The End Of Gappy & Depp Might Be Near

January 6, 2012 / Posted by:

Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp’s 14 year long relationship has lived through a movie shoot with St. Angie Jolie, dick wandering rumors and his various degrees of hotness, so every whore expected them to last forever. Well, I guess forever in Hollywood years is 14, because Radar is putting all their chips on Vanessa and Johnny joining the Another One Bites A Dust Club of 2012. Their source is trying to say that the love between VaJohnny is slipping away the same way a ho does when they walk behind Johnny as he shakes out the greasy mop of oily locks on his head.

The source’s story is that Vanessa and Johnny are verbally brawling all the time and he’s pretty much over it. The source puts it like this: “Johnny isn’t handling anything well right now. People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now. Their relationship is heading toward the end. Johnny has started reaching out to lawyers, probably to quietly discuss how to get out of the relationship. They’re not married but they’ve been together for years and have kids together so it isn’t as easy as just breaking up.”

Johnny is a drunk doucheweasel sometimes (who isn’t?) and his mouth diarrheas up the stupid on a regular basis (whose mouth doesn’t?), but I’m still going to snort all of this up with a grain of salt. Like I said above, Johnny’s relationship survived through the home-killing tornado that whirls out of St. Angie’s hypnotic vagina. If Johnny and Vanessa can survive that, they can survive anything. So yeah, VaJohnny is going to last till the end of eternity. Oh wait. I think I’m getting Johnny’s true loves mixed up again. What I really meant to type is that Johnny and Tim Burton’s love is going to last till the end of eternity. There, that’s better.

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