Asking “Which Kuntrashian can you stomach the most?” is just like asking “Would you rather eat hyena diarrhea, armpit cheese or Ke$ha?“, but most hos would probably say that they can take Khloe Kuntrashian (she’s armpit cheese, by the way) the most. So because of this, many believe that Khloe does not have Kardashian blood running through her veins. Pimp Mama Kris has denied this a million times over, but Robert Kardashian’s ex-wife and widow claim that he told them he was NOT the father. I don’t know if I should be happy or sad that Maury’s team is trying to get DNA swabs from Chewbacca, Ludo from Labyrinth, Chyna and Andre the Giant’s corpse for a very special Kardashian episode for sweeps.
Jan Ashley married Robert Kardashian right after his marriage to Pimp Mama Kris shriveled into nothingness, and she tells Star Magazine that he confessed to her that he knew he wasn’t Khloe’s biological father.
“Khloe is not his kid — he told me that after we got married. He just kind of looked at me and said [it] like it was a matter of fact. He said, ‘Well, you know that Khloe’s not really a Kardashian, don’t you?’ And I said…’OK,’ and that was it.”
Robert’s widow, Ellen Kardashian, backs up Jan’s ESCANDALOSO words. According to Ellen, Robert told her that he wasn’t even dipping into Pimp Mama Kris’ kunt maker at the time Khloe was conceived. Pimp Mama Kris even admitted in her book that she screwed around with a side piece named Ryan around the time Khloe was made. Jan lays it out like this:
“Khloe brought it up all the time. She looked nothing like the rest. She was tall, had a different shape, light hair, curly hair. Didn’t look anything like the other three children. Robert did question the fact that Khloe was his. Any normal man would if they knew their wife had cheated on him. [But] he never would have considered a DNA test. He loved her very much.”
DISCLAIMER: Ellen Kardashian filed for Chapter 7 in 2010 and lost her home to foreclosure this past October. So if you want to, you can file all of this under: Taking A Page From Pimp Mama Kris’ Handbook On Shamelessly Whoring For Some Quick Coin.
It really doesn’t matter at this point if Robert isn’t Khloe’s biological father or if she’s the product of Pimp Mama Kris’ wild night at a sex party in Narnia. The damage has already been done. The Karkrashian trifecta is complete and there’s no going back. Besides, Robert Kardashian isn’t Kim, Kourtney or Khloe’s father anymore. After they drained the blood from their bodies and replaced their veins with water from the river of wailing, they became Lucifer’s daughters! And by Lucifer I mean Ryan Seacrest.
And here’s some pictures from last week of Khloe and Kim confusing the animals at the Dallas World Aquarium, because those two should be the ones in a cage.