A Knocked Up Angie Jolie Walks Out On Brad Pitt For Knocking Up Jennifer Aniston
The Brangie/Aniston fan fiction written in tabloids has officially swirled into a hyperbole of hot-blooded fuckery and sluts just don't give a fuck anymore. They will splatter anything on their pages.
Remember that story about how Sue Mengers advised Jennifer Aniston to get Brad Pitt's sperm when he dropped her for Angie Jolie? I just knew that one of the tabloids would spin it into something truly fucktastic and they didn't let me down. Star stepped up and spun out this tragic tale of how Angie temporarily left Brad after finding out that he once made a baby with Jennifer Aniston. It all started when Angie asked Brad about the Sue Mengers story and he tried to deny it, but later he admitted that Jen got pregnant for a second in 2004 and quickly miscarried. Angie had a skeleton fit, because she wants to be the only one with ovaries touched by Brad's sperm. Basically, Angie has a greedy uterus. The source (aka an intern with a creative writing degree who was drunk on fermented fruitcake at the time) said this:
“He had never told Angie this before. She had assumed all along that she was the only woman Brad had ever impregnated. Now Angie is questioning everything, including whether she can ever trust Brad again.Brad doesn’t tell Angie everything, especially when it comes to Jen. The mention of Jen makes Angie completely irrational. But he never imagined this would infuriate Angie to the extent that it has. Now it could spell the end of them forever.”
If this story was translated into Spanish and you sprinkled a few "lárgates" on it, you'd have the script for the best novella ever. But it gets better. The National Enquirer says that you're about to see the image of a knocked up saintly skeleton, because Angie has a 3-month-old fetus in her ethereal womb.
In a startling development, the screen sexpot and papa Brad Pitt are getting the best New Year’s present of all – a surprise pregnancy.Sources reveal the thrilled Oscar winner is three months along and now she can’t hide her telltale belly bump.
“Brad and Angie are ecstatic,” an insider told The ENQUIRER.
“They’ve been trying to conceive for most of the year. It was always their goal to have another biological baby, and they want to adopt at least one more down the line. But at 36, Angie’s biological clock has been ticking.”
“With all of Angie’s medical woes lately, she and Brad consider it a blessing and a miracle that she was able to conceive,” revealed the insider. “Angie had a very rough first trimester and struggled to keep weight on,” noted a close source.
“But she’s put on weight over the holidays, stuffing herself with meats and fruits. She’s completely committed to staying healthy for the sake of her family, but she needs to gain more weight to keep her baby healthy.”
You can't make this shit up! Oh wait, they just did. No, no, both of these stories are about as factual as factual as factual as factual can be. I believe every word of them. I also believe that what I wrote in my Sue Mengers post is as factual as factual can be. Jennifer Aniston took one of her own ovaries, fertilized it with Brad's donated sperm and somehow got it into Angie's greedy uterus. Angie is carrying Jennifer and Brad's love child! And my 2012 will officially be made when the nurse hands Angie the child and a stream of liquid revenge bursts out of her bulging forehead vein as the new baby says to her, "Uncooooooo."
An Investment Banker was at the pier of a small coastal Indian village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The Investment Banker complimented the Fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked, “How long does it take to catch them?” The Fisherman replied: “Only a little while.”
Continuous Read More ... Funny Jokes.
Submitted by mslewis on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 8:57pm.
No one would readily recognize it cuz no one saw that turd.
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Well, enough people saw it for it to make almost $300M worldwide and that's before DVD sales (where it is third for 2011). Just saying.
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http://www.the-numbers.com/dvd/charts/annual/2011.php
"Top-Selling DVDs of 2011 (American Sales)
3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt2"
52. The Tourist"
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/harry-potter/8992501/Harry-Potter-is-...
"Top Ten Best Selling Titles Of 2011 (UK Sales)
3 - The Inbetweeners Movie"
Didn't break the top 33 1/3rd in sales.
Just saying.
The only babies 'fathered' by homosexual-tinymeat Brad Pitt are ass-babies!
Are the tabs clueless to the fact that these people are old news and except for the crazies at Celebitchy, no one cares!
huh. what will they think of next? i wonder what an angie/brad/jen baby would look like...
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by mslewis on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 8:57pm.
No one would readily recognize it cuz no one saw that turd.
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Well, enough people saw it for it to make almost $300M worldwide and that's before DVD sales (where it is third for 2011). Just saying.
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With a $140 million production budget and almost as much in marketing, this piece of shit made less than "The Bounty Hunter" when it comes to pure profit. Just saying.
