Blue Ivy Carter Is Showing Suri Cruise Up
Suri Cruise has long been the reigning child princess of spoiled luxury and a jewel was added to her crown when she allegedly put together a $100,000 Christmas list, but that jewel has just been snatched away by 8-second-old Blue Ivy Carter. B.I.C. won't even roll out of her crib for a pile of $100,000 gifts. B.I.C. shits on $100,000. I mean that literally, because I'm sure her diapers are made of £50 notes. Britain's Star Magazine (via SS) says that Blue Ivy Carter is slobbering and barfing on the gaudiest shit Beyonce and Jay-Z's money can buy.
As the ATM tells you to fuck off when you try to take $10 out (like me, you know which ATMs spit out tens) for lunch today, think about Blue Ivy Carter rocking on a tacky ass horse that costs more than your house before you bite on a live electrical wire. This is the list of Veruca Salt-approved shit that's in Blue Ivy Carter's life:
A Swarovski-studded high chair by Carla Monchen - $15,000
A Fantasy Posh Tots Coach Carriage Crib - $22,000
A gold handmade rocking horse by Ginza Tanaka - $600,000
A windmill playhouse - $30,000
A lucite crib - $35000
The source adds that Blue Ivy already has a designer wardrobe worth thousands and a diamond rattle from Tiffany & Co. Beyonce and Jay-Z also spent $350,000 on cloning Blue Ivy's Manhattan nursery in their other homes. The daughter of the 1% has been born!
We should probably stage an OCCUPY BLUE IVY'S NURSERY protest, but I think it's best that we instead use our energies on sending good thoughts (and our live savings) to Suri during this difficult time. Suri is wearing this season Chanel heels and Blue Ivy is wearing NEXT season someshiticantevenpronounce booties. Suri has a full-time personal hairstylist who lives in her bathroom and Blue Ivy has a weave garden of grown women who are each growing their hair out just for her. Suri gets carried everywhere by humans since her feet are too precious to touch sidewalk and Blue Ivy is never going to even look at the sidewalk since she's going to travel around in a platinum-plated iHovercraft pod created by the late Steve Jobs. What I'm trying to say is that SURI CRUISE IS POOR!!! We should pray.
And this story gets 5 out of 5 Angry Suris.
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It would be awesome if bitchface Zahara Jolie the Pitts could bully entitled bitch Ivy Cater. Too bad about the age difference.
As the mother of a child with a serious auto immune disease, I wonder what kind of adversity these self-important turds have ever really faced. If I had that kind of money I'd fund some serious medical research to fight disease, pay off stranger's medical bills anonymously, help children any way I can. Think of the lives these people could change! Their money could make such an impact. But they don't give a shit and they are going to raise this little one to be the same. Sad.
LOL at those photos of Suri
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
This should should make for some interesting one-upmanship in Whoretown, and by interesting I mean *could not give a fcuk* Love MK's descriptions though. And Suri's faces in every photo, Priceless. Just like her Daddy! I can just picture her making them all day all the time. 5 angry Suri's, LOL!
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Stupid,ridiculous,wasteful,shameless,gluttonous,embarrassing,self righteous,disgusting,and typical..how about a box of pampers and a bottle from Target? Even if i could afford all of this,,I wouldnt even want it because it is ugly and weird. This child is going to grow up to be the biggest most annoying self entitled bitch the world has ever seen. God bless her and hope she flees this pretend life the day she turns 18,goes into the world and makes her way as a functioniong normal human being.
Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 1:19pm.
I love you guys but seeing this Illuminati symbolism everywhere is just bizarre. Yeah, there are a lot of masonic symbols but that's because most of the Founding Fathers were Freemasons and that's not exactly a secret. But Imma check out that because I'm bored and have nothing to do until 3:30 when I get to quit this bitch for the day.
*backs out of thread without turning back on crazy people masquerading as Dlisted regs*
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Sometimes it's amusing to spot masonic symbols, you really don't realize how many there are until you learn about it. It would make a good drinking game.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 7:20pm.
Hmm, what could horrify Jay Camel and Bouncy?
If she became the second coming of Parasite.
If she became a porn star.
If she became a nun dedicated to poverty and rejected all overpriced bling.
If she became a minimalist and rejected all that tack shit.
If she joined a real rock band.
If she decided she didn't want the hip-hop career daddy is already arranging for her.
If she decided she likes the surrogate better than her parents.
The possibilities are endless!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
They forgot...
30 years of the best therapists money can buy: Priceless
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Dude, Jay-Z DOES look like Joe Camel!! To the guy/gal who called him that... I LOVE YOU.
I love the 5 angry Suri rating. Wait until Kate and William have a baby, that will score at least 5 angry Suri's.
You can't pray a lie.
Mark Twain
So tacky, to publicly brag about the overpriced ugly shit you buy for kids you have no intention to spend time with...
gauche! that lucite crib looks like it causes sudden infant death syndrome.
