Katy Made Russell File Because Of Jesus

December 31, 2011 / Posted by:

TMZ says that the reason Russell Brand filed for divorce yesterday and not Katy Perry is because she didn’t want her super-religious parents slapping her with their King James. That’s a bible, not a dildo brand.

Since Katy’s parents are evangelical Christians, we’re told she didn’t want to be the one to “officially” end the marriage by filing the docs … since she was raised to believe divorce is wrong.

So are stunt weddings. Her parents’ values didn’t seem to concern her too much when she MARRIED his ass. Or when her first hit song was about dyking it out. Also – someone told me that (no, “someone” isn’t me, I was at a Miley Cyrus show that night) at her concert she talks about giving head and her audience’s average age is pretty much 12. Smurfette is riding a cherry-picker when it comes to her Christian values.

They also reportedly have had divorce on deck for a couple of weeks after realizing their marriage “just wasn’t there”.

They were an incongruous couple, right? She tries way to hard to be Rainbow Brite or whatever and he looks like he was born from an oil slick. People tell me he’s funny? My problem is that I can’t watch Get Him To The Greek to find out because Jonah Hill’s in it. Jonah Hill is the worst. Both versions – depressed mastadon and neurotic Gollum. Didn’t have lap band, my fat Irish ass!

This divorce story could all be a filthy lie. The real reason Russell was the one to file could be because his wife is terrible. And exhausting. Argh, the costumes, and the wigs, and the big candy props. Desperation Tour 2011.

Speaking of desperation – here’s where I plug Manhunt Daily! One of the only reasons my Manhunt bosses let me come over here to help Michael K. out was because I promised to throw a plug into each of my posts. Free advertising! Unfortunately, I, err, forgot to include a few. So before they spank me (literally, it’s Manhunt) and then fire me, click a link if you like dick or seeing pictures of it.

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