The Hell Did I Watch Last Night?!
Lana Del Rey's album isn't even out yet until later this month, but hos started throwing cold mounds of shit at her months ago when they accused her ass of being as fake as the collagen noodles on her mouth. The Lana haters say that her record label changed her name from Lizzy Grant, uploaded a new musical style into her brain, plumped up her lips with a bike pump and transformed her into some kind of Nancy Sinatra-like indie wonder. And last night, they really tried to make Lana Del Rey happen by pushing her out on Saturday Night Live's stage when they really should've pushed her into an emergency room for a Red Bull injection, because she looked like she was going to fall into a coma mid-hair flip. If this was an episode of Dance Moms, Abby Lee would say that Lana didn't even earn a place on the sand under her pyramid. The whole thing was a new kind of bizarre.
Lana sounded like a Japanese person trying to sing in English with a German accent. I'm sure that what came out of her mouth is not unlike the sounds that come out of a walrus's mouth when it's doing high school theater vocal exercises. The passport of Lana's voice filled up last night, because it was all over the place. (GONG me in the face for that one. I deserve it.) The way she moved too. Lord. It was like someone threatened to shoot all of her loved ones if she didn't give the performance of her life and she doesn't really love her loved ones, but doesn't want them to know that, so she just Meh-ed her way through it. Nerves due to inexperience are a helluva drug.
With all that being blogged, I LOVED EVERY PAINFUL MINUTE OF IT! It was like watching an overly sedated 8-year-old girl do a Jennifer North from Valley of the Dolls impersonation. Sedated camp at its finest!
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Wow. Um. I perform with more energy when I've drunk a whole bottle of NyQuil mixed with Hypnotiq (the blue one, of course. The purple one is Ge-To.)
HOWEVERS, the studio version of the Video Games track is polished enough that her narcoleptic vocal delivery takes on a dreamy quality instead of sounding like she's gargling French marbles while she's live. So, um, I kinda <3 her now.
The studio her. Live her, meh.
MY GOD. what was THAT. O_o
Was this a David Lynch directed SNL clip? I never know when or if he's trying to be funny. I understood not a word of what she was singing. Apparently some absurd angst about a boyfried lost in WoW?
FWIW, her lips were very pretty before she had them mutilated. Why can't rich brats be grateful for what they've got and go live quietly in their obscene wealth? Why do they need fame too?
Funny the article linked mentioned singing while sleepwalking Nancy Sinatra because that's what she reminds me of and at least Nancy has one memorable song. "C'mon boots, get walkin'"
MK, I am currently throwing you a side-eye of annoyance for pointing out this person who I had never heard of until this very day.
Why are you like this? You know I read every single word you write (unlike that bitch Tina Fey who only pretends to love you). Now I have clicked on the link and seen the video and heard the song and I can neither un-see nor un-hear these travesties.
I am going to Youtube to play "Party in the USA" on a continuous loop for two hours to cleans my palate.
Thanks a lot.
Submitted by ElleDriver on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 12:57pm.
The people coming all over themselves over this girl have obviously never listened to Mazzy Star.
http://youtu.be/XucegAHZojc
Girl WISHES she was Hope Sandoval.
HAHAHA! I knew she sounded familiar, but I think she's borrowing from a lot of people... they media dubbed her the "Gangsta Nancy Sinatra", for real!!!
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Did no one bother to prep her for how to stand onstage?? The awkward arm movements. The random walking in a circle. I mean, I remember singing a solo in high school choir and my teacher said, "youre doing this weird thing with your hand. Stop it!" And that was just for the Spring Sing in the cafeteria/auditorium. I can imagine they could've done something similar for national TV!!
Submitted by salacious on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 1:09pm.
I can't stand the media trying to shove this chick down our throats. They've overhyped the shit out of her.
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Abso-fucking lutely!! I checked her music out on itunes store, OMG I stopped after just a couple of seconds. It reminds me of overpriced skinny latte outlets with low fat organic bran muffins and unfriendly hipsters. I fart in their general direction.
Here's what she was like before the slug lips were installed:
http://hipsterrunoff.com/altreport/2011/09/lana-del-rey-exposed-b4-she-w...
Poor little rich girl has delusions of talent.
She looks like she walked into a plastic surgeon's office and requested Julia Roberts' lips, but wound up with Courtney Stodden's instead.
I can't stand the media trying to shove this chick down our throats. They've overhyped the shit out of her. She's the equivalent of Lady Caca for the Macbook Pro generation who claim they are not hipsters but they are.
Really, I've been making fun of the lyrics of this song on Youtube. They feel calculated down to a T; the "Video games" reference is definitely aimed to women in their late 20s/early 30s who date guys who still play video games.
Codependent bitch alert- pick up the Xbox controller or stop whining!!!
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
"Lana Del Rey"?? Who came up with that moniker, Hedda Hopper?
Her voice isn't that bad, but her awkwardness and ridiculous appearance detract from any talent she might have. And what's with those bizarre stage lights? Since when do they light anybody that way on SNL? It's as if somebody thought we'd all be distracted by the pretty colors and not notice we were at Amateur Night in the banquet room of the Golden Corral.
Ho must deliver a killer blumpkin.
I didn't watch all of the first video but what I did see made me think of Julia Roberts doing a terrible Nico impression with a few Cher hairflips thrown in for good measure.
Submitted by ElleDriver on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 12:57pm.
Good call! Definitely a "Fade into You" vibe.
I just had to "cleanse my aural palatte" by listening to some Amy Winehouse.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 12:49pm.
Strange. It's awful singing, but strangely alluring - a bit like watching a very disturbing art film about a mother who eats her newborn.
