The Golden Child Of A Million Halos Is Blinding Us With Her Greatness Today
The sound of a South American surrogate screeching out the words "Poner la epidural en él!!!" (Note: Shit translation provided by Google) followed by the faint sound of velcro ripping off was heard around the air space of Lenox Hill in NYC last night when the rightful heir to the House of Derriere throne was born. Yes, that is the reason why your lacefront floated off of your head last night before quickly falling to the floor like it was bowing. It was paying homage to its new Yaki Savior!
The entire Internet prepared for the golden age after the likes or RiRi, Auntie Basement Baby and Russell Simmons Tweeted the birth of Beyonce and Jay-Z's first child, a daughter. Beyonce and Jay-Z have kept their lips shut about this, because they like to confirm shit the real STUNT QUEEN way. You will really know that the golden child here is when Beyonce opens the Grammys next month by riding in on adorned camel (Jay-Z) and placing her daughter in a manger made of golden weaves as back-up dancers dressed like slutty farm animals do the Single Ladies dance around them.
As for the name, E! News has come up with Blue Ivy and UsWeekly says it's Ivy Blue (cut to LeAnn Rimes in a bikini neighing out the words, "Did somebody say Bluuuuuuuu-ooooh-ooh?". I know both of those names sound like the name of an Eastern European porn star who is trying to make it in the US, but it has REAL meaning! Beyonce and Jay-Z slobber all over the number 4. They were both born on the 4th and they were married on the 4th. IV = 4. (Sidenote: That surrogate is never going to surrogate in this town AGAIN, because bitch was supposed to push out Baby Blue Ivy on the 4th. BABY OVEN FAIL!)
And even though Beyonce and Jay-Z rented out the entire fourth floor of Lenox Hill, forced all employees to hand over their cell phones and taped over the security cameras to keep hos from getting a picture of the new Jesus, Dlisted managed to get an EXCLUSIVE first look at Blue Ivy:
No, no. Princess Blue Ivy will make her picture debut on the cover of a limited-edition version of the Bible. (The cover of People Magazine is for peons.) Check your local pew!
"Beyonce" is taken from her mother's maiden name "Beyince."
I am...doll parts...bad skin...doll heart.
Bobbi Cristina silently weeps as she passes along the crown
Blue Waffle?
______________________________________________
McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Blue Ivy? This has GOOPY written all over it. GROSS! Sounds like something Prince would name his pet Pterodactyl.
There is a special line at the entrance to Hell for people who laugh at children crying, so I will see you there. 12/9/11- MK
Submitted by jsanto24 on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 10:13pm.
To anyone who thought I was lying about the hospital please follow the link below. The father was having a hard time getting too see the babies. I'm just repeating what I was told.
http://m.nypost.com/;s=om5R9DzSbGODHF5YW3guS02/f/mobile/news/local/manha...
********************************
I was just going to come on here and post a link that I found proving that you were telling the truth. Soon as they mentioned twins I knew something sounded familiar.
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/09/security-measures-for-be...
I was hoping that you were just exaggerating, but apparently not. Unbelievable that two people can be so full of themselves as to completely shut down an entire hospital floor is beyond stupid and inconsiderate.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
OK, so now the word on the streets is that it is Blue Ivy?
Ivy Blue I could tolerate, but this shit?
This shit?!
There is no amount of marketing that can convince me that this is anything other than all out fuckery on the part of all involved.
As far as I am concerned the name Beyonce is just a ghetto-ass name that 'hit' instead of 'missed'
WTF is a Beyonce?
Seriously.
That is all.
***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Ivy Blue Carter sounds wrong.... sooo wrong. Think about it. Kids gonna be teased about the worst stuff. You can't buy integrity. Oh well...
Who cares. She's a dimwitted thick thighed manufactured singer; he's an ex-drug dealer who's very proud of how he got 13 year old kids to be part of his drug selling operation & will tell anyone about it at the drop of a hat. They're a pair of dumbasses with absolutely no redeeming characteristics; fuck 'em...
--------------------------------------------
"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
It's still a dumb fucking name. That is all
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"If I had a gun, I'd shoot a hole into the sun, and love would burn this city down for you. If I had the time, I'd stop the world and make you mine,and everyday would stay the same with you."
Submitted by LaChaylo on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 10:48pm.
