Our Butter Messiah Admits That She’s Had Type 2 Diabetes For Three Years

January 17, 2012 / Posted by:

In the past three years, I’ve watched Paula Deen take bites from deliciousness like deep fried bacon-wrapped Zingers and deep fried bacon-wrapped funnel cake pizza, and now I’m barely learning that that those deep fried bacon-wrapped dishes of deliciousness were probably made with 10 bags of sugar instead of 20! Because Paula Deen admitted on Today (via People) this morning that the not-so-shocking rumor that she’s got Type 2 Diabetes is true and she found out almost three years ago. If you just had a coronary, it’s not from Paula’s news, it’s from eating the words “deep fried bacon-wrapped funnel cake pizza” with your eyes.

Paula says that it took her so long to spit up the news publicly, because she wanted to get all the facts together before she started speaking about it (Translation: Paula was working on her turning her Diabeetus into sugar-free dollar signs by landing a pharmaceutical endorsement deal!). The days of eating mac ‘n cheese soup with whipped bacon cream aren’t totally behind her, because Paula says that even though sweet tea isn’t her friend anymore, she’s still eating her own recipes in moderation.

“I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. I’m excited to team up with Novo Nordisk on this initiative to show others that managing diabetes does not have to stop you from enjoying the things you love.”

Paula Deen is a genius! Paula isn’t saying, “You’ll get Type 2 if you eat my Krispy Kreme bread pudding,” because then nobody will buy her old cookbooks and she’ll have to change everything. Instead she’s whoring out some Diabetes medication while telling everyone to nibble, don’t swallow that Krispy Kreme cheeseburger your tongue craves:

AND when I Googled “Diabetes and butter,” my eyes felt like a butter Jesus blessed my eyes with holy butter when I read this headline: “Got Diabetes? Eat More Butter!” Dairy cows no longer have to wander around the fields wondering what is going to become of them, because Paula and butter are stronger then ever. Also, if watching that clip gave you a temporary case of Diabetes in the eyes, just smear a whole stick of butter on them and call it good.

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