The bill collectors must be shoving themselves through Ellen Kardashian’s plumbing pipes to get into her house, because she’s throwing up all the secrets she knows about the Kardashians to Star Magazine. First came Ellen’s accusation that Khloe is not a Kardashian by blood and now she’s saying that if you crawled into the back of Bruce Jenner’s closet, you’d find a wardrobe fit for a night time queen. After a long day of getting his nuts twisted by the devil claw attached to Pimp Mama Kris, Bruce loves to wind down with a marabou boa around his neck and the size 15 heels he stole from Khloe’s closet on his feet.
Ellen apparently heard from Bruce Jenner’s ex-wife that when the lights go down and the bedroom door closes, he transforms himself into Brucella Jenner (and you know he looks better than Kris)! This is what came out of Ellen’s mouth about Bruce’s not-so-scandalous secret:
“’Of course Bruce was every woman’s heartthrob when he was that age, right? But Chrystie said, ‘Yeah, until I went on a trip and I came back and he had gone through all my clothes. And I found my bras… He’d clip them together and wear them.’ I couldn’t live with that.
And Ellen went on, “No, I couldn’t live with that. But I can totally live with telling everyone about it! Now, can I get those stack of hundreds you promised, because these bill collectors are totally up my ass! No, I mean that literally, because when I sat on the toilet this morning one of them crawled up there.”
And I think it’s about time that I show you what this Ellen Kardashian looks like:
Yeah, are you thinking what I’m thinking? Let me put our thoughts into picture form:
Dim your monitor, sit all the way back, tilt your head, squint your eyes and hold your breath until your brain becomes slightly dead (like a Kardashian!)…. You see it, right? Bruce Jenner IS Ellen Kardashian. Ellen Kardashian IS Bruce Jenner. It all makes sense (but it only makes sense because your brain is slightly dead from holding your breath that long).