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Yes, it kind of reminds me of watching the film, Antichrist, where the wife mutilates her genitals.
Courtney Stodden got into a time machine to lip-sync an Olivia Newton John song on American Bandstand???
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 12:49pm.
LMAO! It's like music by Fellini.
It sort of reminded me of the South Park episode where the kids started a talent agency and the City Wok guy's wife was their client.
Her EP is number 2 on I Tunes now. Guess they saw a different performance last night.
The people coming all over themselves over this girl have obviously never listened to Mazzy Star.
http://youtu.be/XucegAHZojc
Girl WISHES she was Hope Sandoval.
Wait, did she get permission from Paz de Huerta (or whatever her name is) to use her drunken stumbling in her video? Wow, that was kinda low...
Never heard of her. She is dreadful. What the hell is happening to the music industry?
Is this her Gretchen Mol Vanity Fair moment or will she actually get a Vanity Fair cover?
It's not often I say "Dear God that was awful", but congrats Lana del Ray; you earned it.
Strange. It's awful singing, but strangely alluring - a bit like watching a very disturbing art film about a mother who eats her newborn.
We turned it on when she was singing and kept waiting for the skit to end. Shit was awful.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
You have to remember that SNL had Ke$ha as a 'musical guest' once upon a time.
LOL@ Juliette Lewis saying this chick looked like a 12 yr old girl, trying to sing in her bedroom.
But why are you on TWITTER, ffs Juliette?
OMG WTF was that shit?? Hopefully this is the hipster jumped the shark moment. That was just dreadful.
Daaaaamn!! That was horrid. What a wanna be! Shes trying way too hard and failing miserably here. Everything about her is fake: her name, her face, her hair.
I liked her until i heard her sing live on XMU and i knew she couldnt really sing and her Daddys $ (he is an internet domain name bilionaire) is pushing her.
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
Never heard of her, but I'll take the internet's word for it.
I did see the clips of Daniel Radcliffe as Casey Anthony's dog and the "You Can Do Anything!" show. I thought those were pretty funny.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Next time I need a Sominex, I'll just look at this bitch's YouTube.
She does look like the city twin to Phoebe Price's country twin.
Thanks DirtyWHoreMouth, I'm going to hunt on the youtube to see if there is a clip up already.
I heard this song (Video Games) on the radio and didn't like it. I think she probably imbibed because she was nervous to sing in front of a live audience.
Bitch wishes she was Fiona Apple. She looks like a better worked on version of Pheobe Price. Do people really listen to her shit songs? They all sound alike, like a sad chick on cough syrup.
It's like performance art of a nervous and untalented high school girl getting up on stage for the first and last time, after which she is booed and the audience throws stuff at her.
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
You know the musical guest is bad when you'd rather watch Vince chopping his lovable nuts:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPKtBM99kAc
Remember this priceless motto:
"Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life"
But, that's not all...!
"Tacos, fettuccine, linguine, martini, BIKINI!"
That's some Dr. Seuss on crack meets Sham wow/slap-chop shit right there.
Wait...
Tuna? Martini? Bikini?
Vince might be onto something here...hmmmmmmmm
GG he was pretty good. HE came out during weekend update as Casey Anthony's dog.
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by Bwhit19964 on Sun, 01/15/2012 - 11:58am.
It was like watching Florence and The Machine on heroin with a head cold.
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Agreed. She's trying to jump on the FloMachine train with the dark/ethereal shit but.... fail.
This dumb girl got a tatt with Lana Del Rey's lyrics.
http://www.bimbobeautiful.com/2011/12/video-games.html
(thanks for the link Oh Dave.
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Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
WHO?????
Have I been in a coma or something, because I have no idea who she is or what the hell it was she was trying to do last night.
Yeah, I watched that hot mess last night and couldn't believe it. Glad to see I'm not the only one. I felt a bit "get off my lawn" but now I see I wasn't alone.
@WinterOwl22
It's funny you mention Fiona Apple because I felt like she was trying to be Apple-like in her singing style, but failed miserably. Fiona is not only talented but has massive amounts of passion. This bish was too precious and cold for that.
Yeah, she's fake as hell (and bitch has THE NERVE to deny having plastic surgery, honey, we've got EYES, for fuck's sake!) but in a world dominated by CaCa, Katy Perry and other shit, she's pretty fucking talented.
ETA: GOD. I only knew the studio version of this song, which is good, but the live one is AWFUL.
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"All great truths begin as blasphemies." - George Bernard Shaw
Damn it! I missed Harry Potter hosting SNL!!!
Well, 15 seconds after the advertisement, I bailed...on both videos. She looks like Phoebe Price's younger sister. Her talent is questionable, her voice is awful and her stage presence is non-existant.
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Deb, that's why I looked her up. They were comparing her to Fiona and i understand the vocal comparison. But her backstory and some of her song, not to mention her plastic face, just really turned me off.
Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Her video is interesting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO1OV5B_JDw
If you want to know why to hate her you should read this. http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/2011/12/worst_songs_2011_lana_del_re...
Her article on Kreayshawn is pretty funny, too.
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
I thought it was a new Kristen Wiig character. Dreadful.
I seriously thought this was a skit last night. Like a send up of the worst SNL performance imaginable. A song about video games? FFS, maybe I am officially one of the olds now, but I just don't get it.
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
Damn it, I love you MK. I just do. I always think I'm being a complete bitch when I think these things.. but then you rescue me by posting what I thought.. lol. Except you translate it much better than my simple, "Wow, she really sucked. And is she unable to smile?!" And the Dance Moms reference?! I am naming my next child after you. xoxo