The Crystal Enchantress Of The Ice Is A Husband Now!
If a bitch ain't getting engaged (see: Retha and LeBron James), then a bitch is getting married. The dried piece of tortured horse meat that is the sanctity of marriage was kicked in its core this past weekend when that slut pig Brandi AnalGlanville married one of her douche hole friends for a day (and for fucking shits), but it also got a sprinkling of glitter on it when human unicorn horn Johnny Weir married his Russian lawyer boyfriend Victor Voronov. Somewhere, there's a foot massager with a broken heart.
Johnny Twatted this out about his new marriage:
I'm married! @vitya_zvesda ♥@Jillzarin Wedding in summer! But all the official stuff is done now! No more livin' in sin!
That summer wedding is on its knees and begging to be filmed for a reality show and I'm on my knees right next to it. Johnny's wedding is going to be a decadent display of rhinestone-encrusted EXTRAVAGANZAAAAA! Haven't you always dreamed of seeing a groom wearing a tuxedo made entirely of gold leaf? Johnny will make that dream come true. Haven't you always dreamed of watching flower girls dressed in swan costumes make figure eights around the two grooms standing under an altar covered in fur flowers? Johnny will make that dream come true. Haven't you always dreamed of seeing two grooms exchange vows in Russian as an almost naked harpist plays the theme song to Doctor Zhivago? Johnny will make that dream come true.
Johnny and Victor are totally going to get married at this palace of pure elegance:
They mayke yo dreemz come thru! And you can trust them, because they lifted their hands all grand-like when they said it.
And no, Johnny's dog is not eating your soul with its radioactive eyes. Johnny is so magical that whenever he touches a creature, its eyes turn into glowing mood rings.
• 
Somebody better wear feathers.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Johnny SANSFARD!??? Ho shit. And scruff? Ho shit. *looks out the door at the moon...nope it is still there!* Okay, now that I know exsitence has not ended; he looks good without the entire makeup counter at Dillard's smeared on his face.
Sucky, when you get married to the harriest, horniest, cumminest, gayest individual on the planet, can I attend? Pleeeeeease! I want to catch the bukkake bouqet!
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
I thought this assclown was still being coy (ha!) about his orientation?
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 01/02/2012 - 6:14pm.
Viktor is fukken hot. I hope they get married with chandeliers coming out of their ASSES.
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This may be my favorite post ever. I love you suckandfuck!
when i heard his interview with howard stern a while back, he seemed so sweet. he was looking for love and i'm glad he found it!
I thought Weir was a woman, so just another over the top het wedding!
Weir makes me want to run with scissors.
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My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail so I'll just send a present.
BTW: I sense immigration issues in their immediate future.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Is he married or getting married?
Is he married and going to have extravagant renewal of his vows?
I'm confused but not hung-over or jet-lagged like our beloved MK.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Viktor is fukken hot. I hope they get married with chandeliers coming out of their ASSES.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.