C6, do you mean the Weblog (bloggie) awards? http://2012.bloggi.es/ Might be, but I am not sure.
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
I know they are going to over indulge the baby till she grows up to be a bigger cunt/slut than Parisite Hilton. I hope Blue Waffle grows up to just horrify her vile parents.
MK, read this post while waiting at the doc specialist earlier. LMFAO, SERIOUSLY, AT THIS WHOLE POST AND THAT "5/5 SURI RAGE" RATING SHIT HAD ME CRACKING UP OUT THE FUCK LOUD SOMEONE AT THE DOC OFFICE ASKED IF I WAS OKAY. This post, omg.
Whoever mentioned that website that "awards/rates" top bloggers, please post that again, as I intended to rate MK for top honors for like the last damn year and a half. Time to do this mess. Please repost the blog award site thingy and shit, pls.
OFT - Separately, @EvilShoe, I wrote you an email. Love when I see you here online. Rock on.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." Christopher Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse,1983-2011) *caprica six was/is here*
Next they'll have an Alice In Wonderland party at the manison with Tim Burton and Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter while people are losing their jobs and becoming homeless.
Oh wait, already done.
Disgusting.
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
sinjin - you would love Monarch Magazine's tagline
"One Voice ~ One Vision ~ One People"
*cackles while covering one eye"
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"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."
Muriel Rukeyser, poet
Did y'all hear about Brangelina visiting Obama today?: http://whitehouse.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/11/pitt-jolie-pay-obama-a-visit/...
Dog,
I checked out that Vigilant Citizen site, too, a while back and came to one simple conclusion: That becoming aware of such symbolism in culture is nearly as bad as those who "endorse" it. Just another way to become paranoid and "religious" about everything. I can appreciate Lady Gaga without thinking of "The All Seeing Eye" of Horus (in fact, I would never have thought about it had I not read it). It's like learning about drugs before you even realize what drugs are. I am kind of concerned about what The Vigilant Citizen's point really IS.
Is his rocking horse named Pegasus, because what the hell else does it do besides rock? Does it take you to another dimension? And how much are these two assholes worth that they are throwing around this kind of cash on a baby? I am not jealous, I just think it's stupid. What are you going to d for her sweet 16?
My mother always said you can tell when people aren't used to having anything because they do stuff exactly like this. Ignoramuses. Since J is supposed to be such an ace boon coon (yeah, I said it) of Warren Buffet, I hope he had the sense to get some free investment advice.
Yes because these drooling shit factories really need all that fancy stuff right? Fuck you rich people..seriously, fuck you.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Lol I love the "Angry Suris" rating!
This shit is gross though.
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Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Bey-z are so tacky! i feel sorry for that poor baby already.
you know all the tantrum and facial expressions comes directly from the head princess..."Princess Tommygirl".
I’m thinking of writing Papa Jay-Z and Lady Beyonce a please adopt me letter.
Shall I try?
Dear Jay-Z and Beyonce,
First of all let me thank you both for bringing the newest ray of sunshine into my life, Blue Ivy. May she also become just as famous and loved as both of you and nearly as good looking.
Going forward I now know I will have much more to blog about, viles and viles of envy seeping from my tongue and a perennial fixation to know what Blue Ivory Carter will be up to at every waking moment.
I will dream, reminisce and giggle with every passing media whore dribble that Blue Ivory will utter from her $600 000 crib. My only saw point being that there will never be enough room for all of us to nestle with Blue Ivory as she is silently rocked to sleep. I’m sure her dreams will be sweet and full of diamond trinkets, trinkets that I am sure both of you will take great care to sprinkle underneath her pillow whilst Blue Ivory languidly slumbers away.
To be honest I was wondering why you chose the name Blue Ivory? Personally I would have steered towards ‘Expensive Gold Flake,’ or another personal favorite of mine,’ Crystal Illuminati Boombox.’ It does have a nice ring about it?
No?
Yes, you’re right, a trifle gauche…
That said like every other media whore blogger I am weeping bundles of tears and wishing you all my love. Please find my application to also be Blue Ivory’s new adopted brother.
Lots of love bixches
signed a hopeful and sadly resigned
Scallywag.
(Michael K you rock!!)
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/blue-ivy-carter-would-like-to-an...
Submitted by Stan Hooper on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 2:41pm.
I have to say, along with Dlisted, I have a guilty pleasure reading Suri's Burn Book.
http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/
It's HILARIOUS!!!!!
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Yes! Some heffa on here hooked me on that site. Who knew Suri was so damn funny?
Submitted by TANGELINE on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 1:42pm.
Are you people serious? Jay Z and Beyounce worked for their money and they can spend it as they see fit. Like it or not, they are rich and they will shop where rich people will shop.
When Donald Trump had a goldcrusted stroller for his son, did you all care? shut up and let live. Where the fuck you guys expect them to go to Wal-Mart and shop? Seiously.. This covert bigotry is just annoying!