Submitted by warmjuice on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 2:56pm.
Blue Ivy? Could it get more ghetto?
---
REALLY?
Blue Ivy may sound stupid, but it is not ghetto.
One of my pet peeves on the D is the way people use the word ghetto. I doubt it would be used if Blue Ivy was the name of Brangie's new child army recruit. Hos, please learn another fucking word.
=======
Exactly, La Chaylo.
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 9:00pm.
Blue Ivy? Shoulda named it Blue Waffle.
****************************
Hahahahaha!
***************************
Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Blue Ivy is not a ghetto name. AT ALL. Maybe if she had named her Shaquindiamondaliyah. I do think the inspiration for the name is ridiculous.
**************************************
Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Dbl post....durrr
====================
Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
My daughter was in the NICU with aspiration pneumonia for a week after her birth I can absolutely guarantee, NO ONE would have kept me from going in to see my baby girl! They would have had to have me arrested if it came to that!!
Fuck all that bullshit! Especially after I had waddled my hurting, episiotomied (I'm sure that isn't a word, but what the hell) ass all the way over there! Oh helllllz no!!!!!!!!!1
The only time parents were told they couldn't come in was when they were expecting an admit, or already admitting a new little one. =( so many teeny tiny little ones in there! Then you come to my babies bed and there's this full-term, almost 9 pounder. Taking up almost the whole little bed. Lol. Saw a lot of head turns when other parents would walk around, looking at all of the other babies!
She pulled her first attitude while there as well. I guess the young man beside her snored horribly. She threw a fit, they moved him, and she slept peacefully for the rest of the night! Lol. Thatsa' .my girl!!! =p
====================
Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
NY Post:
The baby is reportedly named for her dad’s album, “Blueprint” and her mom’s favorite number, 4 -- represented by the Roman numeral IV , or “Ivy.”
---------------------
That's not ghetto? Perhaps not up there with the 'Neveahs', 'Jayden/Kayden/Brayden/Haydens', 'Mackenzies', et. al.
I can't even think of a celeb kid with a classic, refined name anyway.
One of my pet peeves on the D is the way people use the word ghetto. I doubt it would be used if Blue Ivy was the name of Brangie's new child army recruit. Hos, please learn another fucking word.
whaat?
I hate that pig in the geico comercial
Submitted by warmjuice on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 2:56pm.
Blue Ivy? Could it get more ghetto?
---
REALLY?
Blue Ivy may sound stupid, but it is not ghetto.
One of my pet peeves on the D is the way people use the word ghetto. I doubt it would be used if Blue Ivy was the name of Brangie's new child army recruit. Hos, please learn another fucking word.
Submitted by warmjuice on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 2:56pm.
Blue Ivy? Could it get more ghetto?
Yes they could have called it Pink Taco'
This fake pregnancy story with pay doctors to agree to this sounds like something that would happen in a telenovela lol. Only the best telenovelas have this plot line lol.
coca, they just used a woman to carry B's fertilized egg. Jay Z is still the Dad.
***********************************************
I apologize for not being a hardcore junkie or an alcoholic.
To anyone who thought I was lying about the hospital please follow the link below. The father was having a hard time getting too see the babies. I'm just repeating what I was told.
http://m.nypost.com/;s=om5R9DzSbGODHF5YW3guS02/f/mobile/news/local/manha...
********************************
*Beauty fades, but bitchiness gets better with age!* - MK
Congrats Jay and Bey!
If they were using surrogates I hope they included a good looking surrogate father because there isn't a woman beautiful enough to dominate Jay-Z's fugly gene.
Blue Ivy? Shoulda named it Blue Waffle.
I agree Echo these two pompous asses should have gone to a private birthing center with a surgical area. No need to go off roping off floors of a busy city hospital.
A story just crossed in Daily News that a father was not able to get to his twins.
=========
Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Nice. They tape up the security cameras so these two twats can have privacy. What if someone were to steal a baby that didn't belong to these two fools (and no one had footage of the perpetrator)? America is ridiculous. If privacy was so important, why not pay a team of doctors to deliver the baby in one of your million dollar homes?
Why are people so mean? I'm happy for these two. Congratulations Jay and Beyake! Enjoy your new baby. Don't forget to put socks on her hooves and cover her face. It's winter. Cover the face.
