Open Post: Hosted By Fauxgelina
This is from the medieval days of 2009, but I'm posting it as a service message to third world orphans who are waiting for the moment that St. Angie Jolie will whisk into their jungle and take them away to her French chateau where they'll spend most of their days being driven around in a sidecar by Brad Pitt. There are fake St. Angie Jolies out there who won't whisk your third world orphan ass off to France. Don't let them fool you! Case in point: Meet Lina Sanz, a Spanish actress who wants to work as an Angie Jolie impersonator. Does she look like the saintly one? Yeah. But Lina is missing a mutant vein on her forehead and I don't have the sudden urge to stuff half of Claim Jumper's menu into her hunger hole. Lina should work on that.
And was all that "Oh, put your hair down..." and "You look very very nice" from the casting lady really necessary. This shit is a "Take your top off" away from being Coco's audition scene in Fame.
via Buzzfeed
@UBF
Thank you for playing postal pigeon! I'm glad to know that Cappy is warming up to the sunny side of life again.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Submitted by Arlene Machiavelli on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:59am.
@Bjork
It wasn't bad. Lots of sleeping, eating, fucking, drinking and blunts! Man if I was a rich girl and didn't have to work...
Got to report back to the cubicle Monday :(
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Sounds like you had fun, though, so yes, returning is a drag. But, Monday? Arlene, it's Friday, you still have the weekend!
I wonder what people here would do if they won the $30 million dollar lotto (well, about $15 million after taxes).
I'd pay off my debt, buy my family shit and set up trusts, help out some friends and take my besties shopping and then, after being so responsible and thoughtful, I would buy some Redman weed, a big-ass bag of Purple Kush mixed with some GC Trainwreck. I'm rich now, I can bags of all kinds! For medicinal purposes, of course.
Submitted by Satan on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:42am.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:33am.
Someone who tells a person to kill themselves here suddenly becomes all sanctimonious and chuffed over someone who was having a really bad night?
Really, Dog?
You're so full of pooch doo doo.
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I think I might have found a new friend because I'd rather suffer the smell of sulfur than bullshit.
@Bjork
It wasn't bad. Lots of sleeping, eating, fucking, drinking and blunts! Man if I was a rich girl and didn't have to work...
Got to report back to the cubicle Monday :(
Glad to hear Cap is ok. Those warnings/notes are serious.
Gonna go grab a latte ttfn :)
No "WHOO HOOs"
"HAIL SATAN" only.
>:D
Submitted by Satan on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:48am.
Woo Hoo!! good to know!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:45am.
Your bench is always warm when you're on my team, Jack.
Submitted by Satan on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:42am
Hi there! you keepin my seat warm down there??
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:33am.
Someone who tells a person to kill themselves here suddenly becomes all sanctimonious and chuffed over someone who was having a really bad night?
Really, Dog?
You're so full of pooch doo doo.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 5:47pm.
Submitted by mike on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 5:36pm.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 5:22pm.
Submitted by Andrei on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 5:17pm.
Do y'all think it'd be ok if i didn't wear bras? I am a small A cup anyway. Just wondering!
^^^^^^^^^^
I'd overwhelm you! I got D cuperooneys.
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As jack would say, we need photographic evidence :)
^^^^^^^^^^
There's plenty if one knows where to take a gander.
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UH.... do tell.
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Thanks for the update, UBF, it's much appreciated.
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Point taken. I should say as rugged as I like. Too rugged and they get into 'dad' territory for me. -- Fishy, 12/29/11.
I'm very glad Cappy is okay but doing what she did and then not letting people know she was okay was dead wrong. You don't treat people that way.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 6:49am.
Just wanted to let you guys know that Cappy is ok. A D-lister talked to her on the phone.
I know some of you were just as worried as I was.
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Thank you UBF for letting us know.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 6:49am.
Good to hear. I knew she was fine since she wasn't down here with me yet (I KID). Everyone make her feel welcome to come back and that there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Submitted by ReallyReal on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 7:33am.
You do realize I was teasing you? ;)
Hi Satan and Jintess... no I'm not Angela.. she's the one who spells Kardashian with a C right? I mean I'm loony.. but not alt-personalities-have-too-much-time bat shit :)
The best part of the snippet is when Lina is asked to take down her hair. Watching her take down her hair frankly is like watching Lilo snort a pound of the good shit. I’d be willing to bet Angelina Jolie only wishes she had just as much lush and vibrant hair as this woman does. Never mind, one day in another lifetime, Angelina Jolie will be publicly confessing how much she could be a Lina Sands stand in.
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/actress-wannabe-lina-sands-is-th...
Just wanted to let you guys know that Cappy is ok. A D-lister talked to her on the phone.
I know some of you were just as worried as I was.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Arlene Machiavelli on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:35am.
Hey peeps, I just got home about midnight, getting tucked in and catching up on some bed time stories with this OP.
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Hey Arlene! Long time no see. That blows about your vacation ending. I hope you enjoyed it!
Also, I would like the say that the thought of having a Mormon president (Mitt Romney) freaks me the fuck out. Mormons believe some weird shit.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:45am.
Apparently Perry & Brand separated because he had an insatiable appetite for kinky sex.