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Well I don't know about anyone else but I was expecting them to feed her government cheese whilst they did crack. Yo.
my fav is: "Blue Ivy is never going to even look at the sidewalk since she's going to travel around in a platinum-plated iHovercraft pod created by the late Steve Jobs."
Submitted by Stan Hooper on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 2:41pm.
Very funny! I am hooked!
I have to say, along with Dlisted, I have a guilty pleasure reading Suri's Burn Book.
http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/
It's HILARIOUS!!!!!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
I cannot be-weave how rich Beyoncé has got by wiggling her fat ass into the public eye while wearing a wig and wailing out random woh-woh's. I simply do not get Beyoncé's success.
anywho. I hope these nouveau riche arseholes enjoy their vajazzled nursery crap before they become irrelevant and pull a Sheree Whitfield.
Nigella and Jamie ain't got shit on Titli !
http://titlisbusykitchen.com/
Awesome beakers - I can't wait to get home and check it out!! I work for speaker nazis lol. *skips off with beakers, urmomma, and dirty eddie*
Submitted by sinjin on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 1:59pm.
Submitted by Dog : *backs out of thread without turning back on crazy people masquerading as Dlisted regs*
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*jumps out* BOO! LOL :-)
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Sinjin, that guy better not watch the move The Sting! He sees that finger over thumb signal and his head will blow clean off!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
BeakersBitch!! and Sweetas! LMAO!...I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend!
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Cleaning the baby food (especially the cereal!) off that high chair, with all those crystals, ought to be quite a feat.
Ahhh, WTF. They'll just throw it out & buy a new one anyway.
Crazyassmom: Haaay!
Thanks, TR.
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You're very welcome Turt! You seem very genuine and compassionate. The type of person we need to see more of nowadays. =p
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
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Submitted by TANGELINE on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 1:42pm.
SERIOUSLY! You are going to turn this into a racial thing? OMFG! Do you not read dlisted regularly? Have you NLOT SEEN the comments about Suri? ANYONE'S spending?
We get it, you are a fan, but really, trying to turn this into a racial thing is just bloody ridiculous! Everyone spending money on douche bag things, black, white, yellow, purple, gets called out.
I couldn't care less what these people do, it's just a place to snark, so get over yourself!
Submitted by jelliebean on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 1:58pm.
"edit: "You're ugly and your fucking baby is ugly too."--John Galliano"
^^^
priceless!
also Iove the five angry Suris. But does poor Suri have to emote for herself now? Can't one of her personal staff express her displeasures for her? Isn't this the kind of thing only lowly *cough* actors do?
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LOL, or a random Scientolo-hole :-) Actually, I'm surprised Tomalina carries her at all when they can get a random Scio to push her around on a moving dolly, like she's a stove or fridge.
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
I'd further like to add how disappointed I was to read about a lucite crib without a Shauna Sand reference afterwards.
Submitted by Dog : *backs out of thread without turning back on crazy people masquerading as Dlisted regs*
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*jumps out* BOO! LOL :-)
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
I checked out that Vigilant Citizen.
No.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
"edit: "You're ugly and your fucking baby is ugly too."--John Galliano"
^^^
priceless!
also Iove the five angry Suris. But does poor Suri have to emote for herself now? Can't one of her personal staff express her displeasures for her? Isn't this the kind of thing only lowly *cough* actors do?
Are you people serious? Jay Z and Beyounce worked for their money and they can spend it as they see fit. Like it or not, they are rich and they will shop where rich people will shop.
When Donald Trump had a goldcrusted stroller for his son, did you all care? shut up and let live. Where the fuck you guys expect them to go to Wal-Mart and shop? Seiously.. This covert bigotry is just annoying!
Hahaha beakers - great link to the church bulletin bloopers!
"Evening massage - 6 p.m." "...not afflicted with any church" Fricking LOLOL
OT I hope little baby Blue smears little baby poo over every inch of that ridiculous stuff.
ETA Vern!! Hahaha he was awesome wasn't he? And yes, your money was better spent to further your education. ;)
SweetASS I saw that guy! And another who would tell a dirty joke for a buck. Guess who I gave $$$ to. :)
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
A gold rocking horse? Really? That sounds like it might crush a kid. Just saying.
Wow... yes it's true.. The reign is over.. A rapper will by rims for his car that cost hundreds of thousands.. Now u have the highest paid rapper having a baby....omfg.. the bullshit they will be buying.. and they have to have the best.. it was good while it lasted Suri..
I love you guys but seeing this Illuminati symbolism everywhere is just bizarre. Yeah, there are a lot of masonic symbols but that's because most of the Founding Fathers were Freemasons and that's not exactly a secret. But Imma check out that because I'm bored and have nothing to do until 3:30 when I get to quit this bitch for the day.
*backs out of thread without turning back on crazy people masquerading as Dlisted regs*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org