No one would readily recognize it cuz no one saw that turd.
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Well, enough people saw it for it to make almost $300M worldwide and that's before DVD sales (where it is third for 2011). Just saying.
Anyway, this is all the same old gossip from the same old rags. Angie has been pregnant at least four times since the twins, even though she has had two caeserians and another one would not be advisable. Jen has been pregnant somewhere around 18-20 times in the seven years since Brad left her. So, anybody who believes even one word of any of these stories has got to have a head with no brain in it.
“Brad and Angie are ecstatic,” an insider told The ENQUIRER.
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Well it MUST be true because it's coming from the most reputable source since World News!!!
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
Submitted by Somuchbetterthanyou on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:02pm.
I think that pic is from on the set of the shitastic, Golden Globe-nominated "The Tourist."
No one would readily recognize it cuz no one saw that turd.
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um....well...I did.
*slowly raises hand in shame*
But see, it was because my friend MADE me. She FORCED me into it because she has the hots for Johnny Depp. I tried to get out of it, I swear! Predictably, it did suck.
As for Angie and Brad, I think they'll flame out eventually, maybe after a few more years. But until they do, count on a new "ZOMG Angelina's stalking Jen and her new man and trying to exorcise her baby!" story roughly three times per week.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
WTF? This is old news, actually the Rachel character got pregnant because of her and the writters announced the storyline but she had a miscarriage and they could not take it back... Yes I'm a "Friends" fan
http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/celebrity/celebrityheadlines/998935/jens...
I try to analyze her persona now and I think that she was traumatized by that fact and that's why she is in No hurry to have a baby now and that is her prerogative :)
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In bullshitanese, "no comment" means "fuck yes." Michael K
This needs to stop. Unless someone in this quadrangle has a balls-out meltdown over who is more talented than whom at the Oscars, then I'm not amused and baby-gossip-desensitized.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." Christopher Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse,1983-2011) *caprica six was/is here*
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 2:36pm.
Angies preggers!!!!???? OMG!!!
I wonder if the her kid will have a dented head and little flipper heroin arms?
THAT'S RIGHT I WENT THERE!
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*high fives whamo*
*sends Angie 12 count of drool cloths*
FOR FUCK'S SAKE They broke up 7 years ago let's move on!!
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
Meats and fruits always put weight on my hips too
They have the most fugly kids together.
Just fuck off you painful slapper.
So what if your boyfriend knocked up HIS WIFE whilst they were married.
Does Ange know they fucked??? Plates will be smashed over at Casa Loonie tonight.
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America.. fuck yeah!
Isn't this crap like ten years old now? Can't we move on?
wow. who gives a fuck.
seriously....
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"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."
Muriel Rukeyser, poet
Angies preggers!!!!???? OMG!!!
I wonder if the her kid will have a dented head and little flipper heroin arms?
THAT'S RIGHT I WENT THERE!
It a very well known secret that Jen Aniston was pregnant by Brad Pitt, and that she miscarried, TWICE. The rift between Pitt and Aniston was over Aniston to "take a break" after the second loss, while Pitt wanted to keep trying. The funny thing was Pitt refused to consider adoption.
Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 2:05pm.
lmfao @ Dog and DWM!! Cheating is the new black.
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RACIST! REPORTED!
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:59pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:56pm.
Shows how much YOU know. I got tired of you sneaking my things so I put liquid toofpaste in the shampoo bottle and you dint even notice! BTW, I left you something special under your right front tire.
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Shows how awake you are in the mornings. I noticed the toothpaste (thanks btw it made my hair minty clean) and I replaced your shampoo with Nair. _
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You ass! I gave that to my mother in law!!!!
WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Lárgate? Have you been watching "telenovelas" again Michael? Basta ya!!
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
lmfao @ Dog and DWM!! Cheating is the new black.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:56pm.
Shows how much YOU know. I got tired of you sneaking my things so I put liquid toofpaste in the shampoo bottle and you dint even notice! BTW, I left you something special under your right front tire.
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Shows how awake you are in the mornings. I noticed the toothpaste (thanks btw it made my hair minty clean) and I replaced your shampoo with Nair. ______________________________________________
McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:51pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:39pm.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:31pm.
That sounds like how most of my dates end. Strange.
*picks condom out of teef*
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How do you plan on getting that white stuff out of your hair? Home biscuit has shitty aim.
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I'm going to come to your house and borrow your shampoo. You're used to washing it out by now.
