You know, I threw lumps of cold shit at that Rooney Mara (from that Girl with the Double Dragon Tattoo shit) trick when she hocked a crusty loogie of ungratefulness at Christopher Meloni’s nipples by saying that she doesn’t get why hos are obsessed with Law & Order: SVU, but I’m actually starting to like her. I mean, a self-righteous twat of a bitch who has no filter on her thoughts and doesn’t seem to care that she’s coming off as a crystal clear cunt? MY KIND! Rooney might have been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she has knocked that silver spoon out with the verbal streams of bitchery that jump off of her tongue and hit her old employers right in their faces. Case in point: During an interview with Entertainment Weekly (via DS), Rooney squatted on the Nightmare on Elm Street remake she starred in and pushed this out:
“You kind of learn to self-sabotage with things you don’t want to get. Sometimes you don’t want to get something but you do a really good job and you get in anyway. That’s kind of [what happened] with A Nightmare on Elm Street – I didn’t even really want it. And then I went in [to audition] and I was like, [whispering] ‘Fuck. I definitely got that’.”
Megan Fox, please pack up all your shit and head for the door marked EXIT, because your services as the premiere shit talker of Hollywood are no longer needed. I do know what Rooney is saying, though. Like when I was 16, I applied for a job as a fucking bus boy at Disneyland, because: a) most of the bussers were really hot; and b) I needed money to buy a fake ID so I could dance in a tank top at 18+ gay clubs with my older friends. And when the bitch at human resources asked me if I knew how to use a broom and a dustpan, I knew that I nailed that interview (only it wasn’t really an interview… It was just some bitch asking me if I knew how to sweep…. seriously). So, see. Rooney and I are totally the same. We take jobs we don’t really want and then we talk shit about them later in life. Although, the closest Rooney has ever come to operating a broom is adjusting the stick that is permanently shoved up her overprivileged ass.
And I heard somewhere that when Rooney signed up for the first Nightmare on Elm Street, she had to sign up for the sequel too. So even though the remake was as entertaining as slowly ripping a scab off your taint, I really hope they make a sequel so we can watch Freddy filet his own throat to escape Rooney rolling her eyes in different languages. Yes, Rooney’s eye rolls need subtitles. Bitch is THAT above you.