Beyonce Wants You To Know That Blue Ivy Came Out Naturally, Thank You Very Much
Since Dlisted has turned into Beylisted today, here's a final one to tip you over and pour you out. Releasing a new song featuring Blue Ivy's wailing debut (Side note: The song has already gone quadruple platinum and is a frontrunner for the Nobel Peace Prize) wasn't enough for Beyonce and Jay-Z, so they have thrown themselves on top of the media again and released a statement. Beyonce wants to put a shush on the rumor that she had a scheduled C-section and says in the statement that a chocha did burst open for the reincarnation of Jesus.
"We are happy to announce the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, born on Saturday, January 7, 2012. Her birth was emotional and extremely peaceful – we are in heaven. She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs. It was the best experience of both of our lives. We are thankful to everyone for all your prayers, well wishes, love and support."
Meanwhile, Lenox Hill gave birth to their own statement that answered to the rumor that Beyonce and Jay-Z paid them $1.3 million to redecorate and shut down an entire wing.
"The suggestion that the couple paid $1.3 million to rent an entire maternity floor is simply not true. The family is housed in an executive suite at the hospital and is being billed the standard rate for those accommodations.The family does have its own security detail on site. However, the hospital has been and continues to be in control of managing all security at the facility. We have made every effort to ensure minimal disruption to other families experiencing the births of their own children over the past three days."
And the rep went on, "And the $1.3 million the Carters DID NOT give us DID NOT go toward naming a wing on the sixth floor after their child. That "The Blue Ivy Wing" sign made out of diamonds and platinum the workers are currently putting up on the sixth floor has nothing to do with Blue Ivy Carter. The Goddess of Childbirth's real name is Blue Ivy, or some shit. So don't even ask!"
Meanwhile, as the Three Kings deliver trunks full of jewels to Blue Ivy, Basement Baby used her last dollar to buy a Baby Ruth from the waiting room vending machine and it got stuck. Basement Baby is still in the basement even when she's on the sixth floor. #solangeshrug
These two are unbelievable. I just realized - the baby's birthday IS a FOUR in numerology!!! January 7, 2012 (interesting that they spell out the full date, including year .. ) = 01, 7, 2012 = 1+7+2+0+1+2 = 13, 1+3 = FOUR. These lying f+cktards paid the surrogate's c-section to be a f*cking 4 afterall ...
dam why do they think they are the prez and first lady....gift of music should not warp the mind....
Because this child looks exactly like Jay-Z she will eventually change her name to Icy Blue after her sex change operation and become the first transsexual male skater to win the Olympics.
"around here most moms leave within 24 hours depending on insurance and most moms are even eager to just leave as soon as possible"
Then those moms are crazy. With each child, I begged for more and more time in the hospital - like I want to go home and deal with that nonsense on my own?
In all seriousness, though, I hope that Beyonce did birth this baby and that the process makes her understand that any inconvenience, delay, whatever she caused for other parents is completely unforgivable. There's a lot of stuff I didn't quite appreciate until I went through the process myself, i.e. maternity nurses (fucking SAINTS).
Sadly, though, Beyonce likely didn't birth this baby and will have no frigging clue what her self-centered ass put those other parents through because she wasn't the asshole with her vajay torn in two.
Sarah Smile
Why do I find this so interesting? What is wrong with me?
To comfort myself after reading this post, I fantasized about "Blueballs Poison Ivy" growing up to look just like Daddy!
Peeyonce & joe camel are a pair of arrogant fucks. The less seen of them, the better...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
I'm still not convinced she was ever pregnant
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
If she had committed to the pillow harder, she coulda pulled off this fucktardery. Lazy betch.
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
Meat Loaf was in the middle of a show when his knees suddenly hit the stage floor like a narcoleptic bat out of hell ~MK
The baby may have come out naturally but not from her. No pictures have been released of her Very pregnant. She was supposedly VERY pregnant in heels and dancing last week but no pics. Her folding/collpasing belly in that interview cant be denied. There was a swim suit pic of her though early on..and in a 2 piece. That is the only evidence I have seen that she may have carried the baby herself. Also the fact security was so tight...I mean really nobody gives a crap about her baby...I am wondering if the over the top security was to cover up a surrogate. When I was 9 months pregnant with both of my kids, I was HUGE. I did go to a Duran Duran concert 8 1/2 months pregnant and I looked awful!
