohnny Is Pretty Much Over
Radar started digging a grave in the Hollywood Relationship Cemetery for Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp's relationship a couple of weeks ago when they reported that V and J are no longer rubbing their greasy, dirty, cheese-covered parts on each other. (What's really sad is that when Vanessa and Johnny rub on each other, their bodies churn out a gourmet ball of French American cheese jelly that is best enjoyed on a slice of stale bread with a glass of red table wine.) Well, People Magazine just jumped into their tractor and dug a bigger hole in VaJohnny's grave, because they say on their cover this week that the love between Vanessa and Johnny is flatlining.
People's sources say that Vanessa, Johnny and and their two chirruns used to live a simple family life in a small town in the South of France. You know, they'd skip around in berets all day and then spend their evenings baking baguettes on the wood burning fireplace in their 18th century chateau while reciting the works of famous French poet Pepe Le Pew. Charming shit like that. But not anymore. The family spends most of their time in L.A. now and Johnny and Vanessa are hardly ever together. People doesn't really spit any details on their website (you have to flip through it at Barnes & Noble if you want to know more), but their source says that after 14 years, it's all but done.
People Magazine is usually the voice of the publicist, so when they go rogue, it has to be true. This doesn't really leave me with the sads inside. The bar on Hollywood relationships is so low that Lucifer is using it as a butt dildo, so 14 years is FOREVER in Hollywood years. It does kind of suck, though, that the image of Johnny sticking his tip into Vanessa's ultra wide teeth gap is no longer relevant. Vanessa's nights are so not going to be the same without hearing Johnny give her that dirty talk like, "Tell me you want me to finger that gap, pute!"
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:19pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:14pm.
Jack, would you hit Moss? I don't see what men see in her. She's so sleazy.
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All. Day. Long. She's a petite blond... I have a type. :P
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Welllllllll FUCK IT! My dreams are dashed!
*throws out Jack's picture, address and my plane ticket to Arkansas*
-Submitted by buckeyemama on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:21am."
I thought about midlife crisis too. I'm not into Johnny Depp but based on the way he expresses himself in his latest interviews, seems like he's bitter and unsatisfied or something. You can be a millionaire and have a seemingly "easy" job, and still feel the need or wanting something more out of life... or even question the point of your progress until that moment in your life. It must be really rough for him if he's the one quitting his 14 year-old family life, indeed.
Pretty much the same shit Pitt is going trough, but difference is, he found a faux vanity band-aid with Jolie with his stupid red carpet costumes, the plastic surgery, botox and smug poses. I don't think that's what Vanessa has to offer to Depp.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
*sprays Jack with bleach*
DIRTY HOR!
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:17pm.
*waits to see how fast M.E. can get to L.A.*
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Bitch, I can make that 8hr drive in 5 if I wanted to!
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:14pm.
Jack, would you hit Moss? I don't see what men see in her. She's so sleazy.
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All. Day. Long. She's a petite blond... I have a type. :P
I put her right up there in the Sienna Miller category... again, another petite blond.
They both seem like they would be nasty as hell in bed, which is a good thing.
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
*waits to see how fast M.E. can get to L.A.*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:09pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:01pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:58am.
*screeeeeeeeeech*
Back up a second. The Depp used to date Kate Moss?!?!?!?!?!?
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*slaps Dog*
OMG HOR! Tell me you are joking!!!!!!! It was during his prime when he owned the Viper Room!
^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, like I'm supposed to be all up on the gossip regarding Goatee Boy! That's YOUR job, missy! The stench the two of them must have made between them! Yikes!
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*puts sheet over Depp shrine*
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:11pm.
Oh Dog, were have YOU been!
^^^^^^^^^^^
Mars. Not a recommended vacation spot unless you like very thin air and sleeping on rocks.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:56am.
LOLOLLOL!!
I really do hate this. Mostly because MK is about to bury the moniker "VaJohnny" forever. Siiiigh. *hides in GG's closet*
Jack, would you hit Moss? I don't see what men see in her. She's so sleazy.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Oh Dog, were have YOU been!
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:01pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:58am.
*screeeeeeeeeech*
Back up a second. The Depp used to date Kate Moss?!?!?!?!?!?
*********************************************
*slaps Dog*
OMG HOR! Tell me you are joking!!!!!!! It was during his prime when he owned the Viper Room!
^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, like I'm supposed to be all up on the gossip regarding Goatee Boy! That's YOUR job, missy! The stench the two of them must have made between them! Yikes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Dog - yup... back in the day...
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AcBUSVxs82w/TKAPHzO3h7I/AAAAAAAAh4I/vHBHRqBaGS...
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:58am.
*screeeeeeeeeech*
Back up a second. The Depp used to date Kate Moss?!?!?!?!?!?
*********************************************
*slaps Dog*
OMG HOR! Tell me you are joking!!!!!!! It was during his prime when he owned the Viper Room!
*screeeeeeeeeech*
Back up a second. The Depp used to date Kate Moss?!?!?!?!?!?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Really? How sad! *kicks out husband and teen sons*
Can't believe she slept with his dirty, greasy, nicotine, face for this long. He is repulsive.
Gossip in Europe is that these two are done because Johnny hooked up with Eva Green!
Depp will just move in with Brangelina and do role play sex.
If it's cause they moved to LA then maybe its not true. They could just be stuck in traffic in different cars.
Hope he has a iron clad pre-nup or the bitch will see some serious asset depletion
*barfs* MK it's too early in the forever for these realism whore paintings of truth about the greasiness *barfs again*
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:29am.