Their body language shows a brother sister type relationship.
You can better to see Pillow Mama, make an appearance at the Grammy's next month. The press will go crazy about how slender she is only 4 weeks after giving birth. Then watch them hand her a Grammy for that shitty 'we like to party song,' because the Grammy's wants the ratings. Although Kelly Rowland is more deserving.
If they weren't so focused on the Number 4, they'd realize they just gave the world
BIC.
So much for media savvy.
Submitted by KidL on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 9:26am.
Blue Ivy sounds like the name of a stripper.
-------------------------------------------
*whispers* Ivy is my stripper name!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Numerologically speaking, wouldn't Ivy's number be 5 (1+8+2+1+2)?I could not really care any less, though. I used to babysit a little girl named Ivy. My brother and I used to call her Poison Ivy because she was such an obnoxious brat, as I am sure our Little Miss Carter will be.
if they were really into the whole four thing they would have named it ivy green. green is the fourth colour (ROY G BIV) in the rainbow. but blue only has four letters. so they might be going somewhere with this. also the baby is born on the eighth and has two parents. 8 divided by 2 is four. this was all planned.
Ivy Blue's numerological value: 9+22+25+2+12+21+5=96; 9+6=15; 1+5=6. 6 is not a 4.
Oh, and yeah, she'll totally look like HIM! Hahah
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
"Princess Blue Ivy will make her picture debut on the cover of a limited-edition version of the Bible." -- MK, Word!
Can you imagine if she *actually* gave birth? WRROARRR! Get that ma'facken' doctor in here NOW!!! WRROARRR! AAAAHHH! WRROARRR!
Hehsus! Too much self-importance and drama with these two clowns! I'd wish them luck but they don't need it... grumble... grumble...
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
They better hope the kid looks like Bouncy. Jay Z would make an ugly chick.
_______________________________________________
Dale Doback: Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
Why do we even believe this? Bitch is probably at home with servants tending to Blue Throw Pillow's every need. If we shouldn't believe some of it, we probably shouldn't believe any of it.
Blue Ivy? Could it get more ghetto?
KeyonMack is so wrong for this:
BEYONCE'S DEMON CHILD:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Q35t1TC7j18
Submitted by BabyJane on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 2:33pm.
Hospitals are for profit organizations, if you "donate" enough money, they will do whatever you want them to do. I believe no hospital staff will ever leak this baby's birth story because there was no baby born there to begin with. The hospital played along with this charade for pay.
****************************************************
See heres the thing as long as there are no HIPAA or TJC/JCAHO violations wherever the fuckery is going down, it will probably be allowed to take place. I have seen entire triage areas be cleared except for "fixin to die" cases so a minor celebrity can have their chest pains evaluated. Sad but true.
Hospitals are for profit organizations, if you "donate" enough money, they will do whatever you want them to do. I believe no hospital staff will ever leak this baby's birth story because there was no baby born there to begin with. The hospital played along with this charade for pay.
********************************************
I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
Y'all betta shuddup before that swamp bitch/creole witch Tina does some kinda Voodoun/Santeria/Yoruba/Palo/Candomble trabajo shit on you!!! Leave the new 33rd Degree Prince Hall Eastern Star Illuminati Princess alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Born via a surrugate - Bonnie Blue Butler in a black version of Gone with the Wind......Bey don't know nothin bout birthin babies
Blue is also a 4 letter word (and also liar is a 4 letter word too!)
Yay numerology!
IV is the roman numeral for 4.
1+7+2+0+1+2=13. 1+3=4
so the IV is in Ivy and the birthday is a numerolgy 4.
I'm a 7 in every way possible, but it was God given, it wasn't chosen for me. my birthday is 7/7/1964, which is a 7 in numerology.
Sad state we are in when people give a fuck about the birth of a baby by two half assed singers. YES, half assed.
Where do they get the idea that they are so special they need to have people hand over cell phones, sign confidentiality agreements etc. If they tried that shit with me, I would quit that bitch hospital (yes, even in this economy) and tell them to go fuck their self important, triflin' selves.
Didn't the UK Daily Mail report that it was born last week? I'm smelling way to much bs here and I think it's only the beginnning.
That's gonna be a helluva fight one day
"Don't tell me what to do, you're not my REAL mom!"