First, please don't tell me this bitch has moved on to 7's now. The two of them are more number obsessed than sesame street.
Second, I've had babies & this is such BS. When that new video came out I thought that she looked awfully not preg in most of it. If she had really been preg she would have kept it secret like her wedding-at least until it was woefully obvious (ala Jess Simpleton). Most people would have been supportive if they had been honest but no one likes being lied to, even about something like this. People may have liked them more for being human.
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Kiss Kiss, BetterThanYoMama
So the news reported this morning the reason for her name is because Jay Z's most grammy winning album is "Blue"print and Ivy comes from IV (the number 4), Bey's favorite number. *RALPH*
I'm sure it was Goop Approved.
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
Surrogate, surrogate, surrogate. That is all.
Fake ass motherfakers!!!
<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!
Wow!
Does everyone here remember the blind item that said that the surrogate would have the baby via c-section, but "mama" would say she had the baby naturally????
That blind item has hit every point BEFORE she had her baby.
Just wow.
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All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
@jazzfish- ITA. The other mother was right, the covered cameras put the safety of the other children at risk. I love how the hospital completely blows off the other parents by saying, "Well we've received no formal complaint.". Oh I guess it never happened then! Jackasses.
ensure minimal disruption to other families ?
How about NO FUCKING DISRUPTION to other families. If they can afford to be in a secluded area - then they should have NO problem running into other families.
This hospital sounds like a bunch of ballbags!
And if the media talks about this new "song" one more time ... I'll throw the TV threw the window. WHO GIVES A FUCK! When Stevie Wonder wrote a song about his daughter - it was beautiful . This, NOT SO MUCH.
Btw, what is up with Jay-Z's abnormally large hands? They both look like snotty twats in that photo.
Phony, conceited, contrived – Beyond-saay and gaaay-z have ALWAYS been that way with marginal talent at best. They needed this baby to keep the lame train going.
The more I read about how the other patients were treated the more I hate Jay-Z, Beyonce and their butt-ugly baby Anus Blue. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/10/nyregion/after-birth-by-beyonce-patien...
An just because I loves you all:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LHjxuv7Rzg&feature=related
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"Oh no, no, no, sweet baby. They're gonna eat you alive in Hollywood. Oh you're definitely going to end up doing gay porn with this tiny little body of yours" -Sweet Dee
I bet Jay-Z isn't even the baby daddy because that's one ugly mother fucker. Inheriting those genes is a chance I couldn't see Bay ever taking.
Found this one. No way that bitch was pregnant. NO FUCKING WAY.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LHjxuv7Rzg&feature=related
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
That video of her getting into that SUV... if that really was a few days ago... that kind of proves it was fake.
Ha Ha Ha Ha. as usual.
But don't blame NS-LIJ because they decided they HAD TO have their child at Lenox Hill. It has more to do with the 'History' of it being the hospital of the 'Stars'. God forbid their child have anything less in their background.
NS-LIJ is an above the fray institution that plays by the book. That is why it is the leader among Northeast Health Systems.
It just hits home to see all this nonsense and gossip get out of hand. Now I can see how ridiculous the media can get, and how much 'storytelling' there really is going on. The line between fantasy and reality has become invisible and people will apparently BELIEVE ANYTHING.
I guess she had a "natural" birth to explain why she doesn't have a c-section scar because you know c-sections are all the rage in Hollyweird.
I want to see Blue Ivy's long form birth certificate.
Natural birth VIA a surrogate's vajay....not her own!!!! Liar mouf.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by honeychile on Tue, 01/10/2012 - 3:51am.
okay so this video was taken of beyonce bouncing into an suv BEFORE the "birth" bitch ain't nobody's 10 months pregnant! it was a stunt from the very beginning! don't make no damn sense. I wanna see the receipts!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw339zD8aqE
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That video is a dead giveaway that BeYAWNce and Camel-Toe-Joe had a surrogate. The uncomfortable, form fitting jeans, the way she hops into the car, etc make it pretty obvious that she's lie-tellin' again. As fake as fake can be in every way (singing, hair, skin, nose, butt, boobs, whatever else).
