The late-in-life lesbianface grandma formerly known as one of the hottest pieces in the 1976 Olympics has been open about the fact that he stretched his face in the name of undignified youth to fit in with the other melted dildo faces in the Kardashian family. But at the Mavericks vs. Lakers game in L.A. last night, Bruce Jenner kept his lips shut about the new trail of stitches along the side of his face and it’s got the likes of USA Today asking if he went into the family plastic surgeon’s office for another pulled pork special.
I’ve seen enough episodes of The Swan, Bridalplasty, Dr. 90210, Joan & Melissa and Extreme Makeover to know those stitches aren’t from plastic surgery. Yes, I think Bruce Jenner wants his face to slowly morph into that of a freeze dried Billie Jean King, but I don’t think those stitches on his face are from a surgery to get him there. Those stitches are from something else. Bruce probably had a biopsy, or a mole removal, or he actually spilled a little Arby’s horsey sauce on his cheek and Khloe was a little too rough when she nom nom nom-ed it up.
Or maybe it is a plastic surgery scar after all. Pimp Mama Kris wants to keep all the cash in her pimp cup and after a crash course in face cutting (three episodes of Nip/Tuck), a trip to Toys ‘R Us to buy Baby’s First Plastic Surgery Kit and a certificate from Oneal Ron Morris’ Academy of Bootleg Surgery, Dr. Baby Mason did Bruce Jenner’s second facelift. It’s about time that Baby Mason gets off his lazy diapered ass to start practicing the family’s black magic art of scamming for a dollar.
As Pimp Mama Kris always says, there is no such thing as a free lunch! But there is such thing as a hot lunch with Kim and you’ll have to see Kris to negotiate fees for that.
UPDATE: That was fast. Bruce tells TMZ that his doctor determined that a smell red mark on his face was cancerous. They removed it and now he’s cancer-free, but has to keep his face shaded when he’s out in the sun.