Beyonce Wants You To Know That Blue Ivy Came Out Naturally, Thank You Very Much

January 9, 2012 / Posted by:

Since Dlisted has turned into Beylisted today, here’s a final one to tip you over and pour you out. Releasing a new song featuring Blue Ivy’s wailing debut (Side note: The song has already gone quadruple platinum and is a frontrunner for the Nobel Peace Prize) wasn’t enough for Beyonce and Jay-Z, so they have thrown themselves on top of the media again and released a statement. Beyonce wants to put a shush on the rumor that she had a scheduled C-section and says in the statement that a chocha did burst open for the reincarnation of Jesus.

“We are happy to announce the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, born on Saturday, January 7, 2012. Her birth was emotional and extremely peaceful – we are in heaven. She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs. It was the best experience of both of our lives. We are thankful to everyone for all your prayers, well wishes, love and support.”

Meanwhile, Lenox Hill gave birth to their own statement that answered to the rumor that Beyonce and Jay-Z paid them $1.3 million to redecorate and shut down an entire wing.

“The suggestion that the couple paid $1.3 million to rent an entire maternity floor is simply not true. The family is housed in an executive suite at the hospital and is being billed the standard rate for those accommodations.

The family does have its own security detail on site. However, the hospital has been and continues to be in control of managing all security at the facility. We have made every effort to ensure minimal disruption to other families experiencing the births of their own children over the past three days.”

And the rep went on, “And the $1.3 million the Carters DID NOT give us DID NOT go toward naming a wing on the sixth floor after their child. That “The Blue Ivy Wing” sign made out of diamonds and platinum the workers are currently putting up on the sixth floor has nothing to do with Blue Ivy Carter. The Goddess of Childbirth’s real name is Blue Ivy, or some shit. So don’t even ask!”

Meanwhile, as the Three Kings deliver trunks full of jewels to Blue Ivy, Basement Baby used her last dollar to buy a Baby Ruth from the waiting room vending machine and it got stuck. Basement Baby is still in the basement even when she’s on the sixth floor. #solangeshrug

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