File this under: THE BEST SHIT I’VE HEARD ALL YEAR (Note: I’d say this even if it wasn’t 3 days into a new year.) AND I’M NOT EVEN CAUGHT IN A K-HOLE.
Contact Music (aka the authority on truth when it comes to Clint Eastwood and squirrels news) says that Clint Eastwood has a best friend in the world and that best friend is a squirrel named Lola who lives near his office on the Warner Bros. lot. Lola is lucky as all shit that she made a house near Clint Eastwood’s office instead of Richard Gere’s office, because this would be a whole other kind of post if the latter happened. Instead of staring into Clint’s squinting mound of wrinkles known as his face, bitch would be staring into Richard’s squinting mound of wrinkles known as his gerbil eater!!!!
The source says that Clint leaves his office door open for Lola and the two have shared many beautiful moments together. The source went on, “Clint leaves the front door open whenever he’s inside working so Lola can come and go. He gets a kick out of watching her and always keeps a bag of shelled peanuts on the bottom shelf of a bookcase in case she gets hungry. Clint would be so upset if Lola disappeared. He enjoys her company.”
Clint ain’t shit for not including a man ass eating scene in J. Edgar, but I will forgive him if he does an animated musical remake of Gran Torino starring Lola as his Asian neighbors and a bunch of coyotes as that Vietnamese gang.