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Shows how much YOU know. I got tired of you sneaking my things so I put liquid toofpaste in the shampoo bottle and you dint even notice! BTW, I left you something special under your right front tire.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:39pm.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:31pm.
That sounds like how most of my dates end. Strange.
*picks condom out of teef*
^^^^^^^^^
How do you plan on getting that white stuff out of your hair? Home biscuit has shitty aim.
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I'm going to come to your house and borrow your shampoo. You're used to washing it out by now. ______________________________________________
McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 12:49pm.
Please, just drop this people. Just move on from the Pitt-Jolie-Aniston drivel. Why do you have to keep picking and exaggerating the bones of this story?
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I thought Angie Jo was the bones of this story.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Why all the cheating?
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I like the word poop
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:39pm.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:31pm.
That sounds like how most of my dates end. Strange.
*picks condom out of teef*
^^^^^^^^^
How do you plan on getting that white stuff out of your hair? Home biscuit has shitty aim.
Doesn't it work as a conditioner?
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I like the word poop
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:31pm.
That sounds like how most of my dates end. Strange.
*picks condom out of teef*
^^^^^^^^^
How do you plan on getting that white stuff out of your hair? Home biscuit has shitty aim.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
But what about Sandra's breakdown? Is her shocking confession that she knew Jesse James was a neo-Nazi all along and that there really is a videotape of her with a Hitler style dirty sanchez?
IF the whole miscarriage incident is true how fucking insecure can this bitch be?!?
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:29pm.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:26pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:19pm.
DWM, that's a picture of mah husband when I tried to take the remote away from him during football.
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Do you still have your hand or does your hand have a hoverround now?
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Why do you think there's that green ball in the pic? I grabbed the remote and shoved the ball at him. Bitch missed my hand and got a mouf full of rubber! SCHWING!
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That sounds like how most of my dates end. Strange.
*picks condom out of teef*
______________________________________________
McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:26pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:19pm.
DWM, that's a picture of mah husband when I tried to take the remote away from him during football.
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Do you still have your hand or does your hand have a hoverround now?
^^^^^^^^
Why do you think there's that green ball in the pic? I grabbed the remote and shoved the ball at him. Bitch missed my hand and got a mouf full of rubber! SCHWING!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:19pm.
DWM, that's a picture of mah husband when I tried to take the remote away from him during football.
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Do you still have your hand or does your hand have a hoverround now?
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Does the Streisand effect prevent these celebrities from suing the ass off these magazines? Seriously, how do they get away with these lies?
ba-buttons - RIGHT!?!?!?
She's projecting her own lack of integrity onto him.
Next she'll be accusing him of plagiarizing her novel and turning it into a shitty movie.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:15pm.
I guess that's why she looks pretty instead of looking like she is in mourning.
Bwha Snowy. Well dammit I'll have ta watch it online then. I just saw the one with Tracy Gould & the phat Wilson the other nite so I thought it was slated for next week!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
DWM, that's a picture of mah husband when I tried to take the remote away from him during football.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Dog.. not gonna lie.. your avie scares me a little.
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
IF this is true... That's pretty sucky of him to blab his and Jen's business. Miscarriage is heartbreaking and if you want to tell people, that's cool. But if it was supposed to remain private, it's shitty to tell your new piece.
IF this is true... How insecure can a bitch BE? He divorced Jen and the fetus is long gone. You have 50 million kids with him now. As much as one person can own another, you own him. Relax!
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"yay!!! me husband is a big hairy cave man an came to claim me with his club : ) and now im in cave-land.. yay!! we both go panto!"
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:14pm.
AJ looks pretty here and gurly!
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I think that picture is from one of her movies. That one with Johnny Depp. I could be very wrong. ______________________________________________
McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
guest, you goof, it was on last night! Maybe they are replaying?
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
AJ looks pretty here and gurly! I suspect that the tabloids make her out to be way worse than she is. Just like they make JA to be way more desperate than she really is.
They are both SEXY women. No doubt. And Brad has had his moments over the years. I mean..way to beat a dead horse people. I am sure they are all beyond this BS besides for PR stunts when needed.
Why does Angie ho seem to conveniently be pregnant, or just get knocked up in time for Awards shows or premiers of her recent shitty movie?
OMG YALL FUR EEL!!!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Where are all the loonies?
Sure Angie made it big playing Rachel Green, but what has she done recently?
Jen had an ugly haircut and screams at the ocean - single 4 evah!