Chaz Bono Is Saving Up For A Peen
Chaz Bono's former fiancee wasn't looking forward to putting her mouth over a peen instead of a poon, but now that she's gone he can freely chase after his dick-getting dreams. But first, Chaz has to fill his peen fund with enough dollars to pay for the surgery. Chaz tells Rolling Stone that he's already picked out a doctor in Belgrade and all he needs is around $45,000 to take his down low parts from clit to cock. Chaz broke it down, and yes, my eyeballs bungeed out of their sockets and hit the screen after I read that his shiny new dick could be Tommy Lee-sized.
"I could get a phalloplasty, which builds the phallus from a donor site on your body," he says straightforwardly, "but I'm leaning more toward a metoidioplasty. It's a procedure that uses what you already have down there" – he means his clitoris – "which has grown larger from the testosterone. You end up with a smaller phallus than with the phalloplasty, but it's fully functional, it gets erect, and the sensation is all there."Does he know how big it's going to be?
He frowns. "You know, I don't really. I mean, I've never seen one erect. So it's really hard to say. But, you know, soft, probably about three inches, and it grows considerably. I don't know what the average size difference is, but when I'm having sex I probably get three or four times larger." He pauses. "I was in a fairly typical heterosexual relationship, which caused some militant members of the queer community to think I'm reinforcing stereotypes or whatever. Anyway, I think Jen wished I wouldn't get the bottom done, but she understood my need to." He shrugs. "You have to understand, though, for me the life transformation has already happened."
I don't know if it was Chaz or another transman who said that he wasn't touching his bottom area yet, because the recovery from the surgery is as painful as getting fucked in the pee hole with a hot screw and the dick doesn't even work that well anyway.
I read a while ago that some new dicks can only get fully erect with the help of a pump. That would kind of suck. You're like, "Get ready, bitch, this rock hard fat dick is going to fuck you into another religion! Hold onto your nipples cause they're gonna pop off from the fuck quake I'm about to hit you with. We're going to break the Richter Scale tonight! Are you ready? Oh wait, can you grab that bike pump out of the closet..." (<---- That's pretty much the dialogue heard in Hugh Hefner's room every night.) But I'm glad to hear from Chaz that this doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I'm also glad to hear that Chaz's peen will be able to grow naturally and then some!
I mean, it's been a while since I've failed grade school math, but three times four equals twelve, right? Chaz can get himself a 12 inch salchicha dick? Chaz says that he will never ask Cher for the money since he wants to do this own his own, but I say, STOP IT! When it comes to getting a 12-inch dick, all pride for independence should fly out of the window. Just get that 12-inch dick, Chaz! Seriously, if Chaz gets hit by a bus tomorrow, wouldn't he want to be hit while having a 12-inch dick? I don't even see Chaz's lips moving and I can tell that he's fighting to say the word YAAAASSSSS!
Hell, Cher is so rich that she can buy everyone a 12 incher. She could be like the Oprah of 12-inch dicks. You get a 12-inch dick and you get a 12-inch dick! I'll take one. My arm is getting so tired from hitting the snooze button 50 times every morning, so it would be nice to be able to hit that button with my new 1 footer.
And Google tells me that Chaz will still have an orgasm, but won't be able to ejaculate. Those surgeons should try to fix that problem. Can't they install jizz sacks down? Flavored ones? That would really be the best and I'd get that. Can you imagine if you had flavored jizz? That would be a priceless pick-up tool. Think about it. You're at the cream bar at Starbucks when some hot piece mutters to himself, "Ugh, they're out of hazelnut." You wink inside knowing you've got this, grab his cup and fiddle with a few knobs on your nutsack before you quickly shoot out a stream of hazelnut deliciousness. That would be a beautiful story to tell everyone on your wedding day.
(Image via Out Magazine)
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Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:02am.
You just gave me a horrible John Bobbit image of Dr. Frankenstein leaning over a freshly sewn on penis and yelling, "It's ALIVE! It's ALIVE! My creation is ALIVE!"
Thanks a lot, fucker.
Why has Chaz not addressed the elephant in the room---HIS MORBID OBESITY!! He looks like he swallowed two watermelons for Christ sakes. Unless he gets a penis longer than that belly sex will be impossible anyway.
MK you came back from vaca on FIYAH!
LMAO "You get a 12-inch dick and you get a 12-inch dick!"
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
They've done the clit modification a couple of times on Dr 90210. The new peen isn't very big.
OURMISSCunt - per the inimitable suckandfuck, 12-23-11.
Oh, FFS! Just stop already! Why do you think anyone cares what you're doing? You are NOT a role model to transgenders. You're a joke.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by sweet_b on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:57am.
You took the words right outta my keyboard. MK perfection!
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
Chyna's clit-peen comes to mind.
Would Chaz even be able to see it over that gut? I think not.
I'm not a lesbian, but I would be pretty damn pissed if I was one and my girl chopped off her boobs and then wanted to switch from pussy to micro-dick.
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
I don't even know where to begin with this fuckery, the imagery caused by that entire conversation has somewhat fried my brain cells. They have a phallus DONOR bank, you open a drawer and it looks like a collection of Dlist sluts top bedside drawer? WTF kind of Frankenstein shit IS this?
I can't even imagine what her ginny looks like now or what her "peen" will look like after and
for once in my life I really honestly don't want to know.
"Get ready, bitch, this rock hard fat dick is going to fuck you into another religion!"
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
No matter how big a dick he gets he still won't be able to see it with that belly.
Oh, if only it tasted as hazelnut....
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
Meat Loaf was in the middle of a show when his knees suddenly hit the stage floor like a narcoleptic bat out of hell ~MK
Jesus, that was WAY too much information.
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My "give a fuck" is still broken but my "go fuck yourself" is fully functional.
Holy Christ pissing on Santa, when is the baby due?
Bitch you pregnant!
Put your shirt back on for like forever. Thank you. *reads post*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:54am.
S/He'd better shed some pounds off if he/she wants to live.
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AGREED!
this fat bitch needs to keep her fucking shirt on. gross. GROSS. chaz should have addressed her biggest issue first - FOOD!!!!!! fat slob.
Disgusting fuck freak. I can't handle that. The only difference between Chaz and Jocelyn Wildenstein is the type of plastic surgery they chose to have done. Otherwise, it is all vanity.
Michael K you slay me....
"You're at the cream bar at Starbucks when some hot piece mutters to himself, "Ugh, they're out of hazelnut." You wink inside knowing you've got this, grab his cup and fiddle with a few knobs on your nutsack before you quickly shoot out a stream of hazelnut deliciousness"
That might be the funniest thing I've ever read
Pregnant dude 2.0
Chaz Bono is gross. There, I said it.
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Douchechill!
vom
S/He'd better shed some pounds off if he/she wants to live.
FUCCCCKK QUAKKKEEeE
RRRUMMBLLLLEEEE RUMMMBLLEE RRRUUMMBLLEE
anyway so what its a big ass clit and that is no penis, that is a lot of money for a big fat clit but maybe it will look hot so idk my bff jill, I hope Chaz does porn with Buck Angel after he gets the titanic clit installed.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.