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:18am.
That's sad. I thought they were really cute together.
If Johnny hooks up with Blake Lively now, he'll officially be dead to me.
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Are you trying to give us nightmares or something?
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Lol. Sorry. Johnny usually goes for tiny, elf-like women. Giant, horsey Blake might have to take a pass on this one.
I bet somewhere Winona Ryder is cutting tags out of designer clothing with her best scissors to celebrate this news.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:18am.
That's sad. I thought they were really cute together.
If Johnny hooks up with Blake Lively now, he'll officially be dead to me.
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Are you trying to give us nightmares or something?
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
Submitted by jazzfish_77
From the doctor's office?? What's the latest on Tom and Nicole? I hope they don't break up.
If those two crazy kids can't make it no one can! I'm a little worried about Brad and Jen myself.
Oh, let's be honest--Vanessa is a poor man's Kate Moss. If I looked that much like my S.O.'s ex-piece and we never got married even though we had a bunch of kids, I would be pretty insecure, and she always looks to me like a quivering strand of insecurity.
He said in an interview that he was marrying her last year or the year before, "because it was important to her", but that never came to fruition. Not a good sign.
The fact that his precious Kate finally took the plunge this year--she doesn't love that guy, come on!--may have woken him up to the fact that life is passing him by in the Attractive Girlfriend department. Even Pete Doherty is doing better, and he's much filthier than Johnny.
(One does get the feeling AJ is involved in all this somehow…)
So what are you saying is that LA is a toxic place for marriages?..Actually that sounds about right.
I don't know weather to mourn or celebrate that he's single again..I kid, I kid.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
That's sad. I thought they were really cute together.
If Johnny hooks up with Blake Lively now, he'll officially be dead to me.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:45am.
Submitted by elmo533 on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:34am.
HA! Does anyone even buy magazines anymore? If I want to read one I read it at a bookstore or steal one from my doctor's office.
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From the doctor's office?? What's the latest on Tom and Nicole? I hope they don't break up.
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My doctor keeps VERY up to date magazines. I just help by weeding out the ones I'm sure no one else wants. Nobody else wanted to read the latest InStyle, right?
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
This makes me really sad. If you Google old interviews if him, or any interview where he is asked about her, the way he spoke of her was SO touching. They really had something special. I hope that the kids will be ok.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
this gives me a serious case of the WHO FUCKING CARES. they've both seen better days and aren't exactly aging like fine wines, but it will be amusing to see who they hook up with next.
btw, if AJ is preggers again, she must've been wearing hi-test, industrial-strength Spanx at the GG the other night, 'cos there wasn't a hint of bloat in that gown (which really was fabulous).
Good. Now I can try and fuck him without feeling guilty!
Don't believe the AJ pregnancy rumours until you see it in People Magazine - but if she is expect an announcement just prior to Oscar voting.
The curse of Skankelina!
awww...this makes me sad...i thought johnny and vanessa were chainsmoking soulmates...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
damn, i proved to be a naive asshole again as i believed these two would last forever.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Weirdly enough, I was thinking about them and their marital woes just a little while ago.
Initially I was looking up "tambien" in google languages. Then after finally realizing what "y tu mama tambien" meant I thought of Diego Luna, and wondered why on earth he's in "Dirty Dancing Havana Nights." That made me think of Amber Heard and that Hunter Thompson movie, and some blind item that someone suggested might have been about her and Johnny Depp.
I also can't stand the accent and the mumbling. Ugh. And Johnny stopped being hot almost a decade ago, when his sudden appeal to the soccer moms soared.
and lol @ jazzfish_77 -- "From the doctor's office?? What's the latest on Tom and Nicole? I hope they don't break up."
I don't know, I kind of feel bad for her and the kids if he's the one over it. She seem weird and quirky, but I don't recall her showing their kids off or causing scandal to get Hollywood's attention even though she acts. I don't know shit, but she strikes me as a decent mom.
*waits for groans *
Oh look, it's Mr. and Mrs. Faggot.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
She has a little bit of a Tila Tequila chin going on in that picture.
Jon-Jon has had a series of expensive flops and is probably thinking about cash for the first time in years. A fourth go at the gay pirate thing is the way out but, what the hell, producers aren't that interested right now. Could there be a new box on Sunset Blvd?
Submitted by ditquoi on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:45am.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:43am.
AJ is pregnant again?
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Allegedly, yah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:43am.
AJ is pregnant again?
Submitted by elmo533 on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:34am.
HA! Does anyone even buy magazines anymore? If I want to read one I read it at a bookstore or steal one from my doctor's office.
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From the doctor's office?? What's the latest on Tom and Nicole? I hope they don't break up.
Apparently he treats people very well. He'll go into a restaurant and spend $1000 on dinner and wine and tip the server $500. He's supposed to be very down to earth, but now I don't know. That mumbling, fake accent makes me want to punch him.
AJ is so all over this. You know she's like, "I get pregnant again and NOW you're single? Why couldn't you do this before Brad knocked me up, you asshole? I'm stuck now!"
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Did AJ get pregnant in time for the Oscars? So that her movie may win?
Sad for the kids.
He has gone off his rocker & is insufferable now.
I hope she finds a good egg, she seems kind.
In gossip dreamland, this plays out with him with Jolie and Brad with Charlize. Who is the hotter couple gets played out on the red carpet -- blondes v. brunettes.
Johnny, take Vanessa and the kids back to France and hideout like you have been.
This gives me the sads.
Vanessa should get herself some of that delectable Romain Duris. They were recently in a movie together.