Click play before proceeding, because this kind of foolery needs a theme song and this is just the theme song for it:
When Beyonce’s gold-plated House of Dereoyster slipped out the second coming on a bed of blessed weaves Saturday night, I just knew it was only a matter of time before the Illuminati theories started dropping on the Internet and the Internet hasn’t let me down. Beyonce and Jay-Z’s daughter’s name Blue Ivy (which still sounds like the name of a European porn star or a Los Angeles-area new American bistro with a C rating on its door) probably represents their weird obsession with the number 4. Ivy after IV and Blue after Jay-Z’s The Blueprint Project, which he’s done 3 of, so Blue Ivy would be his fourth. Yeah, the way they hump on the number 4 is weird, but they’re beyond rich and sometimes that kind of money turns a ho into a bona fide crazy.
But the best theory as to why Beyonce and Jay-Z named the golden child Blue Ivy came from Twitter, of course. On Sunday morning, the topic #illuminatisveryoungest started trending after some disciples of fuckery claimed that Eulb Yvi (Blue Ivy backwards) is the name of Lucifer’s daughter. Gather brings us this gift wrapped in a ribbon of HAHAHAHAHAs:
It seems that people believe the name “Ivy” stands for “Illuminati’s Very Youngest.” Why people think this, it’s not clear. Maybe because daddy Jay-Z is rumored to be a part of the Illuminati. It’s highly unlikely, however, that the ultra-secretive group would allow a newborn to join their ranks. Especially since the Illuminati is said to be a men’s only club.
A Twitter user said the following : Rai Mitha (@Rai968): IVY =Illuminati’s Very Youngest. Eulb Yvi (her name backwards) is Lucifer’s daughter’s name in Latin
So basically, if you take Blue Ivy and turn it backwards you get Eulb Yvi, which just so happens to be Lucifer’s daughter’s name in Latin. Now, that’s a weird combination. So, Beyoncé’s daughter is not only the Illuminati’s Very Youngest, she’s also the daughter of Satan? Does that make Jay-Z the devil incarnated?
Eulb Yvi?! That sounds like the name of the illness I’m currently suffering from that’s making my b-hole hack up phlegm. I would say that some bitches need less Twitter in their lives, but I don’t mean that, because we need more hot-blooded puddles of mess like this. So they’re basically trying to say that Beyonce’s Baby is the new Rosemary’s Baby. I swear, Beyonce is so damn shameless. She’s stealing from move plots now! But I still need to see the scene where Beyonce’s wig spooks right off of her head when she stares into her House of Dereon stroller and sees a demon child (who has a face like this).
But seriously, after doing some research, I found out that in Latin the name Eulb Yvi actually means JACKSHIT NOTHING! It means nothing. Besides, the real name of Lucifer’s daughter is Sirk Rennej.
And while doing research, I also learned that the latin phrase K Leahcim means dim slore in English.