This is Kaia Gerber and thanks to a whole lot of hard work, determination and tirelessly showing up to go-see after go-see, she has finally landed an ad campaign for Versace Kids. Oh, erase that first part. What I really mean is that Kaia was born out of the correct vagina and is one of the only kids on earth who doesn’t cry for Lord Jesus to save them when Donatella Versace rides onto the set in a chariot made from the bones of the children who crossed her. So Kaia got the job!
Kaia, who is what you get when Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber mate, makes her modeling debut in the Versace Kids campaign, and Donatella said in a press release that Kaia did so well that not once did she think of sucking the youthful innocence out of that child to feed the dark organ of death in her chest:
“Like her mother, Kaia has a very special gift. The camera really, really loves her. Having Cindy on-set for the shoot took me back to all the amazing Avedon shoots we worked on together. It was such a special treat watching Kaia walk in her mother’s footsteps!”
First of all, I’d grab a vat of holy water and throw it at Donatella’s face if she put socks AND sandals on my child’s feet. Socks and sandals are only okay if you’re a Riverside County frat boy going to the liquor store to buy Red Bull and chewing tobacco.
Second of all, I suffered through HOURS (like 8) of Barbizon lessons and do you see “Young Versace ad campaign” in my modeling resume that doesn’t exist?! This makes sense, though. Barbizon was a BarbiJOKE. Case in point: The highlight of any Barbizon class was going to 7-Eleven for a snack. We’d take a break from learning how to do the “bite the sunglasses” pose (like this) and we’d go to 7-Eleven. We were all kids with $2 in our hands so we’d all buy candy. Then we’d sit on the curb and eat the candy in front of our professional modeling teachers. And not ONCE did these supposed professional modeling teachers tell us to immediately barf out that candy in the toilet. See, a total joke of a modeling school.