Given that she's a thick girl (and has to work hard for that figure), she would have probably ballooned up if she was pregnant. That video shows skinny thighs, a small stomach, etc. and she's supposed to be 9 months? Halle Berry has a small frame and her stomach was HUGE at 9 months.
For Beyawnce's baby to be 7 lbs . . . she couldn't have been that small, even if she was carrying "all baby" and had not gained any weight.
Dear MichaelK,
If I see one more fucking post about Beyonce, JayZ and Blue Ivy, I am going to quit you.
T
One of the definitions of "not end well" in the dictionary of truth is: "crackhead leading a crackhead to Mexico..." MK--8/20/11
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 10:56pm.
I remember watching a video on ebaumsworld (remember that shit?) of a couple that sauteed the woman's placenta with onions and garlic.
That's some straight up Hannibal Lecter shit.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Look at these two taking the oath swearing their commitment to being useless, untalented, entitled assholes.
ENOUGH WITH THESE TWO FUCKSTICKS ALREADY!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Great photo. Are they giving us their Royal Wave or is that just them wafting their farts at us to prove their shit don't stink?
Wouldn't be the first fucking time hospital administration lied through their teeth. I'd believe some random guy with no reason to lie over a bunch of greedy mother fuckers sucking on Beowulf's teets anyday.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
okay so this video was taken of beyonce bouncing into an suv BEFORE the "birth" bitch ain't nobody's 10 months pregnant! it was a stunt from the very beginning! don't make no damn sense. I wanna see the receipts!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw339zD8aqE
okay. these bitches have officially jumped the damn shark! this is an entire fool! this is a hot ass mess! i cannot partake in the likes of such fuckery.
Ahhh another asshole for the world to deal with.
I'm sick of the arrogance of these two. I doubt that they really had a child emerge out of her vagina, but even if they did, who cares? These two are icky. Can we get back to the elegance of Courtney Stodden and Empress of Lucite,please??
Okay, enough posts now about these narcissistic dish rags!
K...I don't know if Beowulf actually gave birth but her spawn is half camel. Half camel people. The nose and the hooves, there's no surgery for that. LoL bitch...yo baby is ugly.
Anyone else surprised they didn't induce labor early so said baby could be born on Christmas day? "It's a sign! She's the second coming! Hail the messiah!"
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Beyonce has 'Hillary Clinton legs', that is...like tree stumps?
I must tip my hat to these two imbeciles: they have managed to make Mariah Carey's blessed event seem quaint by comparison.
Arrogant fucks...
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...the end
What the fuck? Is Bey really that lame? Did she really rent out an entire floor of a hospital? Why not just have it at home? Midwife?
Submitted by not shocked on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 10:47pm.
Um, I know a lot of regular women who have miscarried but didn't go on bed rest with their next pregnancy.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Are these two closet Scientologists? "Peaceful birth" sounds a lot like a Scibot silent birth to me, and Bouncy certainly has the affect of a robot.
Just an observation.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 9:51pm.
Why does becoming a parent make some people lose their entire fucking mind?
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IKR? Check out this website:
http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/
It has real, anonymous submissions from parents' Twitter and Facebook accounts. Apparently the new "thing" is to take pictures of your placenta before you bake, blend, and/or eat it. WTF?
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Poor Bey looks so retarded in that picture. And JZ is still so ugly. I still can't get over those old pics of her blowing that ugly dude in a swimming pool. And what's up with that giant pinky ring on that humongous hand? When did pinky rings stop being gay? Or did they?
I'm very disappointed in you MK. This is the perfect opportunity to you the "We can all go home now" tag.
http://cdn.mediatakeout.com/53452/shock-claim-yandy-from-love-and-hip-ho...
This baby was born naturally, as most celeb babies are. It is natural for them to hire sleazy lawyers to help them find the perfect surrogate to birth a child. It is natural for them to use a shady fertility specialist who will actually hand select the most viable sperm to fertilize only the best of the eggs they have extracted from their ovaries after months of hormone therapy.
Most real pregnancies which occur after a miscarriage or conception difficulty are considered HIGH RISK and the mothers are forbidden to work out, get massages and are often given bed rest at the first and final trimester. Even surrogates are given bedrest after implantation, it's part of their job and what they are paid to do. I know from working with 2 females who got into the baby baking business.