I said a HEY HEY HEY! Steven Tyler got engaged over the weekend and his family is unthrilled. Hasn’t he put up with enough shit? A bathtub fucked him up, he endures Jennifer Lopez’s “THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME!” side-eye shanks during American Idol time, and he’s slowly transforming into Aughra from The Dark Crystal. Just let him be legendary, Tyler family! It’s that Liv Tyler. Ever since she over-acted the shit out of stabbing that Rex Manning cut-out to death in Empire Records, I haven’t been able to commune with her suspect ass.
Janice “The Muppet” Dickinson ‘s girlfriend Erin Brady was flashing a rock over the holiday during a vacation in Maui, and TMZ sez that his kids aren’t feeling the joy. Erin is allegedly a giant cunt.
Sources connected to the Tyler clan tell us … several family members have clashed with Erin Brady for years … and have told friends, “She’s just not nice.”
One source tells us, “She’s just been mean to the family.”
How the fuck else are you supposed to ensure your millionaire fiance cuts off his family and leaves all his money to you? Send muffins? You throw shade at them, he asks why, and you get in his ear and tell him his family is a big Satanic cult trying to kill him, and that you’re the only pure and true thing in his life. Then you put something in his toothpaste. Has no one seen Black Widow?
This is going to be Stevie’s 3rd marriage, and his relatives are also miffed that he didn’t let them know he was proposing. Note that he made sure his finger sparkle is bigger than what he gave her to wear on her digit. Call her MISS Tyler.
I love me some Steven Tyler. He reminds us of so many characters from pop culture with the mouth and the shady lady ragbag hippie outfits. He’s like the physical embodiment of The Squiggle.