Behold, The Most Beautiful Woman In The Kardashian Klan

January 11, 2012 / Posted by:

The bill collectors must be shoving themselves through Ellen Kardashian’s plumbing pipes to get into her house, because she’s throwing up all the secrets she knows about the Kardashians to Star Magazine. First came Ellen’s accusation that Khloe is not a Kardashian by blood and now she’s saying that if you crawled into the back of Bruce Jenner’s closet, you’d find a wardrobe fit for a night time queen. After a long day of getting his nuts twisted by the devil claw attached to Pimp Mama Kris, Bruce loves to wind down with a marabou boa around his neck and the size 15 heels he stole from Khloe’s closet on his feet.

Ellen apparently heard from Bruce Jenner’s ex-wife that when the lights go down and the bedroom door closes, he transforms himself into Brucella Jenner (and you know he looks better than Kris)! This is what came out of Ellen’s mouth about Bruce’s not-so-scandalous secret:

“’Of course Bruce was every woman’s heartthrob when he was that age, right? But Chrystie said, ‘Yeah, until I went on a trip and I came back and he had gone through all my clothes. And I found my bras… He’d clip them together and wear them.’ I couldn’t live with that.

And Ellen went on, “No, I couldn’t live with that. But I can totally live with telling everyone about it! Now, can I get those stack of hundreds you promised, because these bill collectors are totally up my ass! No, I mean that literally, because when I sat on the toilet this morning one of them crawled up there.”

And I think it’s about time that I show you what this Ellen Kardashian looks like:

Yeah, are you thinking what I’m thinking? Let me put our thoughts into picture form:

Dim your monitor, sit all the way back, tilt your head, squint your eyes and hold your breath until your brain becomes slightly dead (like a Kardashian!)…. You see it, right? Bruce Jenner IS Ellen Kardashian. Ellen Kardashian IS Bruce Jenner. It all makes sense (but it only makes sense because your brain is slightly dead from holding your breath that long).

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106 responses to “Behold, The Most Beautiful Woman In The Kardashian Klan”

  1. PinkPostIt says:

    Very sad. Bruce went from being a respected athlete to this. His medals should be revoked for marrying into the immoral garbage family.

    PS – Am I the only one who get a “Michael Jackson” vibe from his daughter in this picture?

    Edit: I guess I should have read the comments first.

  2. Hekki says:

    *dying laughing at all the comments so far*

    miz: YES! She totally does. That is damn creepy.

    Dog: *fresh fits of giggles at “feisty possum*

    snowy: His chest was probably a lot bigger around than hers. But then again, that would be four bra cups… ahhh, fuggit. I don’t know. Cross-dressers do weird shit.

  3. Datura says:

    Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 01/11/2012 – 1:27pm.
    is that supposed to be the pretty daughter?

    ——————————————

    No, this one is the youngest. She looks like a mini Khloe (meaning, she’s probably only 5’8)

    *~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
    Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb

  4. Hekki says:

    The daughter looks a little like The Curious Case of Aliana Lohan, too.

  5. snowpiece says:

    LMAO Hekki and elmo, YES, she has his new face! and she does look like a Jackson, wait, will this be the next Kardashian scandal? Kendal or whatever her name is is not really a Kardashain either, I mean Jenner but who calls them that?

    ***************************
    “That’s what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you’re down.” MK
    “I’m from the New Jersey where we say “AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!” ” Sucky

  6. suckandfuck says:

    Brucelina is an old hag! We see her on Rodeo Drive and her diamond earrings catch the sun and blind us! We don’t care much for Brucelina.

    ————————————————-
    Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 – 5:47pm.
    suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

  7. miz cynical says:

    @ Hekki- agreed. Why the hell does this daughter look like she’s middle-age?

  8. snowpiece says:

    LOL MK ♥u!
    “And I think it’s about time that I show you what this Ellen Kardashian looks like”

    ***************************
    “That’s what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you’re down.” MK
    “I’m from the New Jersey where we say “AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!” ” Sucky

  9. Evil_Cupcake says:

    I wonder if Brucie likes push-up bras or padded? Does he prefer Manolos or Louboutains?

    Poor Kendall, she got the short end of the stick in the looks department. YES, I went there. *boards bus to hell*

  10. louise_brooks says:

    How and why would you “clip bras together”? That doesn’t even make sense.

  11. Secret Original says:

    He would clip her bras together? Was he wearing them like a banana skirt?

  12. guest says:

    Lol @ these comments! Bet PMK pegs Bruce on the regular & he likes it.

    ******************

    Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 – 9:32am.
    It’s ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don’t yell git ‘er done because we all hate that.

  13. Biht Chi Whon says:

    Ellen Kardashian = Scarlett Johansson in 25 years.

  14. Spoiled says:

    A 36″ bra isn’t going to fit. If, however, you clip two bras together (one upside down), then a man can wear it. He would only be looking at the front one in the mirror anyway. I believe it.
    But someone needs to let Bruce know that pink lipstick went out with the 80s

  15. MickeyHolland says:

    Is he seriously playing “Girl with a Pearl Earring” here or is this another fine piece of creative art by MK?

    ——————————————————–

    “We are here on earth to do good for others.
    What the others are here for, I don’t know.”
    W.H. Auden

  16. jelliebean says:

    sisters
    sisters
    there were never such devoted sisters..

  17. mike says:

    The both look like waxen in that pic.

  18. letinstar says:

    i can totally picture bruce switching and swinging in a pair of kitten heels…as for ellen, she reminds me of brigitte neilsen…
    _____________________________________________
    “The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.” —
    Roseanne Barr

  19. squiggles says:

    Submitted by Secret Original on Wed, 01/11/2012 – 1:38pm.

    He would clip her bras together? Was he wearing them like a banana skirt?

    *****

    Or maybe as a sash? Pair it with heels and he’s read to werk!

  20. miz cynical says:

    @snowpiece – oh, no! Don’t give those slores any ideas to keep them relevant! I can see the headline now: “MJ was NOT the father of his own kids, but he IS the father of PMK’s kids! They had an affair and PMK raised the dauhter (s?) As her own!!!”

  21. LaChaylo says:

    Color me that pink shade of lipstick he’s wearing and call me not surprised. We all know who wears the strap on in that relationship.

  22. coca says:

    Every ex-wife I know claims their ex-husband is gay.
    Just a thought.

  23. TexnDoc says:

    John Belusci did the best Bruce Jenner skit. “I trained hard for those medals. And how did I do it? Cigarettes and little chocolate donuts for breakfast” as he pours a box of mini chocolate donuts into a bowl and pours milk over them.
    Damn he’s been long gone and this remains.

  24. MissAnnThrope says:

    Bruce looks like a burn victim… like his face is so botoxed and TIGHT that he has a mask look. Look at his EYEBROWS. They are absolutely feminine and perfect. Look at his HAIR!?! Is it real? Are those plugs or a wig? What is going on?! I can’t look at it anymore!

  25. guest says:

    *hi-fives lachay* you know that’s right.

    *****************

    Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 – 9:32am.
    It’s ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don’t yell git ‘er done because we all hate that.

  26. urmomma says:

    I am confused by the shade of lipstick he has on. He really needs to stop by the makeup counter and get some professional advice.

    *********************
    The difficult brown?! I think we’re all done here. -MK

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