Girl, Rosa Isn’t Looking Too Good…

December 28, 2011 / Posted by:

Yes, I am FULLY aware that this movie (The Devil Inside – kind of on the nose there, it opens Jan. 6) is going to be a huge, steaming pile of Kardashian. Who cares? I am one of those pinheads who falls for the marketing. If the trailer causes me to watch through my fingers and curse out whoever the sound guy was for the intensely real cracking of possessed people’s joints a gristlin’, I’m there! Yeah, I know they hired a circus contortionist (or that wrong-ass Courtney Stodden) to play a human bow for Satan. It doesn’t make it any less WHAT THE FUCK? WHY ARE YOU PULLING THAT BLANKET BACK?

You give me bitches in (actual) knots, screaming mothers in Italian mental wards, blind nuns, and plenty of blood on the walls, and you shoot in tired POV – my ass is up at the Lowes!

Nothing’s ever gonna beat Linda Blair doing the daddy long-legs down the staircase and making her Mom tongue-lash her age-inappropriate vagina, but you can’t blame em’ for trying.

Wait, isn’t Michael K. in Italy? He better watch his slut ass or Beezlebub is going to be right up his b-hole of sin. And no, Beezlebub is not the name of the rent boy he was with last night.

Watch the totally NSFW red-band trailer for The Devil Inside below. Then hold me. Yes, I’m a pussy.

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