@Undine
I thought I'd help you get sleepy by stating some obvious facts. Is it working yet?
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I'm so tired I had to read this several times before I figured out who "Perry and Brand" were. Derp moment!
IDK what she expects. She claims her style is inspired by Lolita and thinks she's going to attract men who aren't into the kink? I don't buy it. It had to be something else.
She hot tho. Her boobs are awesome.
Apparently Perry & Brand separated because he had an insatiable appetite for kinky sex.
@Undine
I thought I'd help you get sleepy by stating some obvious facts. Is it working yet?
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Submitted by Event Horizon on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 8:32pm.
Quick question. Has anyone ever went to a club alone?
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EH, are from the Southern(ish) US?
Hey peeps, I just got home about midnight, getting tucked in and catching up on some bed time stories with this OP.
Evil, I thank you ever so kindly for the tips! I hear Remy is the best and I think there are many types. Will do regarding conditioning. Any recomends? I hear Infusium 23 is ok.
To Guest,While I admire those who post pics on picture day or randomly, I would never expose my id here in the 9th circle of hell... Fuuuck no. lol
Mike that video was hilarious.
Ouch my head hurts. My extensions are so tight, my eyes look like I got asian in me.
Peace out going to bed. Tomorrow is my last day of freedom from a 2 week vacay :(
Why the fuck can't I sleep???? It fucking sucks. Second night in a row. I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday.
Has anyone heard from Cappy yet?
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
SMH haters gonna hate
Submitted by Certifed Alt on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 11:00pm.
You ran everyone off Bjork→
;)
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But not you. (wink!)
You ran everyone off Bjork→
;)
Jintess, this is the first time I hear Demi talking about her drug use. I hadn't heard her talk about it before.
Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Now where did everyone go?
ZOMG! I never thought I'd see that shaking Ass again telling bitches to behave! :O Hey there y'all! ;)
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Submitted by Sassy Ass on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 10:26pm.
Hello Bjork, Cert, Lut. Nice seeing you here. Behave bitches. :)
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And there you have it, a reunion!
Sassy Ass!
How are you?
Hello Bjork, Cert, Lut. Nice seeing you here. Behave bitches. :)
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 10:01pm.
That interviewer has an annoying voice. That girl looks like Angelina Jolie, but she looks so sedated, and whats up with her teeth? She could also double as Miley Cyrus
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HA! she so could
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Hi Eileenie! How are you? Did you quit smoking? :)
CERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-------------->
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sat, 07/23/2011 -
Is playing a cunt on the internet as satisfying as wanking into your mum's nightie? Because something tells me you'd know all about that.
God damn woman gtfo off my shit. I am not about some jizz. shit. get a life. I was just com'n here to chillax
Who's this Cappy chick? Maybe she needed to get away from all the paranoid haters on here →
Submitted by Lutrelle on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 9:52pm.
Bjork why don't you kiss both sides of my ass okay? You always trying to start shit with your stupid ass. I don't have time for a forum. I swear CTFU you got it bad for those people.
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Jizzy jizz jizz jizz... smh, too.
Next.
Did someone say forum? Why you lovely ladies gotta hate?
That interviewer has an annoying voice. That girl looks like Angelina Jolie, but she looks so sedated, and whats up with her teeth? She could also double as Miley Cyrus
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"If I had a gun, I'd shoot a hole into the sun, and love would burn this city down for you. If I had the time, I'd stop the world and make you mine,and everyday would stay the same with you."
Bjork why don't you kiss both sides of my ass okay? You always trying to start shit with your stupid ass. I don't have time for a forum. I swear CTFU you got it bad for those people.
Submitted by catwoman on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 8:05pm.
I made a bet with the guys at work. So now I have to find Amish midget porn. I'm counting on you dlisters to help me win. HELP ME FIND AMISH MIDGET PORN!
I can't help you on the midget thing, but I stumbled on an Amish themed porn that was pretty funny on YouJizz or Pornhub, I can't remember which. But the Amish girls were shaved and tattooed and seemed to take it up the ass a little too easily, so I doubt they were really Amish. It was the Farmer's Daughter, or something like that, series.
Submitted by Bjork You on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 9:05pm.
And who are you?
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*pictures Bjork as a smoked out Caterpillar*
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=QgbntWU7pG8
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
Submitted by Event Horizon on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 8:32pm.
Quick question. Has anyone ever went to a club alone?
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No, but I also don't have the type of personality to go out and meet people in a setting like that.
Submitted by Lutrelle on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 8:13pm.
And it don't make a fuck to me what all these other usernames say. Smdh. #realtalk. I come by when I think about it. I don't have time to spend 7 hours a day here
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Really.
I bet you miss the Forum.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 8:38pm.
Event Horizon:
Yes.
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Me, too.
Submitted by Satan on Thu, 01/05/2012 - 7:50pm.
Lutrelle! Could you clear something up? Are you or are you not Sherry or Jizzball from the ebil forum?
I'm not trying to stir shit up, just trying to clarify shit so you don't keep getting hammered with that accusation.
Truth is your best weapon. Use it wisely.
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And who are you?
Has anyone talked to Cappy?!!?
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-